Ep. 168 – Getting Unstuck

Jeff 00:00
Hello, everybody out there. If you’re feeling stuck in your marriage divorce, or maybe your life after divorce, then this episode is definitely for you. So if you’re ready, let’s get started with Episode 168.

Doreen 00:23
Are you ready to create a life that’s better than ever before? We are Doreen Yaffa and Jeff Wilson, and we are here to give you the strategies you need to create the life after divorce that you deserve and desire. As partners, both in marriage and coaching, we use our expertise as well as our own personal experiences to help you make the next chapter of your life the best chapter.

Jeff 00:56
Hello, Doreen, how are you?

Doreen 00:58
I’m good. Well, we’re dealing tonight with Hurricane Milton’s headed towards Florida as we are recording this. So let’s pray for everyone that they’re safe. I feel so bad for all the people on the west coast of Florida that have been dealing with the aftermath of what was it Helene?

Jeff 01:17
Yes, Helene.

Doreen 01:18
Helene and now this-

Jeff 01:21
I know it’s-

Doreen 01:22
I was going to say living here in South Florida, but look what happened up in the Carolina’s, right? Nobody would have ever expected in a million years, right?

Jeff 01:29
Yeah, one of our favorite towns, Asheville.

Doreen 01:32
Yeah, Asheville and surrounding areas in North Carolina. So let’s send our prayers to everyone who’s dealing with all of these issues from these hurricanes. Yes, anyhow.

Jeff 01:45
Samantha’s back in town.

Doreen 01:46
Yeah. So our youngest daughter, Samantha, just got back yesterday. Yay. From her travels around Europe, she was in, let’s see where was she. She was in France, Switzerland, Belgium, German.

Jeff 02:03
Amsterdam.

Doreen 02:03
And well, Amsterdam and yeah. So I’m so excited I’ll be having dinner with her tomorrow night and hearing all the things. And so proud of the kids, right?

Jeff 02:14
Absolutely.

Doreen 02:15
Yeah. So today, we’re going to talk about being stuck.

Jeff 02:19
Like I said in the introduction. You know, you could be stuck in your marriage, you could be stuck in your divorce, and of course, life after divorce, you can be stuck. But are you really stuck? Or is it something that’s in your mind?

Doreen 02:32
Well, as we teach, thoughts are voluntary.

Jeff 02:37
And a choice.

Doreen 02:38
You know, it’s interesting, because, like you always tell us six- you have about 60,000 thoughts a day, and most of us are not aware that we’re having thoughts. So what we want to talk about today is about if you feel like you’re stuck. Stuck, for example, making a decision, do I stay in a marriage? Do I get out? Stuck primarily after divorce, like trying to move on, trying to figure out where to go, and all that. It’s really, I think you’re going to suggest to us, right, Jeff, it’s about dealing and understanding your emotions, where they’re coming from, which emotion or feelings come from, thoughts and how to help you move past being stuck to clarity. You know how you make a decision, even if it’s really not the decision you want to make, but somehow, even though you you don’t like the decision that you’re making, like maybe leaving a marriage, quitting a job, saying goodbye to someone maybe that you don’t want to be friends with, something like this. It’s uncomfortable and it’s unpleasant, but you almost feel a sense of relief after you finally make that decision.

Jeff 03:45
Well and you know, if we can jump to the primitive brain real quick, we the reason that we have such a difficult time making those decisions is our primitive brain that teaches us to stay comfortable in our in our comfy zone and stay away from change, stay away from difficult things, and look for the easy way out and search for you know, pleasure.

Doreen 04:08
Avoid pain.

Jeff 04:09
Avoid pain. Seek pleasure.

Doreen 04:11
That’s what our primitive brain does.

Jeff 04:12
So we’re taught this.

Doreen 04:14
Well I think it’s not, it’s not even that we’re taught this. I think this is just who we are. We’re built this way.

Jeff 04:21
Built this way.

Doreen 04:21
We’re built to avoid pain and suffering, like, let’s get out of it as quickly as we can. Is what our primitive brain says, ooh, this doesn’t feel good. So when you’re stuck, you’re not really getting out of pain. You’re kind of like stuck in pain. You’ve just learned to kind of deal with it, right? And that’s not good either, right?

