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Ep. 138 – Great Conversation with Dr. Rocco

In this episode, “It’s Dad Time,” podcast host and a pioneer chiropractor Dr Rocco along with Jeff delve into the journey of fathers and their children navigating through divorce. They explore strategies for crafting a fulfilling life post-divorce as a single parent, shedding light on effective ways for dads to excel as co-parents.


Dr. Rocco 00:00
Hello everybody out there! Welcome to Episode 138 amazing special guest today, Dr. Rocco, is going to talk about being a dad and being divorced. So if you’re ready, let’s get started!

Doreen 00:23
Are you ready to create a life that’s better than ever before? We are Doreen Yaffa and Jeff Wilson. And we are here to give you the strategies you need to create the Life After Divorce that you deserve, and desire. As partners both in marriage and coaching. We use our expertise as well as our own personal experiences to help you make the next chapter of your life, the best chapter.

Jeff 00:55
Hey, Dr. Rocco, how are you?

Dr. Rocco 00:57
Good. How are you, sir?

Jeff 00:58
Good, man. Welcome, buddy. Welcome to the podcast.

Dr. Rocco 01:01
I’m excited about this. No, it’s typically 10 hits guys day. Like, you know, typically the podcast is with my wife and I, but not today. Today’s all about the guy.

Jeff 01:10
I’m a big fan of Man Times.

Dr. Rocco 01:11
I like it. Yeah, well, speaking of Man Time, it’s Dad Time.

Jeff 01:16
Yes. You know, that’s the name of your podcast. Tell me a little bit about your podcast, how it got started, and what’s it all about?

Dr. Rocco 01:21
Got started during guy time, I was at the cigar lounge with my buddies, and we were talking about my daughter and how I raised her and all this stuff. And everybody was like, man, nobody raises. I don’t know, anybody raises their child the way you do, and as this President, is focused, and like your goals, and all these kinds of things, and you should start a podcast. And so we sat there and I pulled up Amazon and ordered a bunch of podcasting equipment and had no idea what I was doing. And started a podcast.

Jeff 01:21
Now you’re on the other side.

Dr. Rocco 01:46
Now i’m on the other side of the mic.

Jeff 01:52
Alright. You know, one thing I got to that initial sentence and answer again, is nobody raises kids like you do. What did they mean by that?

Dr. Rocco 02:02
Man, I don’t even know if I still understand what they mean. I think it’s just my level of focus and presence with her.

Jeff 02:08

Dr. Rocco 02:08
And, you know, I tend to be different in terms of like, I want to allow her to lead as much as I possibly can. I don’t want to always be telling her what to do. I want to give her options. I want to know what her opinion is, I let her challenge me, I let her in a healthy way.

Jeff 02:27
Okay. Yeah.

Dr. Rocco 02:27
You know, or tried to sell me on Yes. I guess it’s a better way to say it. And if she can make a presentable reasonable argument for why it should be Yes, I’m okay with changing my my opinion. And in my mind, not in terms of a pushover. It’s very different, right? And it’s like, because you’re always going to be selling yourself, you’re always going to be negotiating and. You know, like cars run at the front of the road and I need to stop her. I stopped her but you know, but within reason it’s, you know, hey, you know, I said no to this. Well, I let her sell me on Yes.

Jeff 03:02

Dr. Rocco 03:02
In my house, we’re allowed to negotiate and talk about things.

Jeff 03:04
I was gonna say it’s either going to build their confidence tremendously, or however become an amazing salesperson.

Dr. Rocco 03:12
Right. And I’m fine with either one.

Jeff 03:13
Either one of those.

Dr. Rocco 03:14

Jeff 03:16
Well, you know, I know that you have been through your own divorce. And do you guys co parents similarly or?

Dr. Rocco 03:25
Yeah, I’ve been very blessed with that. I mean, I almost you know, sometimes I don’t know how to answer some people’s questions because of how blessed I’ve been with that.

Jeff 03:40

Dr. Rocco 03:40
And then I go back to realize, which we’ll probably talk about later how I got to be blessed in terms of that. And it was a,

Jeff 03:45
That’s important.

Dr. Rocco 03:46
Lot of self work, and we’ll talk about that.

Jeff 03:48

Dr. Rocco 03:48
But we got together because we thought the same. We really agree on the huge points in life, you know, and those some of those huge points were like, you know, religious stance, vaccination stuff, because we’re big on on, you know, freedom, medical freedoms, and my family. And I think that we live in a country, we can do anything you want, right?

Jeff 04:11

Dr. Rocco 04:12
And then you should be able to express that and do that. We had the same views on that, we have the same views on you know, what school we wanted to send our daughter to, the same values in life in terms of like, what is more important to us? Is it more important that she’s a straight A student, or she’s a free thinker? like things like that, you know, we go to the parent teacher conference, and the teachers annoyed because Sloane draws hearts, and I love you all over the thing. And it’s not really time for that. And she’s supposed to be learning structure. But you know, my ex and I are both like clumps *inaudible*, but we encourage that because I don’t ever want to doll her sense of love for the world. And I look at it very different than the teacher does.

Jeff 04:12
Right. And you guys ever butt heads over that? Teachers or doctor? Whatever might the case.

Dr. Rocco 04:22
Oh well.

Jeff 04:22
Whatever might the case.

Dr. Rocco 04:24
No, because, you know, I’m a doctor and my ex wife is a doctor. And so we don’t ever butt heads about this. Like, that’s what I mean. Like I picked a partner to originally do all of life with.

Jeff 05:07
I meant butting heads with, say her teacher in school.

Dr. Rocco 05:10
Oh, um, you know, I think that there’s occasionally, you know, I mean, I don’t think the teacher thought it was like super great that I was just like, well, I encouraged her to do that. But at the same time, Sloane’s really well behaved and kind, and wants to, really, I don’t want to say she’s a people pleaser, but she really likes. She’s so pure that she’s just like, I don’t understand why everybody doesn’t get along. You know, like, there’s such a purity to her of like, what the hell? you know, and like that. So I don’t think that she minds, you know, but there is like a lacksadaisical attitude that I definitely think my ex wife and I bring to school that maybe they don’t love.

Jeff 05:54

Dr. Rocco 05:55
But I’ve just, listen, I was a terrible student, terrible student, terrible student turned my entire life around, and I’m a doctor now.

Jeff 06:03
There you go.

