Ep. 34 – Fight, Flight, & Frozen

All right. My beautiful friends let’s get started. Let’s have fun today. You know, I’m gonna try to shorten up the episodes a little bit from time to time, cuz I know you’re busy. I know you wanna get on with your day. So the episode today, I have to say I was inspired by my new business coach. Dave Marino.

Yes. Coaches need coaches too. And we’re gonna talk about what he spoke about recently, which is fight or flight. You know, that mentality, fight or flight or what we’re gonna discover today. Freeze, where are you let’s get started? What if I told you that your divorce could end up being one of the best things that could have happened to you?

I’m Doreen YFA. Marital and family, lawyer, and certified life coach I’ve been consulting women for over 25 years. I’ve seen it all. Now. I’m sharing my expertise and my own personal experiences to help you turn a difficult time into your amazing divorce.

So I’m gonna take you back to caveman times, cave people times. And when the humans lived in caves and they were trying to pick berries and hunt food and basically stay warm and all these types of things, and they encountered, let’s say a bear or a lion or some other large creature like this. Now, typically when you get scared, and I know most of you have experienced this, your body physically, physically goes into like a frozen mode for a minute.

You ever have somebody jump out at you, you know, they hide behind a tree. Maybe your kids have done that to you or whomever, but you know, that immediate reaction is like, Ugh. And, and you don’t know what to do, cuz your brain is trying to quickly determine. am I gonna run away from this? Or am I gonna fight this?

And it has to evaluate it and it evaluates it relatively quickly, but there’s this, there’s this time, this moment, maybe a little longer where you’re feel like you’re frozen, you know, And you make a decision. Am I gonna stay and fight this circumstance? Or am I gonna run from it? Right. But you’re frozen for a period of time.

Now, when you’re going through a divorce, when you’ve been served with divorce papers, or even you’re having what I would consider an amicable divorce, things are going on, you know, what’s happen. Your life is going to change. The circumstances are changing. You’re moving. You’re gonna have less money.

You’re splitting assets. You’re splitting time with your kids. There are so many things going on that require you to make a, a determination. You’re you’re gonna freeze for a minute and you’re gonna decide, am I gonna fight that issue? Or am I going to basically run and concede to that issue? Am I gonna go into court and do what I need to do?

Or what am I gonna do? Am I gonna capitulate? Right. And I’m not suggesting that either is wrong or right. Every circumstance, every situation there is really no wrong or right. Except for the follow. If you stay stuck in frozen land, what do I mean by that? What I mean by that is. Something is going on in your divorce decisions are being made or post divorce.

And instead of making a decision to move forward, to fight for what you want to fight for a better future to get. To the next chapter of your amazing life or to say, you know what? I’ve decided, I’m not gonna fight that fight. I’m okay with that. I’m gonna give that issue up. I’m gonna be comfortable with that.

You stay in what I call frozen zone. And what that means is you are stagnant. You’re not moving forward. You are not moving backwards. You are just stuck. You don’t know what you’re gonna do. The lion is attacking you and you are just staying there frozen. Well, I promise you that if you don’t do anything, the lion most likely is going to do something to you because life goes on, it changes it never.

Ever stays the same. Have you ever heard that expression? You’re waiting for the LA the next shoe to drop. What does that mean? You know, I talked to a therapist once about this and I said, you know, my life right now feels so good. Feels so amazing. I don’t know. Why I have this constant little feeling thought in my brain that something bad’s gonna happen.

And what he said to me was Dr. Mark, God rest, his soul unfortunately died of cancer. But what he said to me is Doreen, that’s the way you’re supposed to feel. And I said, but wait a second, mark, why am I gonna feel. Why do I have to feel so anxious about that? He be, he said, because you’re, you know, as the human that you are and the life that you’ve lived up to now that there are good days and bad days that when things are going well, something bad.

Unfortunately, it’s the world we live in. It’s the universe that we are. And it’s the humans that we. Will happen. And so it anticipates that now if you’re dwelling on it day by day, and that’s a different issue, but I’m just talking about when you feel good about things, you’re like, wait a second. And that’s because of that 50, 50 good and bad.

Another thing that I’ll tell you is that my daughter, one of my daughters, my youngest daughter, Samantha, you know, she knows that she needs to keep busy. She needs to move forward that when she’s stagnant, she’s frozen, she’s not moving forward. Something’s off. She gets that. And so she’ll say to me, mom, I wanna go get a job, even though she’s in college and I’ll say, well, that’s great, but you know, don’t overdo it.