Jeff 04:41
Exactly.

Doreen 04:42
So let’s talk.

Jeff 04:43
Okay, all right.

Doreen 04:44
So what do you want to talk about?

Jeff 04:45
Well, you know, first I think-

Doreen 04:46
By the way, PS, I’ll say that this time, you look very handsome today.

Jeff 04:50
Oh, well, thank you very much.

Doreen 04:52
And for those of you who do not know, we are doing this also on YouTube, on video so you could come see us.

Jeff 04:59
From the comfort of our own home.

Doreen 05:00
Yes, we are here in our own home. So let’s talk.

Jeff 05:05
Well, I think that the one thing about staying stuck is you’re not teaching yourself resilience and perseverance and the ability to, you know, to do something difficult in life. And I think you’re neglecting everybody else around you from the greatness that you can become.

Doreen 05:27
Yeah, I love saying that, yeah. Not only are you not giving yourself the beauty of all the things that you can discover and become, but you’re really taking it away from the world. Because every one of us has something amazing to contribute, to give and even if it’s on a small level or a big level. And so think about that. I also think that when you’re stuck, you know, not making decisions, not moving forward, I just say, you know, we also talk about you can run away from things and you- and that’s being stuck as well. Avoidance. But you can also stay stuck just standing still, right? But one of the other things is avoidance behaviors. And what I mean by that is that because our per unit brain, because we as humans, try to seek pleasure, we want to avoid pain. A lot of times we’ll seek artificial dopamine hits to do that, such things as eating sugar, drinking alcohol, gambling, pornography, all these things create very quick artificial dopamine hits that feel good and get you out of feeling yucky, right?

Jeff 06:41
Temporarily.

Doreen 06:42
Avoidance behaviors that can lead to other problems. So now you’re dealing with being stuck, but you’re also dealing with these avoidance behaviors, right? Yeah, so you call it buffering.

Jeff 06:53
We’ll explain buffering again, is when you avoid do something to excess, to avoid the pain, to avoid the emotion that you’re having.

Doreen 07:01
Yeah, kind of numb out and come out.

Jeff 07:04
Yeah, yeah. What you were talking about is the problems compound themselves.So when you’re done buffering, or if you ever, hopefully do, seek help to get out of the buffering that you’re going through, you have the buffering to deal with, and now you have the underlying problem that was always there at all.

Doreen 07:20
So yeah, and these buffering behaviors, like, you know, let’s having that glass or two or three of wine every night, you know, becomes a habit. It’s kind of the way of coping with the the issues that you don’t want to cope with. But that’s just one of many behaviors. Hi, Zen! I think he’s ready to join. My little Frenchie is sitting here wanting to come up and say hello, but we’re gonna let you stay down there. My nice, cute little boy, I know. I know. Okay.

Jeff 07:51
Yeah, he’s gonna hit the mic so, come here Zen.

Doreen 07:55
So let’s talk about coping skills. So learning new coping skills can help you face problems as they come up. So those are things like breathing exercises, meditations, thought work, I’ll say that again. Thought work, knowing what you’re thinking that’s causing this issue for you. Another coping message mechanism or skill that we like to talk about is try to face problems with an open mind, taking responsibility and avoiding self pity. So what you mean by that is like when you’re stuck in a circumstance or a situation. First of all, you’re not stuck. You know that right? Like you, everyone has the ability to get unstuck. You can do things, you can make decisions. We’re all unless you’re, you know, somehow restricted or restrained, which most of you are not. You have the ability to get unstuck. You just choose not to. So I think, you know, being open minded, to look at the situation, to be neutral about it, to determine, like from a neutral place. What am I dealing with not to be in the self pity kind of woe is me, I’m stuck. Like, really, just, are you really stuck? Like, look at it from that perspective, right?

Jeff 09:12
Yeah, definitely. And I think the one thing that we talk about is understanding that your awareness that you’re being you’re stuck, and then the fact that you’re taking some kind of action as well, not just taking responsibility for being stuck, but taking responsibility for getting unstuck.

