Ep. 142 – Procrastination is a Good Thing

Jeff 00:00
How many of you can identify with being a procrastinator? Well, that’s what we’re going to be talking about today in episode number 142. So if you’re ready, let’s get started.

Doreen 00:21
Are you ready to create a life that’s better than ever before? We are Doreen Yaffa and Jeff Wilson and we are here to give you the strategies you need to create the life after divorce that you deserve, and desire. As partners both in marriage and coaching. We use our expertise as well as our own personal experiences to help you make the next chapter of your life. The best chapter Hey, Jeff.

Jeff 00:52
Hey, Doreen. How are you today? Tell me something new. Tell me something good.

Doreen 00:58
Something new. Something good. Everything’s good. The weather’s amazing.

Jeff 01:03
Oh, it was a beautiful weekend, wasn’t it?

Doreen 01:04
It was a beautiful weekend here in sunny South Florida. We went to the lake.

Jeff 01:09
Yep. We had a raft up, 13 boats. It was a great time great people met some great new people. And it was a lot of fun.

Doreen 01:20
Yeah. That work life, you know, excitement balance, right? Work hard play hard, kind of thing. Not too hard, though. I think more in our, you know, as we get older, we don’t play as hard as we used to.

Jeff 01:40
My legs and my back. You played way too hard. I really did.

Doreen 01:44
I think it’s just getting on and off the boat so many times. Right, right.

Jeff 01:50
So today, we’re gonna be talking about procrastination. And some people out there may not realize that procrastination can be seen as a good thing. You know, some people look at it as they feel guilty. They’re embarrassed by it.

Doreen 02:05
Although let’s start with the Google’s.

Jeff 02:07
What does the Google say?

Doreen 02:08
I don’t know. You tell me.

Jeff 02:10
Well, I didn’t look it up. You only look it up.

Doreen 02:12
I do. I do. Yeah. Because I think the general thought about the word, procrastination is a negative thought, right. And so I’m curious to know what the Google is telling us the meaning of the word is, because it seems to have some origin behind it – pro.

Jeff 02:32
Yeah. The action, here it is, the action of delaying or postponing something. Pretty simple.

Doreen 02:40
Okay, the action of delaying.

Jeff 02:44
Or postponing?

Doreen 02:45
Okay. So I think some procrastination then can be good.

Jeff 02:52
Give me an example.

Doreen 02:53
Well, you might be procrastinating about getting divorced. And that could be seen as a good thing. You certainly don’t want to hurry into it

Jeff 03:02
True.

Doreen 03:02
You certainly want to, you know, really understand your reasons for wanting to get divorced, if you’re thinking about it.

Jeff 03:12
I think there might be a difference between thinking about something or researching something and taking your time and making sure you’re making the right decision versus procrastination.

Doreen 03:22
I think it comes to a point I mean, I’m just using getting divorced as a subject.

Jeff 03:28
Right. Well, that’s our subject. Yeah, that’s what we talk about.

Doreen 03:32
Oh, really? Yes. Thanks for letting me know that. I really do appreciate that. But I think there’s a time when procrastination goes bad. If it’s the, what was the Google again,?

Jeff 03:47
It says the art of or the act of postponing or delaying something? I think they forgot the word over.

Doreen 03:55
That’s what I was gonna say.

Jeff 03:56
Are you over delay? Are you over postpone? And then it may affect productivity, or it may affect you in a negative way?

Doreen 04:05
Yeah. But I’m not going to suggest that the Google is forgot to put the word in. I think that the word procrastination has the meaning that you said, it’s when you procrastinate to the highest degree. Right, right. Yeah. So there’s nothing wrong with delaying something so long as you understand why you’re delaying it. Are you delaying it because you’re researching it, you’re trying to figure out, you’re you know, really looking at the pros and the cons of a decision or are you procrastinating and delaying because you’re avoiding something that is uncomfortable, something that you don’t want to encounter? Something that you know, is going to likely lead to a feeling that you don’t want a negative feeling? Because I think that in coaching I know that when we talk about procrastination, it’s it’s usually not seen as a positive. You know, it’s seen as seen as something negative because most people do procrastinate something they know they want to do. They know they have to do, they should do, but they just avoid it. So they’ll find out, they’ll find a lot of reasons not to do something.

