Hey, my friends. How are you doing? Just checking in. I’ve got an exciting episode today. One of my favorite concepts for just getting to such a better place and like learning how to control our brain and have the, get the results we want in our life. Because isn’t that what we’re really striving for is to find that place of happiness, that comfort to reach our goals and to just do better and create the life that we envision for ourselves, the life I know that you can have.
So today’s episode is about. Air time. In other words, that when you think about the negative of a circumstance, whatever that looks like for you to also give your brain your thoughts, equal air time on the possibility that it could be great. So let’s get started. What if I told you that your divorce could end up being one of the best things that could have happened to you?
I’m Doreen, Yaa, marital, and family, lawyer, and certified life coach. I’ve been consulting women for over 25 years. I’ve seen it all. Now. I’m sharing my expertise and my own personal experiences to help you turn a difficult time into your amazing.
So, this is a tool that I learned from my coach and I have to, in all honesty, remind myself because our human brains are gonna take us wherever they’re gonna take us. We don’t even understand half the time. Why? But. I have to work on this myself because things happen in our life and our thoughts just automatically for whatever reason, tend to go many times to the negative of the circumstance.
And so the concept that I wanna teach to you today is about giving your. Equal air time on not only working through the thoughts that you have about the circumstance or the situation as to the negative of it, but also to give yourself the equal time spent on. What happens if this turns out to be amazing, the positive, the good of it, but for whatever reason, the way that we’re put together as humans, we just tend to automatically in many circumstances, go to the negative bias.
You know what I call a negative bias thought process about whatever’s going on? You know, we just tend to default there and when we’re dealing with divorce and I, you know, it can be thinking about divorce in the middle of divorce, post divorce, you know, divorce just tends to bring out a lot of that negative thought process.
A lot of that bias towards the negative. When we think about our divorce, you know, there’s the way we think about it. Currently, if we’re in the middle of it, it’s the way we think about our divorce and how it’s gonna affect us in the future. And it’s also our thoughts about the past when it comes to the divorce.
In other words, what did we do wrong? To cause the divorce or what did he do wrong to? Cause the divorce that’s the past thought and what is going wrong today as to the divorce and what will go wrong. In the future because of the divorce. And we tend to have all these negative thoughts, but what if we were to give equal air time and spend our thoughts about what went right about the past, the present and the future stemming from our divorce.
The concept that I’ve discussed with you previously about the 50, 50 is really important when we try to grasp the equal air time for the positive and the negative. You see the 50, 50 as I’ve explained, it’s a constant half good half bad, half hard, half easy, half amazing. Half, not so much. The concept of the 50 50 is really important when I speak with you about equal air time for the negative of your divorce.
And yes, my friend, the positive of your divorce, the, but maybe it could be good. A good thing that this divorce happened. What if this could be the best thing that ever happened to me. And remember, this is why I call the podcast, your amazing divorce, because it takes us time to work through the negative, to then get to the positive and many times why your divorce has been, could be and likely.
Maybe the best thing that ever happened to you, that it pushed you to become, to see, to grow, to learn in such ways that now you’re able to become and to see a future. That’s just amazing because of it. But of course, when you’re in the middle of it, and you’re in the middle of your negative thoughts about it.
I mean, that’s not even something that you likely can even envision. So when I talk about the concept of equal air time, what I’m saying to you is when you’re thinking about the negative. And I’m using the circumstance of divorce, but this applies to anything in your life. And you think about all the negative as a result of whatever it is that happened or is going on, or maybe it’s even something you’re considering for the future.
I just want you to pause after you get through all those negative thoughts and just consider giving yourself the thoughts. Thinking about, but what about the positive? What about the good that can come for this? I mean, if it hasn’t happened yet, then it isn’t it possible that it could be great, good, or even amazing.
- So let’s do some examples here. Let’s think about our divorce currently. If you’re in the middle of divorce or freshly divorced, or getting ready to start the divorce, maybe you have negative thoughts. Like I will never find happiness. My kids are going to suffer through this divorce. Maybe I won’t be able to support myself.
Maybe he won’t pay or the judge won’t treat me fairly. How will I be able to afford things moving forward? I’m a failure. Our divorce was a failure. I’m unlovable. You know what I’m talking about? All these negative thoughts stemming from your divorce. And I’m not suggesting that you avoid these negative thoughts.
I want you to think about them. I want you to even consider writing them all down, getting it out on paper. As you know, I I’d love to journal and I encourage journaling, but just let it flow. Let your brain go there. But then I want you to consider. Taking the equal time that you spent on all the negative things and consider all the positive.
Now this isn’t gonna be natural for you. This doesn’t come easy. You have to first understand your thoughts, hear your thoughts about the negative, and then stop yourself afterwards. Give yourself the. To just open up your thoughts about the positive based on the circumstance. So the positive may be things like maybe my kids will be better off because they saw a lot of bad things during the marriage.
