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Ep. 36 – Mediating Conflicts with Hadas Stagman

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Today I speak with attorney, and Florida Supreme Court-appointed mediator, Hadas Stagman, about the mediation process and her thoughts on successfully moving towards conflict resolution.

Transcript

Are you ready to create a life that’s better than ever before? We are Doreen Yaa and Jeff Wilson, and we are here to give you the strategies you need to create the life after divorce that you deserve. And desire as partners, both in marriage and coaching. We use our expertise as well as our own personal experiences to help you make the next chapter of your life the best chapter.

Hi, my friends. How are you today? I hope everybody’s doing well. I have a special surprise for you today. I have a guest with me. Her name is Hadas Stag and she graduated law school in 1995. She’s litigated included in family cases for over 18 years, but now she’s a court mediator and she was. She’s been doing this for eight years now.

She’s also in the executive council of the alternative dispute resolution for the Florida Bar, and she has mediated over 2,500 family law cases. Incredible. Right. So anyhow, welcome, ADA. How are you today? Thank you so much for being here. Well, thank you for having me. I’m, I’m really excited to talk to your people and, and share whatever insights I have, and I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.

Oh, I’m so glad you’re here. So, most of my listeners are people, women who are in the middle of divorce thinking about divorce or post divorce. So they’re in that, that process and, you know, not just here in Florida, but throughout the country. So I thought it was really important as I, you know, cause I love settling cases, I love mediating cases, and you know, I’ve had the honor of having you as a mediator in some of my cases before, and I thought it was important that people understand that’s an option.

For them, and it’s an option for them, not only when they’re in the middle of a divorce, and we know, like in Palm Beach County, you must go to mediation at least before trial. It’s mandated. And I think most courts probably throughout the country require some kind of a mediation. Um, but also if, if someone is having issues post-judgment after the divorce.

Maybe consider going to a mediation before filing, you know, some kind of a modification proceeding or a contempt proceeding is an option as well. So for those out there, hadassa, don’t know what mediation is. Maybe you can educate us on that as a starting point. Absolutely. It’s my favorite topic to talk about.

Yay. It’s so funny that you say that you love mediating. The reason I got into mediations full-time is because, um, I evaluated what I really liked about my job, and I realized. When I was a family law attorney and I realized that my favorite days when I would jump out of bed and be really excited to come to work were the days that I was going to go to mediation and help the party settle the case.

And those were my favorite days to go to work. And it just dawned on me and I said, why don’t I just do that? I mean, this is what I love to do is. Settle cases. Right. And that’s what I, you know, was kind of my, you know, just decided to continue doing what I love every day instead of just, you know, every couple weeks.

Right. Um, so that is how I got into it. So yes, mediation is, um, an amazing. Concept. It is voluntary, which means that nobody’s forcing you to do anything when you’re there. And um, like you said, oftentimes the judges order you to go to mediation. Um, in the beginning of the case before trial, they really want you to try to settle the case.

Right. But the, um, the real. You know, benefits to it are enormous. Um, you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, but if you can settle the case, it’s amazing. You get to control the outcome. Um, when you go to court, nobody ever knows what’s gonna happen, right? Um, even, you know, very seasoned attorneys, uh, I used to always think the more confident I was that I was gonna win.

I probably am gonna lose, you know, like, you just never, ever know what’s gonna happen when you go well and you’re, you’re putting your, your life in essence, your children’s future as well. You know, many of the cases invo involved parenting issues in the hands of a third party. So absolutely the beauty of being able to work together towards a resolution that makes sense for you.

For the family as opposed to letting basically a stranger handle it is, it has to be empowering, you know? Absolutely. Has to be empowering. Yeah, and I. Like you said, when you go in front of the judge you don’t know what’s gonna happen and the judge could rule something that you can’t do and judges make with it and they make bad decisions.

I mean, that’s why in Florida, you know, we have a fourth district court of appeal so that you can take a lower TRIO’S decision and take it up to an appellate court cuz they make mistakes all the time and they. This apply the law. Um, I think we have an amazing judiciary here in Florida, but you know, they’re not perfect.

And, uh, so that as well. I love also that mediation is a confidential setting. It gives the, it gives the parties the, the ability to be able to speak freely without thinking that they’re offering too much or not asking for enough. You know, they can never use it outside of the mediation process. Right.

That information stays private. Absolutely. Yeah, that is, that’s a huge benefit as well. It’s the confidentiality and privacy. And along with that is that nobody else can be in there, so you can’t bring your, um, new, significant other, or Right. Or your mother that’s gonna intimidate. Yeah. I mean, I’ve, I’ve, you know, seeing people bring, you know, 10 friends to court just for emotional support and for intimidation.