Jeff 05:21
When you agree that most people can see everybody. But most people see procrastination as a negative.

Doreen 05:27
Of course, I think that’s what I started the episode with.

Jeff 05:30
Yes, right. And I started the episode by the way. Not important, but what?

Doreen 05:38
So certainly you get a gold star for that.

Jeff 05:41
So procrastination can be seen as a positive then. So why don’t we look at procrastination in a more positive way?

Doreen 05:49
Well, I guess you can, if you’re procrastinating, because like we said, you’re trying to make an informed decision before you move forward, then that makes sense, right? When it get when you know, you want to make the decision, but you can procrastinate or make them move forward, but you procrastinate on doing it, that’s when it becomes a problem.

Jeff 06:14
Well, first of all, everybody, and I’ll go on the line and say everybody procrastinates at one time or another in their lives, they get stuck on their thinking, decision making and their actions, everybody. So if it’s if everybody does it, it can’t be that bad of a negative thing. Because eventually, so you’re going to move on, you’re going to make a decision, you’re going to take that action. So what happens is,

Doreen 06:37
Well, not always, well, not always, not always, many people procrastinate in their life, and they never achieve what they really can achieve.

Jeff 06:46
And that’s why we’re having this podcast.

Doreen 06:47
And then they end up you know, and then and then years go by, and years turn into decades, and decades turn into more decades. And then life is, you know, not what we expected it to be because of procrastination as well. I think we see procrastination very different. So I am here to learn. Well, that’s funny, right?

Jeff 06:48
No, it’s not funny, because we’re all learning beings. But I think that after reading the book from Dan Sullivan, I’m gonna give him some kudos because it’s an amazing book on procrastination. And also, combining every day, we write down the three top things that we want to accomplish every day. And then with three things that we want to accomplish during the week. You can take you can take your procrastinations and use them as indicators as the most important things that need to get done.

Doreen 07:49
Well, here’s what I like to do, which I’m still working on as an example for today, is I like to do the things that I don’t like to do or want to do, I like to get them out and done at the beginning of the day. That will, but it’s not always feasible, right? For whatever reason, maybe something that I need to do and I’m procrastinating on is because it takes a long period of time. I know it’s going to take me for example, several hours to do. And so I use that as an excuse not to do it. But then what happens is the end of the day comes, you finish your day for the you know, you finish your business for the day, and then that item that you were procrastinating about that you knew was going to take you several hours never got done.

Jeff 08:38
Yeah, and I didn’t think the word excuse is a little bit hard on yourself. I mean, it’s an it’s a reason it’s a legitimate reason. You know these words. Oh, it’s an excuse. I think that alone connotates a negative thing. So turn it into, okay, these are the reasons why I didn’t get it done today. Let’s go ahead and put them on the priority list for tomorrow.

Doreen 08:58
So let’s move into how this procrastination topic is relevant to divorce.

Jeff 09:05
Okay. Good question. Well, what happens is when you procrastinate, you’re obviously wanting something bigger and better than you have right now. So let’s say you want a better life. You want to change your life you want to be in a different situation you’re in right now.

Doreen 09:24
Can we micro it a little bit more?

Jeff 09:25
Sure.

Doreen 09:26
I’m gonna I can see one of my closets open. So I’m procrastinating about cleaning out my closet. But it could be procrastinating about getting your resume done to find a new job after your divorce could be about getting your house ready to put it on the market for sale. It could be about assisting your lawyer and getting your financials together. It could be coming up with visitation schedule that you want to or should propose to your coparent, I mean, there’s so many things in divorce. I think divorce is such a time in your life where you’re whether you want to or not, you’re forced into seeking new goals changes, wishing to change, right? So with like you’re saying with change, there comes procrastination, because it’s not that norm routine, right? It’s not the norm.

Jeff 10:25
Well, we’ve also talked many times about the primitive brain that doesn’t like change now and doesn’t like things that are different and hard to do. Right?

Doreen 10:33
And divorce wakes you up and says, Hey, listen, whether you like it or not, you’re going for this ride. It does, it forces you to face the reality of things are going to change. And I think for, for many people, and we’ve talked about this in other podcast episodes, is kind of a kick you need in the tush, to really start making a life on purpose, creating a life on purpose, right?

