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Ep. 35 – Focus on Your Focus

In divorce, there are a lot of things going on that take our focus away from what is important.

Realizing when you are wasting your time on things that do not serve you is key. In this episode I explore my own personal issues staying focused, the choices we make, and why it is important to work on being aware so we can achieve what we want after divorce and for our future.


Hello, my beautiful friends. How are you today? So I know you’re healing, recreating yourself and setting your goals after divorce, or maybe you’re in the middle of divorce. And you’re trying your best to get on with your life today. I wanna focus on focus. I wanna focus on whether you permit yourself to be distracted or whether you stay true to what you want to do and accomplish in your life.

So my friends. My friend let’s get started before we get started today, I have a favor to ask you most of you know, that I’m a family lawyer. In Florida in Bo Raton practicing now over 28 years. And that I am also a certified life coach. Now, why am I doing this podcast? I do this podcast to give back because in my many years of practicing family law, I became spiritually connected to.

Many of my clients who I’m there to do a great job for them as a lawyer, but I also consider myself. A counselor. I think that’s why we’re called counselors of law, but trying to help them to get on with their life. So I’m one of those lawyers that will go in the courtroom and be, you know, aligned in the courtroom.

But I also have great sympathy for the challenges that my clients are going through. I went through my own divorce and I tell my story and I believe it’s my first episode. But, you know, my parents divorced when I was five, I went through my own divorce. I’m remarried now for 12 years to my husband, Jeff, I have a stepson.

I have three children on my own, so I get it as they say, been there, done that. So I do this podcast. I don’t get anything out of this monetarily. Maybe some of you wanna come visit me as a lawyer. If you’re here in Florida, happy to talk to you and represent you or have somebody in my team represent you.

But I do this because it feels good that I do this because it’s what I wanna do to help women to get to the next part and chapter of their amazing life. So I’m asking you to do me a favor. If you could, please, if you have just a moment, give me a five star review. If it’s in you, if you wanna write a review, that would be even better.

I want others to know about this podcast and to see if it can help them and the way in which we can do that is to get my ranking up there. And so if you have a moment, it would be so very appreciated. Okay, let’s get on to the subject today about focusing on your focus. And I love this episode because it came to me while I was doing yoga.

So I wanna set the stage for you. on what was happening. So I belong to a club here called the Boca Raton. It used to be previously called the Boca resort, the Boca Raton resort and club. And it’s being right now, reconstructed, meaning they’ve come in. Um, somebody has purchased it and they’re in the middle of doing all these improvements.

It needed. Um, so I was at yoga now. This yoga was Tuesday night and it was at seven o’clock at. Now I’m in Florida. So it’s beautiful out. I think the weather was probably in the low seventies at that time, it was 7:00 PM, like I said, and it’s candlelight yoga. So they have the yoga set out on a lawn by one of their beautiful buildings.

And there’s this little area. They used a different area this time because of construction, but. It’s uh, on the grass and the stars are shining. The atmosphere is beautiful. The music is going. The teacher’s name is Monica. She’s amazing. So I get there just on time. And the first thing is they don’t have a map for me.

Now, when you sign up for yoga at the Boca Raton, you have to, for this particular one candlelight yoga, you have to sign up for. Because it has a limited amount of, of availability. And I did. that there was no mat. Okay. So that was the first little stumbling B block. I was there focused on trying to get into a really good state of yoga.

I use yoga also to meditate. I find it very, very, very healing and helpful in so many ways. So I was like, okay. So I took a towel and I put it down on the grass and then Monica went to her car. I got a yoga mat. Okay, fine. Everything’s going well, we’re in the middle of, uh, doing yoga and getting into our poses.

The music’s going Monica’s voice is ever so calming. And there are these construction guys, if you can imagine it, there’s like little walkway over to the side and it goes right past where we’re. Doing our yoga and these construction people are coming by and they’ve got, um, this big pulley and on the pulley are these like cylinders, these metal cylinders, and they’re stacked up.

And as they’re going by, and it takes three men to push this pulley, it’s on like a cobblestone. So it’s very, very noisy and it’s clanking. And when they get to the other side, then when they get. Us now, it sounds like they’re throwing these cylinder, um, these cylinders onto some kind of a truck or something, and it’s like clinging cl and it’s very, very loud.

Now what I notice because I’m sitting in the, or I’m doing my yoga in the back is first. I notice that I’m getting aggravated. Why is this happening? Why can’t they stop the construction earlier? Why are they having it here? Meaning why did they decide to have yoga here and not somewhere else? There’s other places they could have yoga.

And my brain starts to go there at the same time that I’m thinking this I’m in a yoga pose. So I’m in yoga. It’s really good. I’m getting a great stretch. I’m in a great meditation state. Now my thoughts are taking over about aggravation. I look up and I see other people getting aggravated. And Monica says to us, basically, this is here to challenge you to test you.

