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Ep. 114 – Coaching Concepts on Life

In this episode Jeff and Doreen as they give you 10 concepts on life that are important elements of their coaching practice. Try these out for size. They might just blow your mind and affect your life in so many ways.

Transcript

00;00;00;00 – 00;00;23;20
Unknown
Hello, everybody. Today we’re going to do something a little bit different. We’re going to give you a introduction to what we do at life coaching and we’re going to give you ten thoughts about life. So if you’re ready, let’s get started. Hi, Daryn. How are you? Good. How are you? Pretty good. Happy October. Yes, we are into the season comes quickly, doesn’t it?

00;00;23;21 – 00;00;46;01
Unknown
Yes. Halloween’s coming up and then traffic is coming with it, huh? Well, living in South Florida, right? Yeah. So we do get a little busy around here. I can already see a little bit of the difference. What about you? Well, it’s also not so hot outside, which is feels great. So I do notice that. But definitely notice the traffic and business is picking up.

00;00;46;03 – 00;01;06;19
Unknown
Yes. You’re busier, which is a good thing. Yeah. Nothing wrong with that. All good. So today we’re going to do something a little bit different. We’re going to talk about ten ideas that could could change the way you think about your own life. Ooh, yeah. Now, we’re not going to go too deep in each subject because you don’t with the time constraints of the podcast.

00;01;06;21 – 00;01;30;06
Unknown
But just wanted to give you a little bit of a taste of what we do as life coaches. That’s very cool because I think a lot of people question that, you know, they, they want to know what does a life coach really do and how do they approach their coaching? Yeah, And after the the podcast, if you think you’d like to introduce somebody to our work, this would be a great podcast for you to recommend to them.

00;01;30;08 – 00;01;51;22
Unknown
Yeah, And if you’re one of our clients or you’ve been a client, it’s a great reminder to make sure that all ten of these concepts are alive and well in your brain and are serving your life. So let’s get started. Yeah, I think it’s really interesting though, because these are kind of like, Aha moments too, right? Yeah, definitely.

00;01;51;24 – 00;02;22;11
Unknown
Well, number one, the first concept that will change the way you think about your life is that your feelings are created by your thoughts. That’s that’s a very important concept that we use as life coaches. And you first need to understand what feelings are and how to define them. Right? So feelings are vibrations in your body. The actual feeling itself might be sad, mad, glad, happy, frustrated, excited.

00;02;22;13 – 00;02;42;22
Unknown
Those are feelings that then resonate somewhere in your body. Yeah. When you’re obviously happy, you almost you can feel it when you’re upset, you can you can almost feel it in your body. And those are the vibrations you’re we’re talking about. Yeah. So when when you’re happy, where do you usually feel it? Uh, where do I usually. I usually feel it all over my body.

00;02;42;22 – 00;03;07;07
Unknown
I just want to dance. Yeah. So that. That feeling, you just want to get up and kind of dance around? Yeah. And then when you know something, like when I’m angry or frustrated, I feel it in my neck. I get. I get the tension in my neck, you know? So those are the vibrations that I feel. And but, you know, those feelings are caused by thoughts in your mind.

00;03;07;09 – 00;03;27;27
Unknown
Why does this matter? Well, because problems are not caused by your life. Most people think that they come from your life and what’s going on around you. The circumstance is that problems are created in your mind and in your brain by your thoughts. I think that’s really a great concept because of circumstance. Let’s just take that for our listeners.

00;03;27;27 – 00;03;54;29
Unknown
Let’s say your ex asked you for a divorce, right? So the actual asking of the for the divorce is a circumstance, right? Yes, it happened. Right. You can’t go back. Well, what I’m suggesting is that it’s just words. It’s a fact. Yes. It doesn’t mean anything until you have a thought about it. Oh, that’s true. Yes. Right. Because some people can hear those words and they’ll be like, oh, thank goodness, I was going to do it.