We fought a lot in front of them. Maybe this is healthier for them. Maybe I’ll find myself and get to do all the things I couldn’t do. When I was married, maybe I’ll pursue that career, that travel plan, that activity, that thing that I always wanted to do that I didn’t do that I didn’t have time to do when I was married.
Maybe I’ll find even a new person in my life, a person that I truly connect with my soul. Maybe I’ll find myself and really get to know myself and it takes more work to get there. Doesn’t it to think about all those positives that could happen when we think about the negative and we have those thoughts, they bring feelings like fear, anxiety, confusion, anger.
That’s just a natural flow and reaction to a negative thought. But when you force yourself to think about the positive, what miraculously happens is your feelings change to feeling such as confidence, strength, positivity. Optimism. I want you to think about the positive that can come from your divorce. I was speaking to some clients recently and I asked them, I explained that I was going to be doing this episode on equal air time.
And I asked them what they could come up with. PO as a positive thought process from their divorce. And I had some great responses, things like I’m really getting so much closer to my children. I can do hard things, things like I have people and resources around me that I never knew were there. That I have found a strength inside of me that I never knew existed.
And when you think about the negative, when it comes to your brain, I’m gonna give you another example, such as this wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to be married forever. That’s what our vows were, but you could equally look at that and. Maybe our relationship just ran its course. We have these amazing children as a result of our marriage.
I learned so much from this relationship. The next thing I wanna talk about is the time that we spend on negative thoughts. I mean, I want you to think back to something that happened in your life, that you had a lot of negative time, a lot of air time in the negative. And what happened as a result of that?
Was it as your negative thoughts considered it to be, or did it turn out to be okay. And then I want you to think about how much time you spent in that negative. Or negative thoughts about it? Was it days? Was it months? Was it even years? The other thing I wanna explain is that when you have a negative thought and this stems from anything negative, our action.
Tends to be a result of our feelings. So we have a negative thought and then we have a feeling about it and emotion, and we have an action that ends up as a result, right? So when we think negative things, we tend to act in a way that doesn’t serve our best interest. We take action from a negative place.
And we know that we’re having more negative air time than positive air time in our life. When we look at the results that we have at that time, if we have negative results, negative things that are happening, it’s probably because we’re not spending enough time. Refocusing on the positive, because when we have positive thoughts, we tend to have the feelings as I addressed of excitement, enthusiasm, and God, we got this and we can go and get it.
And then we take action from that place. When you force yourself to see the positive and the good in things, good things will happen. And. Takes time, my friend, it doesn’t happen overnight. This is an art. This is a concept that you have to apply. And switching gears just a minute, this applies equally. As to equal air time between the positive and the negative thoughts when you’re trying to reach future goals.
You see, when you think about your future goals and what you want to achieve, your brain will automatically, I promise you do the same thing. Meaning go to the negative. It will come up with all the reasons that the goal you have is a bad idea that it can’t be accomplished and it will find and search out the proof of that.
So let’s do an example here. Let’s say you wanna start your own business or you wanna change careers. Maybe it’s something that you’ve thought about for some time, your brain’s negative thought process will come up with all the reasons. It’s a bad idea. Things like what if I don’t make. What if I don’t know how to get started or how to proceed forward with it.
I don’t have the time for this. My kids need me right now, so I need to focus on them. I’ve never owned my own business before. Who do I think I am that I can accomplish this. I’m not educated enough or experienced enough. People will think I’m crazy. I’m not smart enough. I’m afraid of failure, but now let’s try this on for size, with positive thoughts.
What if I succeed? What if it’s everything I ever thought it would be and more, what if I can figure it out? What if people think it’s great? What if I help people and do an amazing job at it? What if I make a lot of money at. So again and not to continue to go around and around on this, you get it. My friend, you know what I’m talking about, the equal air time on the positive and the negative, and you’ve got this, you know why, cuz you are amazing.
You can do anything that you’re set your mind to. You can have the life you want and you can overcome all of this to such an amazing, great. beautiful place. Okay. So that’s my episode for you today. I hope you enjoyed it, but I have a favor to ask of you. I would like to have my listeners send in questions to me.
Topics or questions. Maybe questions would be best on things you want me to address or discuss in an episode. So my email address to do that is D YFA that’s D Y a F F a life balance, lawyer.com. I would so love to hear from you and what kind of things you want me to answer. And in the meantime, listen, take care of yourself, love each other.
love yourself first and foremost, and have a most spectacular, amazing week. See you later.
And until next time, have an amazing rest of the day. And remember, yes, you can buy everybody. Thanks so much for listening for tips, updates, and expert advice. Be sure to visit your amazing divorce.com. And remember my friends. Yes, you can have an amazing life after divorce. See you. Views expressed by the participants of this program are their own and do not represent the views of nor are they endorsed by YFA family law group or your divorce law center, their respective officers, directors, employees, agents, or representatives.
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