Dr. Rocco 06:03
I couldn’t read in 11th grade.

Jeff 06:04
I was a *inaudible* student and I messed up now.

Dr. Rocco 06:08
It works out those way.

Jeff 06:09

Dr. Rocco 06:09
But I mean, I didn’t know how to read in the 11th grade, I barely could pass a test. If you written multiple choice test, and you gave me the answers, you know, but I know life skills. I know how to do life. I understand all of those things, and to me, those things are immensely more valuable than paper on a grade, you know, I say all the time. Tell me what question 12 was of the SAT that you are all stressed out about?

Jeff 06:34

Dr. Rocco 06:34
You don’t know. But tell me about the party you fucking snuck out of your parents house for.

Jeff 06:39

Dr. Rocco 06:40
And you don’t forget that. They *inaiudible* die.

Jeff 06:42
Yeah, those are memorable moment.

Dr. Rocco 06:44
Those are the memorable moments. And I’m not saying that this is not important. But that’s the thing. It’s the character. It’s, you know, the book that I wrote a chapter and part of the biggest thing I want to teach Sloane and I think we should need to teach our children is it’s the mind behind everything. How strong is your mind?

Jeff 07:05

Dr. Rocco 07:06
Because that will over, or you can learn how to do everything. But if you have a weak mind, you’ll quit. That’s what I want her to know.

Jeff 07:12

Dr. Rocco 07:13

Jeff 07:13
Exactly. That’s awesome. And what was the name of the book?

Dr. Rocco 07:16
It’s Impact Entrepreneur. And I believe it comes out in April, and I’m one of the chapters in the book.

Jeff 07:22
Yeah, I get a copy, right?

Dr. Rocco 07:24
Yes, you get a copy, and I’ll sign it.

Jeff 07:26
Oh, now, *inaudible* you go. You know, it says on your podcast, that your mission, you know, so to speak, is to improve all dads relationships with their children.

Dr. Rocco 07:38

Jeff 07:39
How do you go about doing that? Because, you know, obviously, I don’t know if it’s a blessing with your daughter, or you raised her to be this way or a little bit of both, you know, then somebody might be hearing this podcast and saying, “Oh, he hasn’t met my kid yet.”

Dr. Rocco 07:53
Worse. Well, I will, so sure. And I agree with that. And it is not by accident.

Jeff 08:00

Dr. Rocco 08:00
I put a lot in. Am I allowed to swear on this thing? I don’t know. I’ve put a lot.

Jeff 08:04
I don’t know why not.

Dr. Rocco 08:05
I put a lot of F and effort into nurturing my relationship with my daughter a lot. There were times where business suffered because of it. Because to me, that was more important.

Jeff 08:15

Dr. Rocco 08:15
Especially in the early days, right? This formative years, that mattered more to me. And that legacy mattered more to me than the business. Right?

Jeff 08:23
That’s awesome.

Dr. Rocco 08:23
So I made conscious choices to be present for that stuff. Right? And so it is by design. And I would challenge the person that says, “Well, you haven’t met my kid.” well your kid developed habits and patterns, and where the hell do you think he got it from?

Jeff 08:40

Dr. Rocco 08:41
Didn’t just make them up. He either watched mom or dad do it, or you put them in front of a TV show that taught them how to do it. You’re responsible.

Jeff 08:50

Dr. Rocco 08:50
When we do talk about the divorce, you’re responsible, whether you want to be or not.

Jeff 08:55
Oh you are.

Dr. Rocco 08:56
You are, and this is what people mean by taking Extreme Ownership. Right?

Jeff 09:01

Dr. Rocco 09:02
My daughter and I will be walking through the store. And I teach her that like, she had to stop the cart short one time, and it made her chin hit the cart, like the part of the cart and it hurt. She’s like, Dad, you stopped short, you know, that hurt, whatever. And I was like, well, Sloane, two things here. You need to take complete responsibility for you should have been focused and paying attention and not allowed that to happen. And I need to take full responsibility that I should have been focused and not allowed that to happen. Because when we both take responsibility, the other one can’t be blamed.

Jeff 09:37

Dr. Rocco 09:37
Right? And so if your kids if you give me that, you haven’t met my kids. I’m like, Oh, we got some work to do.

Jeff 09:45
Well, you haven’t met me yet.

Dr. Rocco 09:48
Yeah, you haven’t met me.

Jeff 09:49
You know what they say when you’re pointing your finger, there’s three fingers pointing right back at you.

Dr. Rocco 09:54
Right. And so I think that’s the biggest point of all of Dad Time is, you know, most of the podcast is interviews of other fathers, and what they went through, and what it’s like, and how they’ve rebuilt their freakin lives from nothing, right? they got kicked in the dick, and got beat around and whatever. And I mean, one of the guys that was on the podcast, and Byron wouldn’t, go listen to Dad Time Podcast with Byron, if you want to talk about like, somebody put his life back together.

Jeff 10:21

Dr. Rocco 10:21
I mean, the guy was homeless, 14 tours overseas, the reason why you can drink your pumpkin spice, freakin Starbucks because of men like him, you know, like, it was living in his car, children didn’t talk to him the things that his ex wife did were remarkable. Just that karma is gonna come back around some day. And he rebuilt his whole life and now owns one of the largest dog training facilities on the East Coast. I mean, like, you know, and turned his whole life around. So it’s that Extreme Ownership, like, at some point, he got to the point where he was like, you know, it’s my fault that I’m sleeping in a car.

Jeff 10:56

Dr. Rocco 10:58
You know, and it’s time to fix it.

Jeff 10:59
But a lot of people, you know, place the blame on others, because it’s easier to not to accept your faults.

Dr. Rocco 11:04
Of course.

Jeff 11:05
You’re not to accept that it is you.

Dr. Rocco 11:07
It is. And, you know, I think that when we take the road of, you know, it’s our ownership, and we teach our children that. And it’s like, Hey, this is what *inaudible* will catch me on. And I’ll say something.

Jeff 11:20
You’re ready to dive in?

Dr. Rocco 11:21
Let’s go.

Jeff 11:22
Tell me a little bit about this work that you had to do. You were going through your divorce.

Dr. Rocco 11:28

Jeff 11:28
The self work that you worked on yourself. Because if you’re saying, hey, take responsibility for yourself, or what’s going on in your life, which is what we teach in coaching, which we’ll go over a little bit later as well. Tell me a little bit about what you went through and how you make it through. Or how did you heal yours?