00;03;54;29 – 00;04;24;19
Unknown
Or they might have. Right. Right. Or and so for them, it would not be necessarily met with disappointment. Right. For another person, it might be really what’s going on here, like surprise and sadness. So it’s not until you have a thought about what has occurred, which is a circumstance which is neutral, meaning that it is fact. It’s based in what we could even say, like law, like it’s a fact.

00;04;24;19 – 00;05;01;28
Unknown
Nobody could dispute what was said. The words were what was said. Right. It’s when your mind now interprets the thought about those words that causes that feeling in your body. And it’s going to be different for every single person. Exactly. Well, here’s the good news. You control your thoughts. You know, life coaching is about learning the connection between thinking and feeling and learning about a conscious life, which includes becoming aware of what you’re thinking and deciding on what to think on purpose, to feel the way you want to feel.

00;05;01;28 – 00;05;23;15
Unknown
Right. A little bit easier said than done, though. So the first thing is awareness. You know, there was a circumstance in your life that then you had a thought about and that awareness as to and you could start with your feeling. You might be feeling, let’s say, sad today. Right. And the question is why? What thoughts are you having that’s creating the sadness?

00;05;23;15 – 00;05;48;07
Unknown
Yeah. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to want to be happy all the time. You know, that’s not what we’re talking about. You know, when something negative happens, you know, in the world, you’re going to have negative and, you know, thoughts and negative feelings. Well, just like I said, if somebody asks you for divorce or you decide you want a divorce, that that for many people is going to generate negative thoughts which have negative feelings.

00;05;48;10 – 00;06;16;29
Unknown
And that’s anticipated. Maybe you’re mourning the breakdown of your marriage. Maybe you’re concerned about your children. Whatever your thought is that’s causing a negative feeling, many times it’s appropriate. It’s expected. So just realizing why you have that feeling is a starting point. Yes. It’s like we say, you know, make sure you’re having these feelings on purpose. Right. You’re having these thoughts and these feelings consciously.

00;06;17;01 – 00;06;35;25
Unknown
Right. Because for a reason, you know, there’s there are reasons to be sad. There are reasons to be angry. Well, when something negative happens in the world or it happens to you, most of us are going to have thoughts and feelings that are negative. However, what we are talking about is having thoughts and feelings that are determined on purpose.

00;06;35;25 – 00;07;05;28
Unknown
Right, exactly. So trying to gently understand your thoughts, understand your feelings, and then to shift to some other thoughts that you can put on for size that are real. And sometimes it takes a little baby steps, right, to to then start creating a new feeling. For example, we talk about the divorce. You know, there’s the circumstance of the divorce and your immediate reaction from your thought might be negative.

00;07;06;01 – 00;07;28;24
Unknown
But maybe if you sit down and think about it a little more, you might have some thoughts that could get you into a more positive mindset. Like, well, we’ve tried to work on our relationship for a long time. We’ve grown our separate ways. We have beautiful children together. It may be time to move on and we can do this in a kind and loving way.

00;07;28;25 – 00;07;53;00
Unknown
So I’m not suggesting that if you’re having negative thoughts about divorce, that you’re going to jump to this mindset a positive that’s not realistic, nor does it work. But you can start to have just a little tiny shifts that can start to change basically your feelings. And then ultimately, which we’ll talk about or we’ve talked about before, the results in your life, Right?

00;07;53;02 – 00;08;16;05
Unknown
Right, exactly. I want to talk about the next one. Okay, good. Because I like this subject. I like the subject of money and is there anybody out there that doesn’t. Well, you know, so money is important to most humans, right? Yeah, because it’s what we need to sustain ourselves. And it may be a greater need for you on a greater level.

00;08;16;08 – 00;08;37;25
Unknown
And so the creation of money is something that a lot of people think about, how much they have, what they want, how they want to use their money, what they feel can be gained, or the satisfaction or the comfort that they get from money. So when we talk about coaching, we talk about many just different subjects and money is one of them.

00;08;37;25 – 00;09;07;23
Unknown
So money is created. I want you to think about this by giving more value, not more time now in our American society and in many societies and from a very young age, we learn that working by the hour, you get a certain amount of money per hour and the more hours you work, the more money you make. But that is limiting because you can only work so many hours in a day.

