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Hi, I’m Doreen Yaffa. As a Board Certified Marital and Family Lawyer with over 30 years of experience, I’ve witnessed the harsh realities of divorce firsthand. Throughout my career, I’ve learned that unmanaged anger is one of the most destructive forces in the divorce process.

When anger is left unchecked and not dealt with, it acts like gasoline being thrown on the fire of divorce. The result shows up as extensive and bitter litigation, costing the family unnecessary expenses in fees, being stuck for months and even years in litigation, and even more concerning tearing apart families and causing extreme harm to children. 

There is no question that left unmanaged divorce can bring out the worst in people. It may show up under the guise of “doing what is best for the children,” using the children as pawns. Or maybe anger presents itself, like when one spouse cuts the other off financially or sets off on a smear campaign to embarrass the other. An angry spouse attempts to cause pain and hurt to the other in many ways.   

The problem with not addressing anger after a divorce is that it festers and grows until someone or something puts a stop to it. When an angry spouse acts on this ugly emotion, they are, in fact, hurting themselves more than they are hurting the other person. While each act of anger at the time may feel satisfying, at its very core it is totally disempowering. In reality, you are giving your power away to your ex.   

Anger is always a reaction to hurt. It is a normal emotion that presents in divorce. I tell my clients that they have every right to be angry. The danger is holding on to it. The choice to let the anger go is where the power lies. By letting the anger go, you are not letting the other person get away with anything. You are instead taking control of your life and declaring that you will find peace in it.

Remember, this is not the end but a new beginning. Embrace the opportunity to transform your life and create a future filled with hope and serenity. You have the strength within you to overcome the challenges and emerge stronger.  

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