Dr. Rocco 11:50
Yeah, I mean, I’ll go ahead and say like, I don’t know how much I talked about on my podcast, I try and keep it you know, I don’t ever want anybody to have a negative attitude towards my ex wife because I just don’t but things happened in the marriage that weren’t supposed to happen and you know what, we ended up getting divorced right?

Jeff 12:12
Okay. Pretty common nowadays.

Dr. Rocco 12:13
Pretty common nowadays. And I was angry, and definitely challenged everything, challenge your masculinity, it challenges your, you know, for me, the am I good enough thing comes up all the time, right? So you know that imposter syndrome, like all of these concepts that runs so deep in the subconscious started coming up, and it was like, Oh, my God, what am I going to do here? I wanted at the time to, hey, look, we all fuck up, let’s fix it, you know, no big deal, right? The other half didn’t want to do that. And you can’t force somebody to do something they don’t want to do, you know.

Jeff 12:53
Can’t make anybody do anything.

Dr. Rocco 12:54
Can’t make anybody do anything they don’t wanna do.

Jeff 12:56
It cannot be changed.

Dr. Rocco 12:57
Nope. And so then it was. Now what do I do? Well, I’m crying on the bathroom floor all the time, I’m crying while I’m trying to make pasta, I’m laying on the kitchen floor. My daughter’s watching TV because I can’t get my fucking shit together. You know, two, three days happen. And I’m like, I don’t know what to do. Started working with a life coach, and everything changed, took my power back, right.

Jeff 13:23

Dr. Rocco 13:23
And I used to write, I am responsible, on my forehand for it right here on my hand, every single day. I wrote “I am responsible.” And even in the times that I was like, Man, I’m not responsible, I was, like, there was a part of me, that had to admit I wasn’t as present, I wasn’t as focused, I gave this more time, and give that more time. I didn’t nurture this. I didn’t make her feel that way. Like when I was able to step back and look at all the reasons why I’m like, okay, yeah.

Jeff 13:51
In coaching, what we do is we teach, you know, we have a circumstance.

Dr. Rocco 13:56

Jeff 13:56
You know, you’re going your divorce.

Dr. Rocco 13:58

Jeff 13:59
And after that, you’re gonna have some kind of thought, some kind of thought you when you were crying on the bathroom floor, you had a certain thought. And that thought was leading you to some kind of emotional feelings. You were having feelings about your thoughts, which led to an action.

Dr. Rocco 14:14

Jeff 14:15
And action was laying on the floor, crying, or making pasta and crying.

Dr. Rocco 14:19

Jeff 14:20
And the results were, you’re a mess.

Dr. Rocco 14:23
Quite literally, everything was failing.

Jeff 14:26
I’m not assuming this is what we talked about.

Dr. Rocco 14:28
Yeah, of course.

Jeff 14:30
And it seems like what we coach in is you have so much power in your thoughts. Your thoughts are everything we teach that there’s about 60,000 of them, per day you have, a human being. And how many of those 60,000 are intentional, and how many of them are on autopilot. So you decided to have more intentional thoughts that I’m responsible. Get off here.

Dr. Rocco 14:57
You take your power back.

Jeff 14:58
Take your power back, and that led you to have different feelings.

Dr. Rocco 15:02

Jeff 15:02
Okay. I’m empowered.

Dr. Rocco 15:03

Jeff 15:04
I’m excited. I’m enthusiastic about lot of.

Dr. Rocco 15:05
Yeah, a lot of fucker. Like my daughter.

Jeff 15:09
Where she gets it from.

Dr. Rocco 15:09
Yeah. And she’s been to, she said, I’m a badass with purpose.

Jeff 15:12
And imagine the actions that came from that.

Dr. Rocco 15:15

Jeff 15:15
And look at the results you have.

Dr. Rocco 15:17
And that’s what it all comes down to. To me, I think the I am responsible, forced me out of the victim. You can’t be responsible and be a victim. Can’t, and we are raising too many victims in this world today.

Jeff 15:31
Well, you can be because you could be responsible for being a victim.

Dr. Rocco 15:35
Correct, that’s up to you.

Jeff 15:37
It’s up to you to change it.

Dr. Rocco 15:39
If you really want to change, you have to look at that and understand that. I am also then responsible for changing that. Right?

Jeff 15:47

Dr. Rocco 15:48
And when you get that opportunity, you gotta run with it, you know, and now I know anything in life I once achievable because it’s like, Fuck, man, if I picked myself up off of a floor, crying, not being able to even make pasta, to rebuild a life for me and my daughter, and like, let’s go now with like, now it’s fucking fun.

Jeff 16:08

Dr. Rocco 16:09
Let’s go do the things. You want to start another business? Let’s go! Like this is building the mental fortitude, that I can do it, I can take it, you can handle it.

Jeff 16:17
Now as easy as this sounds, it is not simple.

Dr. Rocco 16:22

Jeff 16:22
This is not simple.

Dr. Rocco 16:24
Took a year.

Jeff 16:24
But it’s easy to, it took a year.

Dr. Rocco 16:26
I mean, nine months to a year of hard work. I work with my life coach every week, every week, and it wasn’t like, oh, let’s go in and just like my feelings, like no, like, let’s find the thing. Let’s dig it up. Let’s talk about it. You’re gonna end up crying on the fucking floor. You know, like, I mean, I remember one of my favorite session with her and she still talks about it. She was in the office the other day getting care and she comes in. She was laughing. She was one of her friends. And I made it 57 minutes without crying. And I looked at the clock. I was like, I’m doing it. Like, I ain’t crying today.

Jeff 17:03

Dr. Rocco 17:04
Man, I last like two minutes. Like dang it.

Jeff 17:10
Those two minutes. But how many hours do you have now without crying?

Dr. Rocco 17:14
Oh, yeah. Of course, but even you know, sometimes now I cry and if it’s, well, that was one. So there’s I learned over that he learned that it was okay to cry as a man up until working with her. I might have only cried three times in my life.

Jeff 17:24
Yeah, my wife. She’ll tell you that, Doreen, she’ll tell you that I cried almost every movie.

Dr. Rocco 17:30

Jeff 17:30
Especially at the dad parts.

Dr. Rocco 17:31

Jeff 17:32
You know, because I grew up, you know, kind of dadless My dad left when I was two. You know, I have a stepfather that, you know, wasn’t really there for me.