Jeff 11:04
Well, when you have ambition, let’s talk about ambition. It’s something that’s usually seen as a positive and praised by other people. You know, yeah, he’s very ambitious. Okay, but it’s directly related to procrastination, and that you have an ambition. You just haven’t tackled that yet, yet, you’re putting it off, right?

Doreen 11:27
I guess, if you didn’t have goals in your life, if you’re a person that just woke up, and did the same thing day in day out more or less, right? And you were satisfied with whatever that existence looks like? Or is, then you wouldn’t procrastinate because there’s nothing really to procrastinate about, right.

Jeff 11:49
Here’s the key right here that you were just saying this, and I just thought of this. Goals, start in your imagination. Something you want starts in your imagination. You agree with that?

Doreen 11:59
Well, I don’t know if I want to use the word imagination. But it starts in such a vision.

Jeff 12:05
A vision, okay? So same thing, I guess this is kind of the same thing. But your brain doesn’t distinguish or your imagination or your vision doesn’t distinguish between reality and fiction. Okay, so you can see a future reality. And immediately, intellectually, you engage with it, emotionally commit to it emotionally, right? Before we even thought it through.

Doreen 12:30
Right? I mean, like, take an example. I think it’s really helpful to have an example. Right? So let’s talk about finding a new career, or pursuing a new career after divorce, okay, you have a vision that you’re going to be whatever it is, you’re going to be you want to become, and then fill in the blank, whatever it is, right? Change careers, and now focus on whatever. Right? So let’s use that as an example of what you’re saying, I think that might be helpful.

Jeff 13:05
Well, you have this ambition of, let’s say, starting your own business, right? Okay. And in your mind, it looks amazing. Sometimes when you come back to reality, your current levels of capability and confidence, usually are not usually, but may be insufficient enough to achieve this higher level of performance.

Doreen 13:28
Currently, based on your abilities.

Jeff 13:30
Your abilities and your capability.

Doreen 13:32
Right, like you might need to go back to school. You might need to learn a new trade, you might need to set forth and create a business plan.

Jeff 13:40
And what happens is that deficiency will put you in a mode of feeling stuck, right? It’ll put you in, you know, again, the primitive brain takes over and say, well, I need to do this, first, I need to do that, first. This has to happen, this has to happen. And we never start that business.

Doreen 13:59
Right? You never start to this, and the that right? Things? Well, I mean, this plays into the model, which is your thinking is going to create your action and the results, your feelings, action results, right? So if you have a vision that you want to open a new business, right, that’s a vision. And I think you can put that in what we call the C line. In the fact line, let’s say, I have a vision of opening a new business, whatever it is, right? Right. ABC Company, okay, that you can put in the circumstance line. Right? Because it’s what you’re thinking, I’m sorry, it’s what you were. Yeah, it’s what you’re thinking.

Jeff 14:44
This a goal, can be a circumstance.

Doreen 14:46
Yeah, can be a fact. Like, I have a plan to do this, right. And then go ahead. Let’s walk it through.

Jeff 14:52
So you’re gonna have a thought about it. thought might be Well, I’m not capable, blank on that. I don’t have the the means to do this, right? And that’s your thought, what’s going to happen after that you’re going to have a feeling of well, let me put it on the backburner, or I’m not good enough for.

Doreen 15:12
No, no. The feeling the feeling, let me just if you don’t mind, go ahead and feeling is the feeling. So if the thought is, I want to open a new business is the new circumstance, circumstance. And the thought is, I don’t have the skills yet to do this new business, whatever it is, okay, then your feeling might be one of overwhelm, right? Let’s just say overwhelm. And your action then might be to put it on the back burner. That’s the procrastination,

Jeff 15:45
Yes, procrastination is action.

Doreen 15:47
Procrastination is in the model, it’s the action line. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the model, it would be probably beneficial to go back and what we’ll do in the notes on this episode, when we do the description, or below, it will make sure that we tell you what episode that’s in absolutely right. So that you can learn about that, or better yet, you can give us a call. I mean, you could set up a discovery call, which is complimentary. And we can work through this actual model with you on anything that you choose, which is super cool to do.

Jeff 16:27
And another reason for procrastination when you have a goal like that, the career the big word time is already spoken for. Right and your day, your day is packed. Right? If you have kids.