Right. So, you know, it’s really literally, Only the parties, their attorneys and financial planners and the media. That’s it. So you can have extra people there listening and giving their input and um, and that’s very, very productive to the process and to settlement because you don’t have. Your ear being, you know, you don’t have somebody in your ear, you know?

Yeah. You know, we, uh, so I wanna tell the, the listeners my personal journey, cuz I, I like to talk and give them examples. So when I, you know, when I. Actually, you know what? Today is the anniversary of my divorce. April 1st. It’s April 1st as we record this. And I just realized, because I remember when I went to court, my hu my ex-husband Sam, who is my, you know, very good friend of mine.

Um, when we went to court for the final hearing, cuz we had settled the case through mediation, um, the, my, my ex-husband turned to me and said, I don’t wanna get divorced. And then he said, April flu. Schools day, so I’ll never forget it, but I was like, what? Um, but anyhow, um, so we had been in, we, um, had gone the traditional route.

I hired a lawyer and yes, what is the expression? A lawyer who represents himself. It has a fool for a client. So yes, I hired a lawyer in my divorce case, and then my, um, husband at the time, Sam hired a lawyer and it really became the battle of the two lawyers. I think that Sam and I were definitely scared, and so we hired lawyers because you’re emotional and especially practicing family law.

I felt like I needed that, um, clarity from somebody else that I wasn’t able to give, you know, to think that way. And, um, it became this battle, uh, of the lawyers, and I’m not gonna mention their names, but their, their litigators. And you’re, you’re, um, Your ex-husband’s also an attorney, so that’s awesome. Yes, yes.

Yeah, good point. So I remember, I’m on my way to school one morning. It was a Monday morning. I’ve got all the kids in tow. I’m dropping off, you know, I’m getting ready to go up to my office, and I got back into my car and I started to get what I, what I explained is Ajk, you know what ADA is, right? Your stomach is like, ah.

And I thought, Oh my gosh. When I go to the office and I open my emails, I’m sure there’s gonna be all these back and forth, you know, filings and correspondences between our lawyers. And I called Sam and I said, I don’t wanna do this anymore. We need to settle our case. This is not complicated. Okay? We have three kids.

We have, uh, a law practice. We both are lawyers. We can figure this out. And I said, let’s go to mediation. And he said yes. And so we both told our lawyers to stay at bay, not to come to mediation. And we both had a convers Oh, we went without your attorneys. Okay. We left our attorneys at home, and I would not necessarily recommend this for anyone who obviously talk to your lawyers, get your lawyers’ advice.

This was my decision with my ex-husband for our case. Okay. So we, and you had to both attorneys, so that definitely makes difference. Yeah. So much. Different. So we kind of know the law, so I wouldn’t recommend it necessarily for anybody, but for us, we left our lawyers at home, our accountants at home, and we went, um, with, uh, you’ll know who it was.

Robert Shehu. Yeah. Great. Uh, great lawyer, great mediator. And we sat there for about 10 hours in his office, literally 10 hours. And we signed an agreement. It wasn’t easy, but we got through it. That night when we left, after we had that sign sealed and delivered agreement, him and I went to dinner. My ex and I, we were starving.

Of course. You know? Right, right. And so we, we went to dinner and you know, we just, it started the beginning of healing our relationship. The mediation process was that roadmap and because we were able to get together with the mediator and settle. We actually, I think, opened the door to having a relationship that we have today.

Right. I really honestly believe that, you know? Yeah. I, I, yeah, I believe that as well. I mean, you hit on another really important point is, um, mediation’s informal, right? And what that means is you’re more like sitting, you know, it’s your, it’s your husband. I mean, you have a history, you’re sitting across in them.

You’re not. In court with these formal rules. And you can’t say that. And there’s an objection and you, you know, you have to say, Mr. And Mrs. It’s, you know, it’s very, you know, you dress your husband by his Mr, you know, last name. It’s like, right. Weird. Um, so, you know, it really is very informal and you really are talking like you’re at the kitchen table, um, about.

Your kids like, yes. You know? Cause that’s the most important thing. So that is really huge. And um, I always tell people that my favorite part about mediation is, um, you get to be creative and you get to tailor fit an agreement to their exact specific needs. So I think those are the two most important for me.

Um, the two most important things is we. Go through mediation, looking at what’s most important for each person, and then we make it specifically tailored to what’s gonna work for this family. Well. And what I love, what I love also is that the courts can’t do that. They have to work within the, the con constraints of the law.