Dr. Rocco 17:41

Jeff 17:41
And my picture of what dad life should be or never happened to me. So when I see it in these movie made for Hallmark movies. You know, it gets me too.

Dr. Rocco 17:53

Jeff 17:53
And I love crying at those moments.

Dr. Rocco 17:55

Jeff 17:56
I love it.

Dr. Rocco 17:56
Well, you know, it’s funny, you bring that up. So I definitely come from not the most stable, great family background, right? And I wanted nothing more than Sloane to have the white picket fence and the mom and the dad stayed together and work through everything and grinded it out and had that ride or die relationship and like all I’m like, That’s what I wanted, bought a hat, you know, and got kicked in the nuts when I realized I didn’t. And I’m like, Well, shit, here I am creating this. Because make no mistake, I created this too. Right?

Jeff 18:31

Dr. Rocco 18:31
And I’m like, Okay, well now, what I get to do here, where’s the opportunity, and it’s interesting that my family tends to think that I am overcompensating in my parenting. But then when I run up on my life coach, she’s like, let’s think about this for a second, loving your daughter is overcompensating, letting your daughter be seen and heard is overcompensating. Prioritizing your daughter is being overcompensating? I think this is what you call loving, unconditional parenting. Like, let’s reframe that. And you know, and I’m like, oh, yeah, no, I am doing it right.

Jeff 19:11
Well, to defend your parents. They’re only defending the way they raised you.

Dr. Rocco 19:19
Of course.

Jeff 19:20
And so a lot of people have a very big problem with admitting, Hey, I was wrong. I liked the way you’re doing things better than I do.

Dr. Rocco 19:27

Jeff 19:28
So especially back then when, you know are some of this self help and, and thought work was not around.

Dr. Rocco 19:36
Well you know, I had a conversation with my mom like that because she listens to my podcasts and I was like, nothing I say, am I ever talking bad about you or telling you did a bad job? Like I had the most amazing childhood I grew up on 100 freakin acres. We were at four wheelers every day. We took paintball guns around our backyard and played.

Jeff 19:55
I remember you telling me when your days off of school is what?

Dr. Rocco 19:58
Buck day

Jeff 19:58
Buck day?

Dr. Rocco 19:59

Jeff 20:01

Dr. Rocco 20:02
The first day of Buck every year is one of the, because no one would go to school we’d all be in the woods hunting. Like, I mean, I grew up. I mean, I had an amazing life. But just because I had an amazing life, it’s my obligation to do better than my parents did at parenting.

Jeff 20:15

Dr. Rocco 20:16
It’s the next CEOs obligation to do better in the company than the last CEO or they don’t hire you. That’s your job. So why is parenting any different? Why should it be done the same? Let’s explore, Let’s challenge, Let’s change, Let’s do things. I used to spank Sloane at first stopped after probably, maybe a year and a half. And like, I don’t want to do this. Also, it had no effect on her. So I’m not going to do so. You know, I mean, but.

Jeff 20:41
Taught her how to hit.

Dr. Rocco 20:42
Yeah, I mean, she’s got a mean right hook. But that’s, I have no problem admitting that I did that. And then was like, Well, let me ask myself, Why let me decide if this is something I do agree with or think is a good idea. Let me course correct. Let me try and do better. I think it’s our obligation in life and every aspect. You know, we don’t lift weights the same way we did when it was, I don’t know, 1902? Or maybe we should I don’t know.

Jeff 21:09
Look what it did to the *inaudible*.

Dr. Rocco 21:11
But either way, I mean, it’s our obligation to do better, it’s obligation do better. As fathers, it’s our obligation to better as husbands, it’s our obligation to do better as men than the previous generation.

Jeff 21:21
I don’t know if you ever answered my question. I’m not gonna let you off the line.

Dr. Rocco 21:25
I can get going.

Jeff 21:25
Maybe try to give me some specifics. For our listeners out there that our dads, either again, getting thinking about going through divorce, they’re thinking about it, they haven’t started yet, or they’re in the middle of it. The thick of It.

Dr. Rocco 21:39

Jeff 21:40
And or afterwards, they’re healing, they’re newly single parents.

Dr. Rocco 21:44

Jeff 21:45
How do you heal yourself? How did you make it through?

Dr. Rocco 21:48
Okay. The specifics on I,

Jeff 21:52
you know, the *inaudible*

Dr. Rocco 21:56
*inaudible* I want to talk me, I don’t think we should leave that subject. I think it’s super important. I want to, I’m going to talk in generalities, in terms of like, what are actionable steps that I think you can do to get through it for. One, let’s say the divorce is over with and you’re trying to rebuild your life, because everybody’s scenario is going to be different. I would not go about that without some type of a coach, without some type of a life coach, without some type of a mentor, or someone who’s done it. Don’t go to your married friends and be like, how do I rebuild my life? That’s not the way to go.

Jeff 22:29

Dr. Rocco 22:30
So you need to work. You can do anything you want. I highly encourage you working with somebody to help steward you in that direction. Okay. I am the kind of person that never worked with coaches my whole life, because every coach I met, I was like, okay, but I know more than you. Right? Then I found ones I didn’t know more than, and now I’m like, oh, I want that information, right. And so humble yourself in terms of that, if you’re in the rebuilding stage, if you’re in terms of going through the divorce, I think a coach is great, again, to help you. The point is we need to have community, you need to find men that are in the same situation as you that are like minded and positive thinkers, if you’re going to a cigar lounge, and you’re sitting around a bunch of people that are cheating on their wives and, you know, divorced and they’re out drinking five nights a week and fuck this, fuck that, like maybe those aren’t the people you want to spend time with, you got to look at what direction you want your life to go and where you want it to go. And you got to find men to spend time with that are in that place.

Jeff 23:27
Yeah, mentors, role models.

Dr. Rocco 23:29
Mentors, role models to do that.

Jeff 23:30

Dr. Rocco 23:30
And you need friends, right? And say, guys, I’m big on guy time, like we’re losing Guy time in this country, right? And there’s an assault on men, and it drives me nuts. I like Guy time, I like to go to the gym. I like to go the gym with my buddies, and we go get breakfast and we go get lunch cigars, then we go to the shooting range, then we go to get steak dinner, and then we go get a cigar at the end of the night. Guy day all before 10am. But these are actionable things. So find a coach that resonates with you. I think that’s invaluable. And then if you’re thinking about getting a divorce, again, it’s so this is why the coach, again, I’m hammering on that because it’s what changed my life.