Doreen 16:42
Is that why my closet looks like that?

Jeff 16:44
That’s really not that bad.

Doreen 16:48
Well, not for most people, but I’m one of those..

Jeff 16:51
Three closets?

Doreen 16:52
I do not, I have two.

Jeff 16:54
So what happens is when your time is already spoken for, a disruption of your time management comes in, right? And that’s why you tend to put things off right and procrastinate, because it’s very uncomfortable feeling when your time management is.

Doreen 17:11
Yeah, I mean, we’re talking about, so you’re taking the person, as our example, who this is a person who’s not laying on the couch watching, watching, binging and Netflix series. This is a person that probably already has a career is you know, engaged with their children and has a routine and business and they’re going to work and things like this. Right? How do you make it happen? Right?

Jeff 17:37
Well, one way is time management. Well, when you see, yeah, of course, when you see the goal, you see the how, and the what and the when but you don’t see the why, there the why is got to be so important. And if you don’t see the why bigger than the how and the what, then that’s how you get stuck.

Doreen 17:55
Well I think the why in our example would be more money. Freedom of time. Freedom of, sky’s the limit.

Jeff 18:06
Yeah, empowerment, confidence.

Doreen 18:10
Confidence, example to your children. Things something maybe it’s something you always wanted to do or you always had a passion for, you know, whatever it is. So I agree with you your why is what carries you forward and and the why is so important. The why is what gets you up and into the gym in the morning when you don’t want to, the why is what usually helps you to move through something that you rather not do at the moment.

Jeff 18:40
And every time you have a new goal, you have to also have a new why, along with that new coal would go what you want to be different with, say it again, you have to have a new why with everything that you want, your Ys have to be super powerful. So if something comes up where you’re where you’re you’re working on your new business, for the with the example and something comes up, you have to create a stronger and new why every time something comes up and wants to pull you away or wants to put it down.

Doreen 19:16
I always thought that the things that we procrastinate about are the indications of what we should be doing. You know when you know you’re procrastinating, I’m not talking about researching and doing that procrastinating on purpose now that we understand the Google a definition of it, but when you know you want something, you’ve set that intention, you understand your vision and your why. And you’re still not doing it when the procrastination goes bad I’m gonna say right turns into not a good thing, right? That’s the indication that that’s probably the thing you need to do the most like for me, and the example earlier that I know what I need to do with regard to something for my business, for my new firms SplytUp, and it’s something that’s going to require a lot of time. It’s a research, okay, project that I need to do or that I should do, right. And I keep putting it off only because, not only because because that’s an excuse, right? But because I know it’s going to take me about three hours to complete that project to do it correctly. Now, the truth is, I could do an hour today. And I could do an hour tomorrow and an hour next week. Right? I could break it down because that why has to be and my why or the company SplytUp is so compelling that there’s no question it’s gonna get done.

Jeff 20:44
At the end of the month, your four hours ahead of where you would have been?

Doreen 20:46
Three hours?

Jeff 20:47
Well, your per week, that’s four weeks. Working it out. But you know, also, what Dan Sullivan said was that almost procrastination, like in the book, of course, is like he didn’t say it to me directly. But procrastination can be seen as as failures. They’re their little blips of learning something. So when procrastination happens, it gives you the opportunity to learn why you’re you procrastinating it. And that’ll give you a little bit of motivation to change your why, make some adjustments and get it done quicker.

Doreen 21:27
So let me ask you a question. I think you’ve touched on all of this. But what kind of advice then do you have to our listeners? On, if they’re dealing with procrastination, they understand that it’s not, that it’s a negative for them, right? Then how do you get past it?

Jeff 21:47
Well, I think one thing that’s really important that we always talk about is awareness. And being aware what you’re putting off, you don’t even have to use the word procrastination. You just say, I’m putting this off. I need to get this done. This has should have been done a long time ago, but it’s not done. And it becomes a procrastination in our terms. Yes. You kind of take action on that you figure out why?

Doreen 22:10
I understand what you’re saying. You’re saying just take action on it? How?