Doreen 09:32
Well and that might be really determining the pros and cons. What is the decision I need to make? Why am I stuck? And what does it look like? But one of the things also I was trying to go to the next one, which is try to focus on present moments and avoiding focus on past and future. And what that means is getting drawn into that thoughts about, well, what if things were different? You know? What if I didn’t get divorced? What if he did this? What if she was like that? All that stuff and then also maybe looking at but if in the future, I could do this, or I could have this, as opposed to just me dealing with the present moment, the present situation, what is really going on? What is the fact and not a thought behind what you’re seeing as being stuck in? Does that make sense?

Jeff 10:30
Absolutely.

Doreen 10:30
Okay. What else?

Jeff 10:33
Well, one thing that we’ve always put these two together is that when you’re working out and you’re eating properly, you’ll tend to think properly. Perhaps you want to try yoga or something more for your mindfulness. That’s going to get you on the right path of thinking.

Doreen 10:53
Well, I think what we’re what you’re saying is, I’m going to recap it.

Jeff 10:57
Okay.

Doreen 10:59
Healthy mind, body, and spirit.

Jeff 11:01
Exactly.

Doreen 11:01
When you have a healthy mind, body, spirit, you’re able to cope better. So these are coping skills. You wanted to- I know, talk about the stages of divorce. So let’s, let’s turn to that.

Jeff 11:13
Absolutely well, I was thinking earlier that-

Doreen 11:16
And what we mean by that is emotional stages that have been well known for many years by people a lot smarter than us, who have figured that out.

Jeff 11:24
Exactly. You know it’s hard to be.

Doreen 11:29
That’s not nice.

Jeff 11:30
I think that when you- well first, I think that you- kay, yeah, let’s talk about it first. The you know, the stages of divorce, stages of grief. They’re pretty much the same.

Doreen 11:44
And they are shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

Jeff 11:48
Thank you for letting me.

Doreen 11:49
You’re welcome. I couldn’t wait anymore.

Jeff 11:51
What I was getting out was, I think that when you’re stuck, it’s because you don’t realize that your emotions, that you’re going through are very normal. So you’re thinking, well, this isn’t normal. And I’m kind of, you know, stuck in this feeling and and knowing that it is normal what you’re going through, then it helps you to work through it.

Doreen 12:11
That’s true. Yeah. Also want to suggest that while you know when you’re feeling an emotion like, let’s just pick, I don’t know. What do you want to pick, depression? Or anger? When you’re feeling that like recognize that you are feeling that emotion. Identify it. I like to have my clients name it, identify it. Like anger. I feel angry about the divorce. I feel angry about the breakdown of my marriage, I also feel that I’m stuck from this anger. Know that when you buffer, you avoid that, right? Because I think when you’re stuck, you’re just avoiding. It’s an avoidance mechanism. That’s a choice, like we said, but also getting through that emotion, like working past that anger is going to get you to the other side of it. We’re so afraid, generally, and our primitive side of us, our primitive brain, definitely wants to help us by getting away from the yucky feelings, right? And so we have the ability, through our prefrontal cortex, our thinking brain, to say, You know what? I know I’m feeling anger about the breakdown of my marriage, but I can deal with this anger. I can work through this emotion. I’m going to breathe into it. I’m going to get to the other side. It’s not going to hurt me. It’s not going to kill me. You got to work through it. You got to work through it. And then when you can get past that, past the anger, past that emotion, then you can start to identify the thoughts that you need to have in order to start to unstuck you.Unstick you.

Jeff 13:57
Unstick you. And I know you, you say that a lot to tell your clients a lot, that you can’t go under the anger. You can’t go around the anger over the anger. You got to go right through it. I know you’re pretty big on having to deal with it is the only way you’re going to be able to get past it. Right?

Doreen 14:15
Exactly. Yeah. Let’s talk about thoughts.

Jeff 14:19
Well, I think that when you’re saying, recognizing your emotion, that you’re going through, understanding that it only comes from your thoughts. Your thoughts create those feelings.