Jeff 24:12

Dr. Rocco 24:12
And the nuances of that are going to be so specific. You’ve coached hundreds of clients, thousands of clients, and no single coaching session has been the exact same.

Jeff 24:23

Dr. Rocco 24:23
Exactly. And this is why it’s so hard to answer that question. That’s why a coach or a mentor is important. I will tell you that some of the insights that, one of my good friends, he was on my podcast, Casey and we went out to lunch after and we just looked around and I’m like look at these miserable men. They’re miserable. They’re with their families. And they they’re just a shell of themselves whether they’re a shell of themselves because they married the wrong person, whether they’re shell themselves because they hate their job, whether they’re shell themselves because they hate their life. You can look it doesn’t you don’t have to look Very far.

Jeff 25:00

Dr. Rocco 25:00
And I’ve told I have been very upfront and honest with a few of my friends that are married that have asked me. You know, hey, you’re single, what’s it like? Like, it’s awesome. And then if they start to talk about their relationship, I’m like, hold on, I’m not the guy to talk to, because my life has exponentially better since the divorce. And I don’t want to sway you in that direction.

Jeff 25:28
Right. So anybody can have an amazing Life After Divorce. If they want to better now, you know, it may not be better than where you’re at, you know, the grass isn’t always greener.

Dr. Rocco 25:42
Oh, no.

Jeff 25:43
But should it fall in those? What? Because some marriages just need ending.

Dr. Rocco 25:48
They do. And I think that’s a good point to make. It’s okay, end the marriage.

Jeff 25:54
It comes to an end. You’re come to an end.

Dr. Rocco 25:56
You know, let’s just say you got married at 22. And you’re 40. I mean, you’re not the same people, if you didn’t grow together the same way or whatever, have the same interest in hobbies, like you’re married to somebody that you were perfect matches with a 22. I mean, it’s okay.

Jeff 26:11
It’s true.

Dr. Rocco 26:12
And so, the biggest tangible thing for me, I know that it’s cliche is find a mentor and a coach. And then books were huge for me, and finding hobbies and finding the gym again, in my mind and clearing it and just, I went all in on my healing.

Jeff 26:27
You know, one of the things that we talk about in coaching is, on an aeroplane, when they say the mask falls, they have you put the mask on first.

Dr. Rocco 26:37
Of course.

Jeff 26:38
So you can help other people put their mask on. So I think what your you sound like you’re talking about is taking care of yourself first, makes you a much better doctor, it’s gonna make you a much better father, it’s going to make you a much better ex husband.

Dr. Rocco 26:53

Jeff 26:53
It’s going to make you much better son. Yep.

Dr. Rocco 26:57
And it may save your marriage.

Jeff 26:58
It could.

Dr. Rocco 26:59
You know, I mean, I’ve seen that. And when we talked so you know, when you talk about that, and people wonder why I have such a good relationship with my ex wife who stepped out on the marriage. Because I did the work on myself and realize none of that matters.

Jeff 27:16

Dr. Rocco 27:16
Doesn’t matter. What am I gonna do? Hold that against her for the rest of her fucking life? She’s happy.

Jeff 27:21
Yeah, well, I think she’s going to be happy whether you hold it against her or not, you’re the one who’s not going to be happy.

Dr. Rocco 27:26
Of course, its a better point to make.

Jeff 27:27
Yeah, exactly.

Dr. Rocco 27:28
Like, what am I going to do make myself miserable and attempts to get back at her?

Jeff 27:32
Well, what you’re doing, and I had a client that I was talking to the other day about this as you are giving them your power.

Dr. Rocco 27:40

Jeff 27:40
If you make yourself miserable because of something else, anybody else. It could be anything, anybody else. You’re giving away your power that you have to be as happy as you want. As amazing as your life you want. You’re giving them out that away.

Dr. Rocco 27:56
Yeah. You know, it’s funny. My life coach on the first question, she asked me when we started, she was ready to take your fucking balls back. And I was like, Oh, my God, like I love Heather. This is why I like her. She shoots a stray. She’s like she took them and she never getting back to you.

Jeff 28:10
Well, here’s why I laugh at that, because that was going to be the name of my podcast. And my coaching business. Get your balls back.

Dr. Rocco 28:18

Jeff 28:18
Well, it’s not too great with women clients.

Dr. Rocco 28:20
Yeah, of course.

Jeff 28:22
That’s my approach.

Dr. Rocco 28:24

Jeff 28:24

Dr. Rocco 28:24
Yep, and I love that.

Jeff 28:26
Enough, get off the toilet. Let’s do it. Yeah, come on, go. I mean, really, you know, smack yourself in the head. And let’s get real.

Dr. Rocco 28:33
You have to.

Jeff 28:34

Dr. Rocco 28:34
And, you know, I think I resonate and attract those kinds of people in those kind of clientele to begin with.

Jeff 28:39

Dr. Rocco 28:39
Like, that’s the people that want to follow the podcast, they want to hear about Byron talking about being homeless and thinking about killing himself, and then turn it around and being like, No, I’m a bad mother effer. And I’m gonna do this, because this is what my kids deserve. Right. And it’s your obligation.

Jeff 28:53
And I think everybody not only deserves it, I think everybody can have what they want.

Dr. Rocco 28:59
I agree.

Jeff 28:59
They can have what they want. And they can also, they can pick and choose the battles they want. They can pick and choose the life they want. But choose.

Dr. Rocco 29:13
Choose. And then go all in.

Jeff 29:15
You know, one thing that we my wife and I definitely talk about a lot is awareness.

Dr. Rocco 29:19

Jeff 29:20
So once you have awareness, slow down, take a deep breath, get the awareness. Start thinking about your thinking.

Dr. Rocco 29:29

Jeff 29:29
Thinking about those thoughts.

Dr. Rocco 29:31

Jeff 29:31
You become aware the awareness turns on instantly.

Dr. Rocco 29:34

Jeff 29:35
Then once you started thinking future minded, in other words, this is the future I want for myself.

Dr. Rocco 29:41

Jeff 29:41
Then you can reverse engineer it. Okay, now, if this is what I want, what are the actions I have to take? What feelings do I have to have? What thoughts do I have to have? Now you’re thinking on purpose?