00;09;07;24 – 00;09;31;16
Unknown
So if you think about money as time, you’re limited. Right? Right. But if you think about money in the creation of money more by value and what you can create for your life for the world, then you have the opportunity to create more money. It just comes hand in hand. Well, it certainly makes sense that you you can create more time.

00;09;31;16 – 00;09;56;06
Unknown
We know. We know that as we get older. Yeah, but. But you can create more value, right? An example of that might be, for example, trying to reach more people. If you for example, let’s just talk about I want to talk about coaching. Sure. Okay. So like coaching, we can do one on one coaching and that’s an hourly type of situation.

00;09;56;06 – 00;10;18;18
Unknown
One hour we coach somebody, right? But if we were to coach in a broader sense, let’s say a workshop as an example, or a webinar where we can coach, let’s say 100 people in a webinar at one time, Now look what we’ve done. We’ve taken one hour and we’ve now expanded that value of time to now 100 people.

00;10;18;20 – 00;10;44;25
Unknown
Right, right. So it’s just something to and, and the way I am looking at it is the value isn’t necessarily 100 times whatever we charged. I think it’s we’re also helping and benefiting 100 people and not just one person. Correct. So that’s giving the value back to the community and back to people. Well, as we say, the secret to making more money is creating more value for the world.

00;10;44;27 – 00;11;04;28
Unknown
So if you can reach 100 people instead of one person, although there is a time and a place for one on one coaching, you know, and that’s certainly valuable. But if you can reach more people, that’s what we’re suggesting right now. The next one is life is 5050. This one I use all the time. I use that a lot.

00;11;04;28 – 00;11;27;15
Unknown
Yeah. With my with our kids. Yeah. It’s 50% positive, 50% negative. Or like I like to say, it’s 50% good, 50% bad. And what we used to use in martial arts, many of you might be familiar with yin and yang, right? You know, and that’s the balance in life. There’s an equal positive, there’s an equal negative, there’s a dark, there’s a light, right?

00;11;27;16 – 00;11;48;03
Unknown
You know, there’s a good there’s a bad yeah, there’s a balance to this universe. And the more that we can accept that the external circumstances that come into our lives, the situations that we deal with, are going to be a balance between the good and bad. Yeah, I like, I like to give some examples. Divorce is one of them.

00;11;48;05 – 00;12;14;00
Unknown
It’s a negative for many people. Most people it’s negative, right? And you may not have any control over it, meaning that your spouse may want the divorce. Right? Right. That’s negative. That’s the negative part of life. Right. People get sick. You have many people have no control over that. People get into accidents. Bad things happen in the world that we, you know, hear about all the time in the news.

00;12;14;02 – 00;12;37;26
Unknown
Those are things that most of us would be sad about. And you’re expected to be sad. But then there’s a equal balance, something positive like the birth of a baby, right? A marriage, finding somebody new in your life, moving past the divorce and one day waking up and feeling like, oh, I’ve got this. I’m on to the next chapter in my life, you know, those types of things.

00;12;37;26 – 00;13;02;14
Unknown
Sure, sure. There’s that balance that’s just part of life. I think it makes it easier to get through the day knowing just that this is part of the human experience. Well, when you do accept that there is negative and positive, you will be less angry and sad and disappoint ended by the negative part of life because you’ll be able to embrace it, accept it not just in ourselves, but in other people.

00;13;02;15 – 00;13;23;21
Unknown
Right? It’s true. Yeah, true. So with like I was saying, with the with the kids, what I tried to do with their wishes gently remind them from time to time, especially with social media and all this look, most people on social media platforms are not going to display the negatives. They want to show the positives, right? Whatever that is.

00;13;23;21 – 00;13;44;15
Unknown
Right. And so there is a tendency to think that and strive for positive when sometimes it’s better just to take a step back and embrace the fact that if something negative happens, it is okay to be negative. You don’t have to try to switch that around or buffer that away with escaping it. Well, I remember one thing they used to do.