Doreen 14:34
And how do we know that? We know that because two people could have the same circumstance, right? And a circumstance for all of you listeners out there who do not know, you should go back probably and listen to one of our episodes about the model, M, O, D, E, L. It’s basically the fundamental principle of most of our coaching. It’s a foundation which is that a circumstance which is a fact. Creates a thought, that creates a feeling, that creates an action or inaction. That’s the stuck part, that creates a result you have in the in your life. So for example, if your result is that you can’t make a decision, you can work backwards. The thought is, I can’t make the thought, the result is you can’t make a decision, meaning you’re just stagnant. You’re stuck, right? You’re stuck figuring out what to do. That’s the result.

Jeff 15:29
The result is you haven’t made a decision, not making the decision is the action.

Doreen 15:34
Well, I was going to work backwards. So now if we go back to the action or inaction line, I’m working up the model right? There was probably an inaction that left you in the result of being stuck, right? That came from a feeling. Maybe it was confusion. That’s a big one. Why people get stuck, they’re confused, overwhelmed and confusion. Overwhelm and confusion, I think are the number one emotions people feel when they’re stuck. Now, you go to that and you sayyeah, I feel overwhelmed, and so I understand I didn’t take action, maybe even buffered instead, and now I have a result of being in the same place. Now go past that. What was your thought that created the feeling of overwhelm, for example, right?

Jeff 16:27
Yeah, exactly. I mean, it’s, it’s a the model is something that is undeniable when it comes to when you break it down and work it backwards, or work it, you know, from the middle out, or the middle down, as long as you are aware and recognize a piece of the model, then you can work it out for any to get the results that you want.

Doreen 16:48
And I know this is for those of you who don’t know the model yet or haven’t had an opportunity to listen to those that podcast episode. This is where the coaching beauty comes in, and where most of our clients, really, I want to say, thrive?

Jeff 17:07
Have that aha moment.

Doreen 17:08
I was going to say, have that aha moment. They’re like, Oh, I get it. So the results I have in my life are based on my thoughts. And there is nothing that anyone is going to tell me. And I beg the listeners to try me on this, that if you have a result in your life that you don’t like or you like, that it isn’t a creation from your thoughts. It always stems from your thoughts. So for example, I don’t know pick a thought that would keep someone stuck in a marriage that they know is over.

Jeff 17:41
I’ll never meet anybody like them again.

Doreen 17:43
Or I’ll never meet anybody afterwards who wants somebody that’s been married, right? And so that thought leads to probably sadness, that then leads to likely inaction.

Jeff 17:56
Lack of confidence.

Doreen 17:57
And then leads to you being stuck, right?

Jeff 18:01
I think one of the biggest issues out there is that most people, and I’ll go on the limb as well, like you did, believe that their thoughts are circumstances. They believe that their thoughts are facts and that they can’t do anything about them.

Doreen 18:16
And I’ll hear things from clients that say, Oh no, well, you don’t know my husband, or you’ve never met my wife, right? Or my ex. And the bottom line is, here’s how you know that a circumstance is not a fact, but it’s a thought. Do you know what I’m gonna say?

Jeff 18:35
Because two people gonna have different thoughts about the same thing.

Doreen 18:38
About the same. Exactly.

Jeff 18:40
The circumstance is a fact.

Doreen 18:41
Yeah. So your wife could come in and say something to you that really just drives you crazy, and the you know, your thought might be like, “Oh my gosh, like, I gotta get out of this marriage. Like, this is just an ongoing thing,” but she could say the same thing to someone else, and they’d be like, “Oh, that’s fine.”

Jeff 19:01
And some people may be sad about the divorce, and the other person’s happy about the divorce. So it’s all about the same.

Doreen 19:08
Or somebody will. So the beauty in coaching is that we take that thought of, I’ll never find anybody that left you stuck the example you just gave, and we’ll just gently, gently start to change that thought to something new, something new like, I don’t know.

Jeff 19:27
Well, it’d be something soft. Would be more like, well, what happens if you did?Or what would you do if you did meet somebody?

Doreen 19:34
Or do you know or I know people that thought they would never find somebody who have, oh, there’s- I could do this too.

Jeff 19:42
Or what I do a lot of my coaching is use myself as an example. You know, I never thought I was going to meet somebody incredibly beautiful that I would fall in love with when I was going through divorce. I didn’t want to have anything to do with women.