The legal authority. And that’s how they have to rule where when you’re in mediation, you can be creative, you can do things that the judge could never do. Right. And um, yeah. And the, and they don’t have time. And the reality is they don’t have the time. True. I True. What judge is gonna sit there for 10 hours and listen, you know, I mean, exactly.

Try to, you know, Talk about your kids for three hours. You know, it’s just, they just don’t have the same amount of time. No, they don’t. They don’t listen to all the nuances. So that is, yeah. That’s a great, yeah. Great. You know, um, one of the things I really enjoy about you as a mediator is that you do have, at least from my perspective as a life coach, um, you have a very holistic.

Approach as well to your mediation style. Not all mediators are like that, you know, I like that you really try to understand emotions. I know you’re not a, the, a licensed therapist, but you have been, you’ve done this so many times, over 2,500 cases. I mean, you have experience and you’re able to tap into the emotions of the parties and bring them closer.

One of your blogs, it was, I think it was entitled, something like Three Little Wor Words. Three Little Words to Settle. Can you tell the listeners about that, what you meant by that? Yes. Well, the three little words are, I am sorry. Um, and that, um, came up and this, this happens a lot, but in this particular case, um, the husband and wife were, were both very frustrated and angry and there was a lot of emotions going on.

Um, and they had been litigating for a very long time and spent a lot, a lot of money on attorney fees and, um, They came to mediation and continued fighting and it went something like, you know, well let’s put the kids aside. Let’s talk about the assets. Um, I’m gonna keep my car, which is very simple, you know, standard.

And then her remark was something like, Did you have sex in that car with your girlfriend? You know, kinda thing. Right? So it, it was like everything went back to that infidelity issue and obviously you can’t miss it. And, um, clearly that’s what she was hung up on and she couldn’t, um, get over it to even start the negotiations cuz there was nothing, um, it, it just couldn’t.

You know, we couldn’t talk, we couldn’t get through the car issue because it was just, you know, everything was so upsetting to her. So at, at some point she got up and went to the bathroom and I asked, um, you know, the husband, you know, do you really want this to be over? And he said, yes, more than anything in the world.

And I said, well, have you ever apologized? Have you ever said, I’m sorry, because. Of the infidelity, and he’s like, no, well it was her fault, you know, blah, blah, blah. And he’s blaming her. And I said, well, you know, there’s really two options right now. This case is most likely going to impasse and you’re gonna continue spending lots and lots of money.

Hundred. Maybe hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees. Absolutely. Yeah. Um, and it’s, it’s a lot of money. Or you can try apologizing for the first time and, you know, and see if that changes the dynamics of the conversation. And she’s like, that’s ridiculous. And she came back and, um, again, she brought up the infidelity within 30 seconds and then he actually apologized.

He looked, he looked her in the eye and he said, You know, I’m really sorry I never apologized to you and I’m really sorry. And it was crazy. Her whole face went from this like anger face to like all sudden she.

And, and then we started talking and everything was okay. You know, like we worked things out and she was no longer really angry. Um, no, I think it’s an important lesson not only in mediation, but just when you’re dealing with the, the people stemming from your divorce. You know, sometimes, and I, I’m sorry, can help to heal can start to, you know, first of all, I think you mentioned in your blog it’s a, it’s a great way if you are a person that wronged somebody like this gentleman or, or a man.

He obviously had cheated on his wife, and I’m assuming that was part of the reasons for the divorce because, I think that there’s never one reason, right? Mm-hmm. I mean, yes, you have infidelity and then there’s the cheating. And that might be the needle, you know, that broke the, the, that, um, that, what do they call it, that broke the camel’s back, right?

But there was probably a lot of issues going on before that, right? And so sometimes saying, I’m sorry, can help to heal the parties, but also lift that. Guilt that you might feel, you know, right. And help you to get to that place of healing. Did you ultimately settle the case? Yeah, the case was settled. Wow, good.

And yeah, and, and, uh, you know, they were both really happy at the end. At the end it was, it was a very positive experience. Uh, they were both happy to start. Healing and moving forward in their, um, new lives. And it was, it was a really good, uh, outcome and that was all that was needed was, you know, and I’m sorry.

Yeah. So when you’re in the mediation process, I mean, are you drafting an agreement generally? Is that what happens? It depends. If it’s, if it’s pro se, if the people don’t have attorneys, I will draft the attorney the agreement. Um, if they have attorneys, usually the attorneys like to draft the agreement.