Be thankful that you can hear the noise. That, and of itself is a gift. The gift of being able to hear. And as I thought about what she was saying, I continued to say to myself, and why I’m talking to you today that we have choices. We have choices to in this circumstance, get upset. Let the noise take me away from my practice.

Or the second choice is to hear the noise. Thank you for letting me hear the noise and to grow and accept the noise and work past it. To go deeper into my yoga, to focus on my breath and to gain control over why I was there. And as I was thinking about this and I made the decision to work past the noise and by the way, They didn’t just come by.

Once they came by at least six times the entire class, we thought they were done, they came back. We thought they were done. They came back. It just kept going. So the testing of our focus on our practice of yoga. Kept happening. And I thought to myself, I am going to make the choice to stay focused, to work past this.

And in spite of this noise, in spite of this, I will dig deeper. I will breathe deeper and I will use it to make me stronger to make my yoga practice stronger. I thought about you. And I thought about the challenges that you are going through. with your divorce, whether you’re in the middle of it or post divorce and all the distractions that you have, you have choices.

My friend, a to spend the time stuck in the poor me. Lots of hate to someone else. Probably your ex, maybe even the court, if they didn’t do so well by you, maybe something like this is so unfair. This is not what I intended. That the divorce has caused all these issues. You can have that choice and you can go there just like the noise was trying to distract me from my yoga practice, or you can stay focused and connected, like in yoga, on the breath to spend your energy, to create the life you want.

Monica, the yoga. Instructor said, and it’s very true. You have a choice and you, my friend have a choice as well. You can see the divorce as a challenge, and you can use it as an opportunity to make you stronger wiser, and to see it as what it is. An opportunity to grow. You’re not going to likely change the fact that there is a divorce, it has happened or it’s happening.

And so you don’t have any. Other possibility, but to dwell in it and to let it be all consuming for you and take you down a road that is just not productive, or you can use it as an opportunity to learn from, to grow from, to get to the next chapter of. The creation of who you are, and this is why I call the podcast, your amazing divorce.

Let’s not forget that. And especially for my new listen. I named the podcast, your amazing divorce because of that, because in my many years of practicing family law, what I saw with my own two eyes is that these women went through the divorce. They cried, they were challenged. They were. Angry. They were upset.

They just were in such a bad place. But when I met them and carried forward with them onto their next life, what I found was they did okay. They got stronger. They learned from the divorce. Divorce is not something that we plan. It’s that noise that I heard when I was practicing yoga. Things not going as we planned.

I hope you look at these distractions, the divorce, and I’m not considering that there aren’t small distractions like noise coming through as we’re practicing yoga. And that divorce is something much bigger, but it is a bump in the road. It’s not what you planned, but I hope you consider it an opportunity.

And maybe even a gift, a gift from the universe from God, whoever your higher being is that you look up to. To work deeper to grow, even when it hurts, even when it upsets you. And basically even when it stinks now, soon, the noise at yoga did disappear, even though they came by many times, they finally finished.

So I promise you that this too. Will eventually be nothing more than a distant memory. You know, that saying this two will pass. I love that saying because isn’t it true. If you look back in your life, when you were upset about something, maybe it was when you were younger and somebody broke your heart and you thought your world was over, or maybe you didn’t get that job.

You. Or you lost that pregnancy that you wanted so much, and it hurt so bad at that time, but you got past it and all these things, although they are hurtful, they become a distant situation, a distant memory. In many cases, you, my friend, get to decide today at this very moment, how you’re going to spend your energy.

are you going to spend it in and be consumed by things you cannot change or are you going to move past it? So when you find yourself being challenged, pissed off, aggravated angry, upset. Sad. I suggest you pause. You breathe. You slow down and you say to yourself, Hey self wait. I will never have this moment.

Again. It is forever gone. How will you choose to spend this moment this hour, this day, today, this week? This month and this year, because you will never get it back. This life you are living today is yours. It is my friend, a blessing, a gift to you. The expression that I also like is this is not a dress rehearsal.

This life of yours. This moment, this day, this week, this month, this year is not a dress rehears. you cannot go back and press replay. So my message to you this week, my friend is if you could work on noticing when you might be focusing on what you want at the moment, this precious time that you have, and the energy of the distractions from things people’s situations that you.

No control over and how you get to make a choice, a choice to go there down that road and be aggravated and spend your time there, or to do your best, to use it, to grow, to work past it and to stay focused on your life and what you want and whom you want to be. Catch yourself this week. Find when you are doing this.

Take a time out and breathe into it and work on spending your day focused on good things on your future, on your goals and not on what will eventually pass and be a distant memory. That’s it. So my friends, I care about you. I want the best for you, and I wish you all great things today. this week, this month, this year, may you stay focused on what you want to achieve and have an amazing day.

Again, if you could leave a review, a five star for me, it would really help me get the word out, give back to the world and have an amazing day. Thank you, my friend.

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