Dr. Rocco 29:54

Jeff 29:54
Rather than having those idiot subconscious no *inaudible*.

Dr. Rocco 30:02
Formative year no purpose programs that we don’t want. And I think it’s important to like, I know I sound, I’m happy, I’m so happy, like, It feels amazing. I love my life. You know, we’ve met, we’ve hung out, we’ve talked like, but like you said, it wasn’t like that for a solid year. Like, I mean, it was a grind. There were days I didn’t get out of bed than there were days I got out of bed, took my daughter to school, went home and got back in bed. Like, I mean, it was massive pressure, you know, like, I mean, it was bad but through all that it was like, Well, you just can’t stop. You know, I was somewhere the other day and I was in the sauna. And I was going to get in the cold pond right after and one of the people in the sauna was like, how do you get in the cold plunge? I just looked at her. And I said, you don’t think you just do it?

Jeff 30:46

Dr. Rocco 30:47
She was like, that’s the probably the greatest analogy that I’ve ever heard. And I’m like, Yeah, but that’s kind of what I teach Sloane, like these.

Jeff 30:55
Do you steal that from Nike? Just do it.

Dr. Rocco 30:57
No, I didn’t even realize that. I’m trying not to swear as much but I threw an F bomb in there. Like you just don’t think about it. Like you take two steps. You jump in the air and you’re gonna land in water like you just go the more you think about stuff, and we’re gonna talk yourself out of it. 100% of the time.

Jeff 31:14

Dr. Rocco 31:14
And, you know, I was doing Turkish get ups at the gym the other day. And it was the first time I used 72 pound kettlebell, which was a lot for me. Not a lot for some people but for me, it was a lot of weight. And I was nervous, my heart was racing like crazy, I’m like, Oh, my goodness, I’m so nervous. You know? And I was like jumping reps ahead of like, am I going to be able to finish? And I’m like, Well, what would I tell Sloane, these are the things I think about what I tell Sloanein this situation, I tell her to bring it all the way back to present right now what’s the first thing you got to do? First thing you have to do is you gotta sit on the ground, because you get to tarnish get up if you’re already standing up. So sit down. Then I sat down I was like, grab the kettlebell. Okay. Then when you do your rollover, rollover, and it was like Done, done, done now press the kettlebell up, press the kettlebell up. Now sit up, sit up. I didn’t let my mind go a mile down the road. I kept it present.

Jeff 32:05

Dr. Rocco 32:06
And when I kept at present, I did it no problem.

Jeff 32:08
That’s awesome.

Dr. Rocco 32:08
And I’m like, Oh, wow. Right. So being able to keep the mind in a present state is invaluable going through these things. And again, everybody’s situation is going to be unique. There’s no short answer to be, I know that everybody wants the magic pill of like, should I get divorce? shouldn’t get divorce? Is it going to be okay? Isn’t it gonna be okay? We’re gonna have a good co parenting relationship. Oh, man. You know, you have a great co parenting relationship, but it’s by design.

Jeff 32:32
Well, have you done anything successful without failure?

Dr. Rocco 32:36
Teach Sloane that too.

Jeff 32:37
Yeah. Have you ever done anything without falling backwards and getting on the horse again?

Dr. Rocco 32:42

Jeff 32:42
You know, so that’s what we teach in coaching as well as expect the failures. You know, it may take a year, may take two years, but at least you’re on the on the road.

Dr. Rocco 32:53
Every time Sloane fails a time, I’m like what happened, she goes I learned,

Jeff 32:56

Dr. Rocco 32:56
Just normalize it.

Jeff 32:57
Yeah. How old is she?

Dr. Rocco 32:59

Jeff 32:59
Sounds like a 17 years old.

Dr. Rocco 33:01
Yeah I know, believe me, it’s when we, she’s *inaudible*.

Jeff 33:06
By the way, when you said, you know, I know, I sound, I’m just happy all the time and everything. Before he even said a word when I first met you. You can sense it, you could feel it. You know, you give off that vibe. So you don’t have to go around saying I’m happy person.

Dr. Rocco 33:22
Oh, yeah.

Jeff 33:23
The Best Dad ever.

Dr. Rocco 33:24

Jeff 33:24
You know, I’m successful in my business. You know, you just live your life.

Dr. Rocco 33:28
Yep. I’m working with a mentor now for the office because I finally you know, grew balls enough to take my power back there too, and start to grow the office in a different manner. And, you know, I humbled myself to know there’s things I don’t know about business.

Jeff 33:46
Oh, yeah.

Dr. Rocco 33:46
Right. Amazing at what I do. But at the back end business stuff. I don’t have a degree in it.

Jeff 33:51
Tom Brady have a coach.

Dr. Rocco 33:52
Exactly, right.

Jeff 33:53
Okay. My wife has a business coach, I have a business coach, I have a life coach, she has a life coach. You know, if you don’t sharpen your knife in the kitchen, you’re gonna be a very, very bad chef after a while.

Dr. Rocco 34:07

Jeff 34:07
You have to keep sharpening the saw which is one of the Habits of Highly Effective People seven habits.

Dr. Rocco 34:13
I love it.

Jeff 34:13
You know, sharpening the saw. And again, being future minded. Begin with the end in mind is another one of those habits.

Dr. Rocco 34:19

Jeff 34:19
So if you’re thinking future minded, you have to constantly be learning all educating your mouth.

Dr. Rocco 34:27

Jeff 34:27
You know, my wife loves research. That’s what she is crazy about, you know, how do you spell it? Let me find out. What’s that mean? Let me find out.

Dr. Rocco 34:36

Jeff 34:36
You know, we want to go to Italy for seven days. Let me find out.

Dr. Rocco 34:40

Jeff 34:40
You know, where are we going to stay? I’ll find us. *inaudible*

Dr. Rocco 34:43
When I think that’s the, you know, constantly improving in humbling yourself to be able to do that can be a scary thing when you’re so used to a certain way of life. Right? and well, I guess the point I was getting at here with that is I’ve wrote my goals before I know how to write goals. I’ve read all the Brian Tracy stuff, I wrote my three month, my one year, my five year, my 10 year, my 20 year goals, I’ve done it, I have all the old notebooks of them. And I remember a lot of the times I did those things, it was all and I think this exercise was so good, because a lot of those times it was like, I was just trying to find happiness. And a lot of the things that I wanted, I have now, so now when I was going back and writing these goals, I’m like, Shit, I don’t know, I can smoke a cigar whenever I want. I can go to the gun range whenever I want. I can afford bullets whenever I want. I eat like, I can get one of my goals was be able to go to Whole Foods and not have to check the price of things just buy what I wanted. I can go to Whole Foods and buy what I want now. Like, those were the little things and I’m like, Man, if I just got there, I feel like I’m gonna be happy every day. And I understand happiness isn’t in those things. But it was fun to write these things now and be like, Whoa.