Doreen 19:58
I don’t believe that on any level. Well, I wouldn’t say anything.

Jeff 20:02
I took one look at you and I said, “Love, does a live.” You know, so. But you know, I use myself as an example because we’re both, you know, second marriages. And you know, the dating scene out there, I know is a little strange, right now, most people have told me that’s their thoughts, but I know that it’s possible. We’ve said we’ve seen a lot of clients and a lot of our friends that have gone through it that are happier than they’ve ever been.

Doreen 20:32
Yeah, I can tell you, just based on my own experience, you know, doing handling divorces for 30 years now, that rarely do I see someone after the divorce is over. I’m talking like, you know, let’s just take a number, six months after? Who doesn’t feel and think that they’re in a better place, right?

Jeff 20:55
Right? Yeah, I’m not saying I still miss them.

Doreen 20:58
And it doesn’t mean that the marriage was a failure, right? I know there’s also a lot of people that get stuck, staying in relationships, in marriages that are bad because of religious beliefs or social stigma that they’re concerned about, or maybe for their children’s sake, those are all things that you should address. So one of the things to help you to get unstuck is to really sit down, figure out what your thoughts are, and then start to really, you know, like, analyze it. Is this a truthful thought? Is this real? Could I have a different thought?

Jeff 21:32
Exactly. That’s a great question to ask yourself is could somebody see this in a different way. Or could somebody think of it in a different way. And I think one thing that’s a great way to start having clarifying moments is to take little baby steps, little action steps.

Doreen 21:50
Yeah, we’re not telling you that you need to jump from being totally unstuck on a decision or how to move forward to now you’re going to have complete clarity. I mean, that’s just not really possible? I don’t think it’s possible. You know, it’s it’s little steps towards clarity. It’s little steps to changing your thoughts. Look another thing we I like to suggest is, why don’t you go visit with a lawyer, find out if you’re stuck in a marriage and you’re considering divorce? What does it look like? What do I- what’s a 101 on divorce? What am I going to get? What can I expect? What are the different processes? Because you might be relieved if you’re feeling stuck because you’re afraid of the divorce process. There are so many options out there, and a lot of them are a kinder, gentler process in what you may have seen, you know, social media world, or heard of in the movies like, what is it, the War of the Roses? And all that we’re dating ourselves.

Jeff 22:49
You know, I always say power- knowledge is power. So the more knowledge you have, the more confident and more powerful you’re going to be. But I know that, what do you say to people when they’re going to meet with you about a divorce. How are they going to feel afterwards?

Doreen 23:05
I’m always like at the consultation, I know one thing, I think that I can pretty much guarantee that when we finish this consultation, you are going to feel a lot better. It’s a less scary place than you perceive it to be. And I think that’s true with most things. I think our imagination kind of always takes us to this place of, oh my gosh, it’s going to be so horrible, like making a decision and moving forward in whatever direction, right? We tend to think of the worst case scenarios, and that is false evidence appearing real. You know, which stands for fear, right? False vidence appearing real, it’s not real. Every situation is different. Every divorce is different, and every person after divorce comes to us, comes to their situation differently. That’s why it’s so important when we coach to know where that person is emotionally, what stage of that divorce are they in? Because you know what, sometimes you’re not ready to move on and make big decisions until you first deal with your emotions. There is a grieving process. There are stages of divorce. You need to know what stage you’re in, and that’s the first part of the Thrive after divorce program is figuring out what stage you’re in.

Jeff 24:18
Well and that’s why we made it the first part, because you have to know where you’re at so you can have the map to go where you want to go.

Doreen 24:25
That’s true. You can’t go there if you don’t know where you’re starting from.

Jeff 24:29
Exactly.

Doreen 24:29
So what else?

Jeff 24:30
Well, I think that there’s a couple of questions that may come to your mind that when you’re going through this stuck feeling, you might ask yourself, who am I? You know, where have I been? Where am I going? How can I get reconnected? That’s a good one. Other words, they feel so distant. Well, some people, when they’re stuck, they feel so distant from their family, their friends, you know, just everybody, their children. So they want to reconnect. Which parts of me have I lost touch with. You know? And that’s why we say a lot of this is about rediscovery and trying to build this new chapter for yourself, because you seem to maybe have lost touch with yourself. Why am I so stuck in the past and how,why is it so difficult to get out of the past?