Jeff 22:16
Well, get right down and your daily goals. There’s usually three that we do every day that are usually our top priorities. Of course, I have sub goals that make those goals possible. So you know, and it’s not a.. I don’t even like using the word procrastination. At that point, I’m using the priorities, goals, things that I’d like to get done to dues. What I like to do, and not to be redundant. But I do a must do. A should do, would like to do, and then a delegate list. So you have a list of four things that you want to do daily, there’s the must dues, you have to get them done today, or else there will be negative consequences.

Doreen 23:03
Nothing should ever happen that way in my mind, because you know about most things in advance. Well, in other words, there should be very few must dues, because most of us know, in advance what we have to do. Let’s say we have a meeting tomorrow. Well, we know that like meetings generally don’t get put on the calendar like the day before. So I think that procrastination is a problem, because people wait till the last minute too.

Jeff 23:32
If you’re looking at a must do is in a negative connotation, probably yes. But a must dues are just these are two priorities. That’s all these are my top priorities, so there might be some things that you have to do. Let’s say you order the coffee or not you but whoever has to order the coffee for today’s meeting, you’re not going to order it a week ago. But you’re you know, it has to be done this morning. But it’s a must do, then the should do would be things that you should do to keep the ball rolling, keep the goals in line, would like to do might be just reading or reading a book, or doing something around the house that needs to get done. And then the delegation that’s kind of given you things that you delegate to somebody else, right. So that’s how you get it done. So first, you’re aware of the fact in, awareness is key. And then you need to be of course capable.

Doreen 24:24
You don’t need to do any well. I keep trying to break, I keep trying to break you have that word.

Jeff 24:31
I must break you.

Doreen 24:33
I must break you have the words need nobody needs to do anything.

Jeff 24:37
Our listeners are probably wondering what in the world did they have for lunch? But and definitely use your team around you. You know, a lot of times if it’s a capability, or you’re insufficient in something you have these, these team around you to use to make things more possible.

Doreen 24:56
Well, I mean, a lot of our listeners may or may not be in business for themselves. But they certainly have resources. I mean, every, you know, or should we call it? You know, you want to find the right people that are better at doing certain things and more efficient than you are. And that could be a whole other episode about what that looks like. Like, when when the kids were little we had you know, we had helper people, helper, I didn’t like to call them well, helper people, because they changed. It went from typical nannies. Right, right when they were young, to more of people that could assist with driving, because for kids going in for directions, right. And I was working full time, and people that would help clean the house, you know, that made more sense,

Jeff 25:42
That would help us up the stairs.

Doreen 25:47
We’re not there yet.

Jeff 25:48
We’re not there yet. But I think the main focus of this podcast episode is to realize that your procrastinations can become a positive thing in your life, it can become a part of your ambition that turns thoughts of grandeur into not things that are going to be put off, but things that you’re going to attack and things that you’re going to do and things you’re going to take action on.

Doreen 26:16
Yeah, I think I just had an aha moment. So basically, what you’re saying is procrastination is an indication that you have a vision or a goal a better thought about who you’re going to be in the future.

Jeff 26:27
Definitely.

Doreen 26:28
Oh, so now it makes sense. Yes. What do you do with those people who procrastinate all the time?

Jeff 26:34
Well, sometimes I think the procrastinations aren’t a bad thing. I think just their goals might be kind of weak. They don’t have the why, they don’t have the why they’re strong enough why. That’s why the why is so important. If your why isn’t important, it’s easy to put off thing, right? It’s easy to put things off that are difficult chance, you have to want it and not just really want to be have to have a why why you really want it.

Doreen 27:05
Someone I know has been trying to get in shape for a while. And I wanted to I suggested assisting on some levels with that as to goal setting as a coach from a life coach, not from a you know, like a trainer coach, but to help them accountability partner and to set the goal and the intention and the why and all that. And I realized that his why was the issue. He wanted to get in shape. He wanted to be healthier. He wanted to lose weight. But his why wasn’t that compelling? In other words, he was like, Yeah, but I still look good. Like, I’m okay. Like, you know what I’m saying? Like, yeah, I would like to do this. But so maybe that’s where the procrastination is coming from.

Jeff 27:49
Well, if if it’s who I’m thinking of, it’s probably more of maybe he doesn’t want to know. You know, you’re you’re trying to help them do something. Talk about health and fitness. And, you know, maybe he doesn’t want to know.