Jeff 36:03
Yeah. It’s like a time capsule.

Dr. Rocco 36:07
Yeah. And I’m like, Wow, I feel really good. And now I get to expand. Now I get to sharpen the sword in a different way. What comes next?

Jeff 36:15
So instead of trying to achieve happiness, you’re happily achieving?

Dr. Rocco 36:21
Yes, it’s very different.

Jeff 36:23
It’s very different.

Dr. Rocco 36:24
Very different and almost confusing, when your whole life you’ve done it the other way.

Jeff 36:27
Well, you know, we struggle a lot with the primitive brain versus the prefrontal cortex. The primitive brain is going to make you stay safe.

Dr. Rocco 36:36
Of course.

Jeff 36:36
Or it’s, you know, if you went out of the cave back then you would got eaten by lions. So, you know, you got trained on how to be safe.

Dr. Rocco 36:44

Jeff 36:44
And that also means setting impotent goals.

Dr. Rocco 36:47

Jeff 36:47
That means it’s okay, that if it’s cold outside, I’m not gonna go to the gym. If it’s raining, I’m gonna stay in bed. You know, they keep you away from being your ultimate, you know?

Dr. Rocco 36:59
Yeah, of course.

Jeff 37:00
Amazing self. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the human being that makes us logical, goal setting, overcoming obstacles. So that’s what a lot of people think from is their prefrontal cortex. But that primitive brain kind of like that devil on one side, the angel on the other side, it will talk to you.

Dr. Rocco 37:18
Oh yeah.

Jeff 37:18
It will talk to you to remind you that, hey, that beds, comfy, stay right there, don’t get out of bed and be *inaudible*. You know, so that’s why we have to keep constantly aware of our thoughts and wherever our thinking, where these things are coming from.

Dr. Rocco 37:30
When that’s what all the, it comes back to, is that, and you got to change. I’m trying to think of the. I often make fun of astrology,and now I’ve studied all these things, and they’re fun to study. But the reality is, is that there’s principles that the universe is governed by.

Jeff 37:52

Dr. Rocco 37:53
And I’m like, I always make the joke. I’m like, I promise you your life’s not shit. Because your anus is in retrograde. I promise you, it’s shit, because you made a bunch of really bad fucking decision, right? Just own it.

Jeff 38:06
Yeah, exactly.

Dr. Rocco 38:08
That’s all it is. Let’s not make it more than it needs to be and everybody into astrology. Guess what? You know how many? You know how many people when you’re telling me that Uranus is in retrograde? And you can’t make any money this month? You know how many people are making millions of dollars.

Jeff 38:22
Without even trying.

Dr. Rocco 38:23
Without even trying.

Jeff 38:24

Dr. Rocco 38:24
I promise you is not because your anus.

Jeff 38:26
Right. You had to get that in there, did you?

Dr. Rocco 38:30
I had to get it in there. But it’s personal responsibility.

Jeff 38:34
It is.

Dr. Rocco 38:34
If you’re going to allow astrology to dictate your life, you’re never going to be in power.

Jeff 38:40

Dr. Rocco 38:41
And that, and I’m just picking on astrology because it’s super easy and fun. That’s all.

Jeff 38:45
It is.

Dr. Rocco 38:46
And listen, I love a good full moon and all that. Like it’s cool. You know, listen, if you have the belief that the full moon is going to come and it’s going to give you special powers and you believe that then it’s gonna give them to you. That’s how all of that works but take ownership. You don’t need the moon to be full to kick ass.

Jeff 39:02
Right, no. That’s why I said in future minded.

Dr. Rocco 39:04

Jeff 39:04
If you think that way, what kind of decisions you’re gonna make in the present.

Dr. Rocco 39:08

Jeff 39:08
You’re gonna make the right decisions to give you where you want to be

Dr. Rocco 39:11

Jeff 39:12
It’s as simple as that

Dr. Rocco 39:13
Correct. And that to me, that’s everything. And if your goal, I promise you, the reticular activating system in the brain is going to make your goal come true. And if your goal is to have a healthy, strong relationship with your ex wife, for your child, you can have it, I don’t care what your ex wife did, trust me, I’m there.

Jeff 39:31
We’re ex husband.

Dr. Rocco 39:31
We’re ex husband, it doesn’t matter. You can make the choice. And that was one thing that you know, I had a kid with the right woman. Maybe we weren’t supposed to be together for the rest of our lives or anything like that, which obviously we’re not but damn it. I had a kid with the right woman who was even in divorce. She was like, what’s best for Sloane comes first.

Jeff 39:53

Dr. Rocco 39:53
A 100% at the time.

Jeff 39:53
We have the same basic situation. One of my best friends, is my wife ex husband.

Dr. Rocco 40:01

Jeff 40:01
And they may not have been the best couple together. Thank god. Okay, but he is an amazing dad. I take lessons from him.

Dr. Rocco 40:10

Jeff 40:10
He should be on your show.

Dr. Rocco 40:11

Jeff 40:14
And so there’s been many times where I’ve taken my son from my first marriage to him say, Sam, help me with this kid.

Dr. Rocco 40:21

Jeff 40:22
You know, so it can happen.

Dr. Rocco 40:24

Jeff 40:24
If you want to co parent in a positive way. Taking your BS aside?

Dr. Rocco 40:30

Jeff 40:31
Okay, that maybe we weren’t right together but let’s be amazing parents together.

Dr. Rocco 40:35
Parents together. And stop using your child as a pawn. I was used as a pawn. I felt like as a kid whether they’ll admit it or not. It doesn’t matter. But I definitely felt like that.

Jeff 40:45

Dr. Rocco 40:46
And especially *inaudible* matters. And I refuse to let that happen with Sloane. Like I never talked bad about her mother in front of her ever. I don’t talk bad about her mother. I mean, but even when it first happened, and I wanted to talk bad about her mother, I told every like, I know my family. They’re a bunch of Italians, like, ready to go cut somebody’s throat. You know, I’m like, You will never, I told all of them, if you’re in my home and Sloane is around, you will not say one bad word about her mother ever or you’re out of the house.