Doreen 25:22
Yeah. I know it’s tough. It’s this is not easy stuff, but it is doable. The worst part of it is staying stuck, and then days go by, months go by, years go by.

Jeff 25:35
Yeah, that’s a bit that’s stuck.

Doreen 25:37
And then you’re really stuck, and you’re like, you’re just unhappy. You’re not moving forward in life. Life is not a dress rehearsal. You realize that when things happen like recently, we just lost your mom. And so, you know, when you have a loss like that, it tends to kind of build some awareness that this life is limited here on Earth, right? And so why be stuck?

Jeff 26:03
We do live our life like it’s never ending. And I believe, knowing that it isn’t a dress rehearsal, it’s definitely a life of 50/50, and it’s a life that we have to make the most of, because it is typically short when we get to the bottom part of it, I think that thought of we gotta get going life is short, is a good way to get unstuck as well.

Doreen 26:29
The other thing, yeah, I do too. I think the other thing is, you are a chooser of your choices, meaning, you know, this is where the self pity and and if you’re stuck, then you’re choosing to be in stuckness, right? You make a choice, I’m going to stay here. And you know what? If you want to stay in a marriage that that isn’t good for you, that’s a choice, and you should not be questioned about that. If that’s a choice you make, be there, but be there because you made a choice, not because you feel stuck. Own it and say, I’m going to stay in this marriage. It may not be the best marriage, it may not be the best circumstance. I may not even love my spouse anymore, but I’m deciding to stay. And know your reasons why, and then that’s unstuck, that you’re you’re unstuck, right?

Jeff 27:15
And I believe that’s the only way the model is going to work for the everybody out there, including myself, including you. You have to understand your thoughts are the only thing in the model that you can control. Everything comes from the thoughts. You can’t change the circumstance, but you can control your thoughts. And that’s the beauty of life is you have that you are the chooser of your choice.

Doreen 27:42
I also think it’s important for you, and this really zeros in also after divorce, is that believe in what you want. Have faith in yourself and your ability to get where you want to go after divorce, rather than voting against yourself and staying stuck in the past. Just have confidence that you can do this, you can, right?

Jeff 28:03
Well, I think that’s why it’s so important to start off slow, start off with baby steps to build that confidence and build the belief in yourself. But if you start off that way, you’re going to remain stuck. So you have to take that leap of faith and say, Well, maybe not even a leap, maybe the baby step of faith, and say, I can do this. I know what I want and I deserve what I want.

Doreen 28:25
So to get unstuck, it’s probably going to involve making a choice you don’t want to make. I talked about that, and you’re afraid that if you make that choice, you might be making the wrong choice.

Jeff 28:36
Back to the primitive brain.

Doreen 28:38
Just got to go for it. You just got to go for it. You got to recognize that you’re stuck, you’re unhappy, whatever the circumstances are in your life, and that you want out, right? You want out of being stuck.

Jeff 28:50
And like I said earlier, when it comes to understanding the stages of emotions that they’re normal, being afraid to make those decisions is also normal, by the way we were created. Remember, with the primitive brain, it doesn’t want us to make hard decisions. It wants us to stay comfortable and take it easy. So know that making these decisions is tough as normal as well.