00;13;44;15 – 00;14;05;18
Unknown
It just popped in my head at the at the dinner table. Right. What was the best thing that happened on your day and what was the worst? Oh, yeah, we used to pass around that talking. The talking stick talking stick. We got that from their their school, their Montessori school. And we used to pass around the stick and ask them the, the worst thing that happened or the, you know, and then the, the positive.

00;14;05;18 – 00;14;30;06
Unknown
Right. We always ended with the positive. Oh we tried to but got them to understand that there are going to be good and bad in everybody’s day. Yeah. And also it got them to talk to us, you know, and that obviously in the long run it helps us to be less stressed, definitely less judgmental. Yeah. And less depressed, less anxious and less frustrated when we understand the balance of life.

00;14;30;07 – 00;14;49;24
Unknown
I like the judgment part because when you realize that life is a balance of both good and bad experiences and that you can’t control many of those like we just suggested, you tend to look at people as also being good and bad, like everybody’s going to have their good things in their bad things. So it’s like you said, you’re a little more forgiving.

00;14;49;24 – 00;15;11;03
Unknown
Yeah. All right. I’m going to talk about number four and it’s hard. You seem like you want to talk about all of them, but, you know, I’m excited. I know they’re good. We’ll talk. We’ll both talk about it. Okay. I like talking about the primitive brain. Right? So that the if you don’t supervise and manage your primitive brain, it can ruin your life.

00;15;11;05 – 00;15;33;13
Unknown
So what do I mean about that? This concept is so important because we all have a primitive brain sometimes called like the child brain. Sometimes I like to refer to it as a toddler brain. And that’s the part of your brain that has been in place since we were developed right now, cavemen, thousands of years ago. It was it’s the part of what keeps us safe.

00;15;33;13 – 00;16;06;29
Unknown
It’s the part of our brain that basically is the motivational triad. It is motivated by reducing pain, increasing comfort and avoiding effort and change. That is just something that is innate in our beings as human. And it’s part of the survival of our brain. It’s what is used to keep us from harm’s way. Right? In today’s world, it’s much different because most of us are worrying that the lion is going to come and eat us right.

00;16;07;01 – 00;16;29;18
Unknown
We’re living in a cave that we don’t have any access to. We have to go out and hunt our own food, gather our own water and all that. Yeah, right. So we’re not mostly in that society of today’s well, well, we’ve evolved into a higher functioning brain, right. That has created, you know, math and the science and all the beautiful things that we’ve created in our world today.

00;16;29;20 – 00;16;58;09
Unknown
But we still have that primitive brain in there, right? So recognizing that your primitive brain is always going to unfold, you don’t know it’s happening most of the time. And that’s part of the awareness that we do in coaching. But it all it’ll tell you it’s that little part of your brain that says, you know what, I don’t I don’t need to try that that new thing to reach my goal because today’s not the day is it’s very much that it can be the procrastination mind.

00;16;58;11 – 00;17;22;10
Unknown
I don’t want to do that today. Doesn’t feel right This is uncomfortable. Let me just instead stay home or focus on what I know. Well, you’ll know you’re in your primitive brain when you’re experiencing comfort zones, right? Because it protects you against change. And what happens there is you probably will never meet up with your potential because you’re always trying to reduce the effort and change in your life and remain in those comfort zones.

00;17;22;10 – 00;17;49;11
Unknown
Yeah, if and if you are afraid and always trying to avoid discomfort and pain, you’ll never set big goals for yourself. You’ll never learn how to manage your emotional life. You’ll always be trying to be happy and you will find ways to trick your brain into thinking it’s happy, right? Yeah. You know, if your primitive brain is in charge, you will always be going for instant gratification.

00;17;49;11 – 00;18;11;18
Unknown
You will never find the highest quality of life that you can achieve from your highest brain, which is your prefrontal cortex. So your prefrontal cortex is your part of the human brain that can recognize a primitive brain and control it. Exactly. And say, Hey, toddler brain, I know that right now you’d rather like just lay on the couch and watch Netflix, right?

00;18;11;21 – 00;34;41;15
Unknown
Because that feels comfortable and easy and you don’t want to go to do your discomfort, but your.

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