Jeff 41:17
We call that a boundary.

Dr. Rocco 41:18
Yeah, that’s the boundary because Sloane needs her mother and her mother is a good mother to her. I don’t care what her mother did to me. She’s a good mother, right end of story. And guess what happened? I start to focus on her being a good mother. I started focusing on her providing for Sloane in a very nurturing was as a mom, I started providing her or viewing her and thinking about her in the light of us having a great co parenting relationship.

Jeff 41:41

Dr. Rocco 41:41

Jeff 41:42
How did that make your relationship with her?

Dr. Rocco 41:45
That’s what I’m getting to, all of those things started to happen exactly like it’s supposed to. Because we go back to the original point, the way you think will create your reality and that’s what, and in the times that I’d slip and I’d be like F this bitch, guess what would show up within 48 hours.

Jeff 42:01
That person.

Dr. Rocco 42:01
That person and I’m like, I’m responsible. And if you really understand the law of attraction, you really understand quantum physics, you really understand metaphysics. That’s why that person shows up grumpy and most people don’t want to hear it.

Jeff 42:15

Dr. Rocco 42:16
They think their ex husband shows up pissy and grumpy because that’s who that ex husband is. No, he shows up pissy and grumpy because that’s the vibration you hold towards him. So he’s going to show up that way. He shows up not pissy and grumpy to somebody shows up not pissy and grumpy to his new girlfriend’s house, shows up happy as can be there.

Jeff 42:33
And be a little bit selfish.

Dr. Rocco 42:34

Jeff 42:35
If you think positive thoughts about them, whether they’re true or not, you’re gonna have a much more positive outcome to yourself.

Dr. Rocco 42:42
Well you have the opportunity to. I mean, that’s a whole another topic. But I mean, that’s shadow work. If you think shit thoughts about somebody else, it’s really just a reflection of who you are.

Jeff 42:52
Yea, It’s gonna come right back at you.

Dr. Rocco 42:53
And it’s gonna come right back at you. So that’s why you’re getting it coming back at you. And so if you can take a minute to be like, wow, why do I think that my ex husband or ex wife is a terrible mother or father? What would they do X, Y and Z? Well, then just ask yourself, How am I doing X, Y, and Z? And then you’re gonna go, Oh, gross. Shit. There’s the problem.

Jeff 43:13

Dr. Rocco 43:13
You change how you do X, Y, and Z. Guess what happens? That reflection doesn’t get reflected back to you anymore.

Jeff 43:19

Dr. Rocco 43:20
This is how we mold reality. There’s your esoteric for moon phase cycle for you. So I got to talk a little bit.

Jeff 43:28
Before we end. I do want to let everybody know Dr. Rocco is an amazing chiropractor. Yet he does things extremely different.

Dr. Rocco 43:37

Jeff 43:37
And then a couple of sentences, you know, tell the listeners how do you I mean, what kind of practice do you have?

Dr. Rocco 43:42
Yeah, I work with fine tuning the vibrational frequency of the spine in order to bring you back out of fight or flight and into rest and digest, which is your jumping off point to accomplish anything in life. So the shortest way to say it is, I increase your adaptability to anything you want to do, you want that frontal lobe that you were talking about to function better and have more higher cognitive thought and stay out of the primitive brain, the spinal cord controls it.

Jeff 44:07
And how do they? What’s the name of the practice again?

Dr. Rocco 44:10
Alchemy Chiropractic. So if you look up Alchemy Chiropractic, Inc. in Delray Beach, Florida, or call or text the number 561-573-4580, you’ll get a hold of me, I currently don’t have any websites or any other form. I’m like a ghost. This guy is going to change that for me like right now. That’s how I’ve always been word of mouth only. And that’s it. I’ve operated with with a cell phone.

Jeff 44:33
We’re doing word of mouth right now.

Dr. Rocco 44:35
Yeah, so it’s good.

Jeff 44:36
Yeah, okay. And final thought. Okay, I’ve just finished my divorce. Signed the paperwork today. One sentence word of advice.

Dr. Rocco 44:49
Go get yourself a new puppy.

Jeff 44:50

Dr. Rocco 44:52
And I don’t mean dog.

Jeff 44:53
Okay. All right.

Dr. Rocco 44:54
Listen, i’m just gonna be perfectly frank with you. Go find yourself a new woman.

Jeff 44:59

Dr. Rocco 45:00
If you’re a man, if you’re a woman, go find yourself a new guy, find out what it’s like to fall in love and have fun again.

Jeff 45:05
And I’m going to add to that. Make sure you’re doing the self work.

Dr. Rocco 45:09
Yeah, of course.

Jeff 45:10
Make sure you’re ready for that.

Dr. Rocco 45:12
Correct. You only gave me one sentence.

Jeff 45:16

Dr. Rocco 45:16
You have to do the back and work.

Jeff 45:18

Dr. Rocco 45:19
But if you’ve done all the back and work that we talked a whole episode about.

Jeff 45:22

Dr. Rocco 45:22
Get back out there. People show *inaudible*.

Jeff 45:25
The person that you’re meeting to be the best *inaudible*.

Dr. Rocco 45:27
You do. And I will tell you straight up some of the women that I met right away after my divorce helped heal me through their kindness in like, Hey, man, you are worth it. This is awesome. And it’s beautiful to be able to go share that I’m not saying go out and bang 30 Different chicks. I’m just saying go back out.

Jeff 45:47

Dr. Rocco 45:48
Get a new puppy.

Jeff 45:49
Okay, well, relationships are very important. Dr. Rocco, thank you so much for being on our show. Really, really appreciate it. Dr. Rocco. You’re amazing.

Dr. Rocco 45:57
Thank you. This was awesome.

Jeff 45:59
All right. Everybody out there. Have an amazing week. And we will talk to you next week with Doreen, of course back on the mic. Have a great week. Bye. You have the vision of what you want your life to look like after divorce, but maybe you just don’t know how to get there. So if you’re ready to take control of your life and want to find out more about our coaching, visit us at That’s LAD as in Life After

Doreen 46:39
Until next time, have an amazing rest of your day. And remember, yes, you can have an amazing Life After Divorce.

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