Doreen 29:14
It is, it is. And then what do you want for your future? Right? How many of you don’t think about that? We think about it when we’re young. We think about it when we go to school, what we want to study. We think about it as we start our careers, as we look for a mate, a spouse. We think of it as we have children like all these plans for the future. We think about it, as we gravitate through our career and go to various levels and improve and become more of an expert in whatever we’re doing. And then there comes a point for a lot of people where they do get stuck. They get stuck not creating goals, you know? They’re like, well, I’ve done that. I’ve got all the things, you know. I went just to school, I have a successful career, I’ve got kids, I got married, I draw things. It doesn’t stop just because you’ve accomplished certain things, there isn’t like a checklist that says, well, now you’ve completed all the checklists, and so let’s just stop. No, if you’re stuck not moving forward to create goals and to be into a bigger, better life for yourself, then you’re stuck. Even though on paper, you may look great, you have all the things right? But life and what really excites most people is growth. Is growing is thinking about all the things that you want to do and see and be and be with and you know keep striving, keep going out there, right? It’s one of the things I think, you know, when people ask me, well, they don’t really ask me yet, but I’m but sometimes they’ll say, you know, what do you see yourself doing? I don’t see myself ever retiring from business. I love what I do. So I like to say that until my mind and my body get out, I’m still doing what I want to do, which is creating law firms, bringing my split up concept to the world, which is a kinder way, gentler way to get divorced, that I want to bring throughout the entire United States. I mean, I have big goals, you know, I want to bring it here to Florida. I’ve already opened my law firm. I’m going to be probably merging it into my current firm at Yaffa Family Law Group. We’re going to be doing a rebranding. Like, I am excited about the future.

Jeff 31:32
Well, I want to be you.

Doreen 31:33
I’m just getting started. Like, yeah, man, let’s do all the things.

Jeff 31:38
And I wrote down a couple of questions, how do I find myself again? You know, so at one time, they were themselves, and then through marriage and maybe divorce and living a different life-

Doreen 31:49
Being a mom, being a dad, we lose our identity.

Jeff 31:51
Yeah, lose your identity. And how about living your life again on your own? You know, some people have a hard time being by themselves or being with themselves.

Doreen 32:03
Yeah, you do.

Jeff 32:04
I do.

Doreen 32:05
You’re very needy.

Jeff 32:06
I’m a needy guy.

Doreen 32:07
I said I was going out to dinner with Samantha tomorrow. You’re like, “uhh.” That was your reaction. Do you remember that?

Jeff 32:14
Yes, of course, I do.

Doreen 32:15
It’s happened like five minutes before we started the podcast.

Jeff 32:18
I miss her too. Iwant to have dinner with her.

Doreen 32:20
You can have dinner with her, but she’ll come say hi. I want a little mommy daughter time.

Jeff 32:24
All right, I’m a little dad time to himself.

Doreen 32:28
You can more- yeah, you pick up the phone. I’m sure she’s available. She’d love to see you.

Jeff 32:34
It all boils down to, what do we want.

Doreen 32:35
Right. Yeah, what do we want? All right, so-

Jeff 32:38
Well, we love- I would like to hear everybody’s story. I want to hear, no, I want to hear your story of what you want. I want to hear your story of what you want. Feel free to send it to me, to [email protected] and I want to hear what it is that you want. And I promise you that I will give you a complimentary coaching session.

Doreen 33:01
How does anybody like not take you up on that?

Jeff 33:04
Well, maybe they do. Maybe they do.

Doreen 33:06
It’s free, like he does these free coaching sessions. Just to explain to you, no strings attached, what you what it’s about.

Jeff 33:14
But here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna give everybody that sets up a call with me, the top five things they can do to get whatever it is they want. How’s that?

Doreen 33:25
So that’s what you’re going to talk about.

Jeff 33:27
Yes, five things whatever you want, you’re going to be able to-

Doreen 33:30
But you can only pick one thing that you want. Because, if not-

Jeff 33:34
What if they have five wants? Five ways to get what you want.

Doreen 33:37
The one thing you want.

Jeff 33:38
Yes, I mean, they could tell me a bunch of things that they want, but we will pick one.

Doreen 33:41
Oh my god, I’m gonna go do a coaching session with you.

Jeff 33:43
All right, yeah, of course.

Doreen 33:45
I’ll call in and I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.

Jeff 33:50
Hey, until next week, we’ll see you soon.

Doreen 33:52
All right, everybody, have a great week.

Doreen & Jeff 33:54
Bye.

Jeff 34:03
You have the vision of what you want your life to look like after divorce, but maybe you just don’t know how to get there. So if you’re ready to take control of your life and want to find out more about our coaching, visit us at LAD-coaching.com that’s LAD as in LAD-coaching.com,

Doreen 34:26
Until next time, have an amazing rest of your day and remember, yes you can-

Doreen & Jeff 34:32
Have an amazing life after divorce.