You have your studies, et cetera. I want to keep busy. I want to keep moving. So she gets it. So the question I want you, my friend to ask yourself is where are you frozen in your life? What decisions are you thinking about that you’re taking no action on to get to the next chapter of your most amazing life?

You gotta be honest with yourself and what will happen is you will come up because this is how our brains are wired with all kinds of reasons. That sounds super good as to why you’re not taking. Why you’re not moving forward or giving up on a particular thought idea or goal, and the reasons will be something like, well, I need time to adjust after the divorce or let me see how things go over the next couple months with this new job that I really don’t like before I make a decision to leave, or maybe I wanna sell the house, but let’s see how things go with the market.

Even though I really like this other area because of X, Y, Z. So your brain will come up with all kinds of excuses to keep you frozen. And what I’m asking you to do is just be aware of that because when you do not move forward or make a decision not to move forward, you end up in frozen land. Some people are there for a day, a month or years.

Those are the people that, you know, that complain about their life, maybe to you or to others, but seem to do nothing about it. That’s the first thing I want you to really sit down and have a good conversation with yourself. Now, the next thing I want you to think about is about failure. Many people think, well, I don’t wanna go ahead and fight for whatever the goal is because I could fail.

And that is going back to. This is an excuse, but let me ask you a question. Isn’t the worst situation of what it could have been if you would’ve taken the risk and you didn’t take it, but you could have been all these things that you wanted for yourself. Isn’t that worse? Isn’t that being in what I call frozen land frozen.

Right now, the next concept that I wanna teach to you is failing forward. When you have a goal for yourself to make your life better, to go back to school or try a new job or move to a new area or start a new exercise program or whatever, it might be open a new business. Right. You, my friend are going to fail my team at my law firm laughs at me because when we try something new and it doesn’t work recently, we tried a new software program, tried it out for a month, thought it was gonna be amazing and it just failed miserably.

And they’re like, oh, this is so disappointing. We thought this would be so great. I said, no, this is amazing. And they were looking at me like I have three heads and I said, and they’re like, why? And I said, because now we know that one is no good. Put it over the side and let’s try something new. Let’s try a different program.

So be aware of that when you are striving for things in your life and especially hard things, you will fail, but that only means that that didn’t work. And so you’re that much closer to trying something new. To get to your goal. You’re not gonna give up. Right? Promise me. You’re gonna try and keep trying any entrepreneur, any business person, any I’ll take my kids, athletes.

They fail, but they get back up. They dust themselves off and they keep going. So. That’s the fight mode. When you try something and keep fighting for it and going for it and you get back up and you keep going. What is the running away, the flight mode and Doreen you’re saying to me, make a decision. Well, what if I decide not to move forward with a goal?

Good for you. You’ve made a decision move forward with the thought that you’re not gonna go for it. Put it aside, go into the flight mode on it and move forward to something else. Look, you only have so many hours in a day, you only have so much ability to do things right. And so use it. As best as you can, but staying paralyzed in frozen land is not going to get you anywhere.

I wanna go back to indecision again, and most indecision comes from fear. Do you know what fear stands for? False evidence appearing. You’ve already prejudged, the failure. You have fear, and that’s why many of you stay stuck without making a decision. And let me just remind you one more time. That there is no perfect life.

It might be perfect for the moment, but then life is constantly changing. It’s just the way it is. When Dave was talking about it, he used the example of a banana and he says, you know, it gets to that perfect yellow. It’s sweet. It’s ready to be eaten, but it doesn’t stay that way. If you don’t eat it, then.

Probably the next day it starts to go brown. Right. So I thought it was a good way of thinking about it. So what I would like for you to consider this week is where are you frozen? What decisions do you need to make to fight for your goal or to abandon it and move on to something else? Remember, indecision is not your.

Frozen land is not the place you, my friend want to be, especially when you’re working on the next chapter of your amazing life after divorce. And until next time, have an amazing rest of the day. And remember, yes, you can buy everybody. Thanks so much for listening for tips, updates, and expert advice. Be sure to visit your amazing divorce.com.

And remember my friends. Yes, you can have an amazing life after divorce. See you there. Views expressed by the participants of this program are their own and do not represent the views of nor are they endorsed by YFA family law group or your divorce law center, their respective officers, directors, employees, agents, or representatives.

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