Doreen 28:06
I think what you’re saying is it requires a deeper dive into the compelling reason of your vision.

Jeff 28:15
Part of the why has to be a deep dive into your brain. And really figure out yourself, do some self study, awareness, write things down, and really do a study on why you do things. I mean, it’s really the you have the answers in your head, you don’t really need to go to a friend or a family member or your boss or even a coach like us. You have the answers in your own brain, we want you to come to us. But if you start thinking deeply thinking why you’re putting something off, you may either cross it off.

Doreen 28:54
Yeah. Yeah. Because you don’t want to beat yourself up over it either.

Jeff 28:58
I was gonna just say that that’s the worst thing you could do is beat yourself up over it.

Doreen 29:02
Just put it on the back burner and say, Hey, for now, like this client, I’m thinking about, you know, maybe he just needs to say, Well, I’m not gonna I’m not gonna do that right now. That goal of getting into better shape. And what he envisions out to be maybe it should be like, why don’t we just consider putting that off the off the focus right now?

Jeff 29:22
Well it’s better than lying to yourself.

Doreen 29:24
Absolutely. That’s true.

Jeff 29:26
You’ll be truthful to yourself and suck it up. And you may not like to hear what your other half has to say to yourself. But I think that it’ll be this weight lifted off your shoulders that okay, I don’t have that procraft procrastination hanging on my shoulders anymore.

Doreen 29:45
Lighten up the load. Go on the backburner for now. That’s why I think it’s important also when you’re especially going through divorce and you’re setting goals for yourself, which to me is paramount and getting you through it. I think it’s it speeds up the process of recovery. And moving forward and moving on, when you have those goals, and you just keep yourself moving forward, but you want to be very deliberate in that you don’t want to have five goals at one time. You know, and I tend to do that myself, you know, I have, like, all these goals, and then it drives me crazy, because I’m trying to keep up on everything that has to happen in order for that goal to be reached. And so, you know, a friend of ours recently invited me to do a class with her. And I love her like, she’s the most amazing person and I thought, Oh, yes, I definitely want to go to this class, you know, it’s an exercise class, like a boxing thing, right. But on the other hand, I’m thinking, I already have my, one of my goals has been to lose weight, and to get into better shape. And I’ve done I think, really well, at getting there. And, um, and now it’s just a matter of more focus on muscle and, and converting, you know, myself into more muscle mass, right. So but not, but also not getting too big. Right? So it’s a balance, but I thought, What am I, if I love this class, when am I going to fit into my schedule? I mean, I don’t have time in my schedule. Right now I like what I’m doing with regard to my workout. I like my schedule, it fits into my priorities, and doesn’t become a procrastination issue because of my why. But if I throw in this other thing to do this other class, it’s probably not feasible. So should I even go to try it?

Jeff 31:40
Well, I think you, I think not you, but when I’m talking to everybody out there, you got to have a certain amount of priorities. You have to be able to say no. And if you have 20 priorities that you’re trying to do, by with 10 actions,

Doreen 31:58
It’s not gonna work. Math doesn’t equate.

Jeff 32:01
Yes. And you had you know, the that’s a whole nother podcast about the ability to say no, because that’s something we are overdue.

Doreen 32:07
We’ll talk about that. And saying no, is so powerful.

Jeff 32:10
It is not only powerful, but it’s also you know, with time management, and brain management. It’s so important.

Doreen 32:18
Yeah, for sure. All right. Well, I think there’s some great things that I’ve learned today, at least, yes, thank you.

Jeff 32:27
Well, I’ve learned too, thank you.

Doreen 32:28
Thank you.

Jeff 32:29
And we hope the listeners enjoyed the podcast and we will see you next week. In the meantime, have an amazing day. And know that we love you, and we’ll talk to you soon.

Doreen 32:40
Bye everyone.

Jeff 32:41
Bye bye. You have the vision of what you want your life to look like after divorce, but maybe you just don’t know how to get there. So if you’re ready to take control of your life and want to find out more about our coaching, visit us at lad- coaching.com. That’s LAD as in lad-coaching.com.

Doreen 33:12
Until next time, have an amazing rest of your day. And remember, yes, you can..

Doreen & Jeff 33:18
Have an amazing life after divorce.