And is that a typical in most mediations, that, that, that, um, they leave with a settlement agreement if they, uh, an actual signed agreement? If they settle it. Well, what happens in the pro se is that um, they agree to all the terms and then I, I don’t draft it right then and there cuz it’s just too, there’s too much, you know, to, to draft.

Right. So I’ll, I get it to them in about a week. Oh, okay. But once they settle all the terms, um, I’ve never had anybody, um, You know, change their mind afterwards. Oh, that’s fantastic. Yeah. So, and, and I do tell them, you know, I don’t, I’m not holding a gun up to their head. I want them to be comfortable with this and, um, and go have an attorney review it.

Absolutely. If they don’t have attorney. So I say, you know, please go have an attorney, review it and make sure that I. You know, haven’t left anything on the table that you should have taken, you know? Right. You know, I was thinking about our listeners out there, and I’m thinking if they’re in the middle of a divorce or they’re having some post-judgment issues, they might want to proactively seek out mediation.

You know, in other words, don’t wait for your lawyer necessarily to tell you it’s time to go. Know that that’s an option for you, and you can go to mediation at any time. You know, as long as the parties are both in agreement, you can go whenever you want to mediation. So that’s a great point. Yeah. Um, people come back to medi, come to mediation all the time, even to just recalculate child support.

If one person’s income is changed, uh, they’ll call me and they’ll say, Hey, we just need to recalculate child support. It’s really simple. It’s a formula in Florida. So, um, you know, we just do that. Sometimes their, the children get older and the time sharing changes, right. Cause they’re extracurricular activities.

So they just come to mediation just to have everything. And it’s always a good idea to have everything done legally, not just word of mouth. Okay, well let’s just change the schedule and, and continue working in this new schedule. Because at any time the other person can say, Nope, wanna go back to the old schedule.

And then you’re, you know, that doesn’t work anymore for you. Right. So they don’t have to necessarily jump into calling their lawyer. They can. Look at the option of going to mediation post-judgment to make some changes. Because you’re right, things do change. I know in my own divorce we had a, we had the old time cheering schedule, which was like every other weekend he would have the kids and then a Wednesday and, and they, a couple other days he got during the month.

But the children actually, as they got older, because there was so much back and forth and they were so active with sports and schlepping all their stuff all the time, they asked us if they could do week on. Week off. They wanted to spend one week be and be in one home and then go to the next home. And I see that as a common practice.

Um, or thought with the older kids, you know, that they, they wanna, it’s different time sharing schedule than the younger. You know, so go to mediation if you have questions with your parenting plan or your custody arrangement, and you, you wanna see about resolving them, but I agree with you, you must get it in writing.

Don’t just acknowledge in, you know, Hey, let’s agree. It’s very safe practice to have an actual agreement. One of your other blobs I love, it’s, um, it was an, what was an entitled, it’s like, um, hurricane of Divorce. Going through divorce is like going through a hurricane. I love that blog that you did because, and anybody, we’re gonna give you Haas’s website information you should go on.

She’s got some great materials as far as blogs, but could you explain it because it, it’s right into why I have this podcast It and why it’s called Your Amazing Divorce is because people get through it. They’re in the middle of it. It’s horrible. It’s. You know, the, one of the worst experiences. But then looking back a year later, six months later, they’re like, oh, and they usually get to an amazing place.

So yes. Tell us about the blog. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I absolutely, yes. I, I came up with this theory and then I did some research and there are other people that talk about it, but I, I felt like when people come to me, they’re just in such a bad, bad, Place. Um, they never expected this to happen. You know, they’re just very, very scared.

Um, and, and very, um, nervous and, and just have so many fears, um, at the time. And that’s kind of like, you know, when we’re in a hurricane, we don’t know what’s gonna happen. We’re scared. But, um, and, and it’s, it’s very interesting because when I see people in mediation, I like you, um, see them divorced.

They’re, they’re not in a good place. They’re in a very, very bad place. And oftentimes, Because I’m in the community, I’ll bump into them at the grocery store, at at the mall or whatever, six months a year later, and. A lot of times I don’t even recognize them because they look different. So different. Yes.

They’re they used to, they their whole face is different. Yes. Relaxed, lost weight. They, yes. Gained weight. They, you know, they, they take, they’re taking care of themselves. They come into mediation and they, you know, sometimes they look like they’re homeless, you know, they’re just so, yes. You know, distraught.

So, and, and then I talk to them, of course, and I say, how are you? And. I’m telling you, 99% of the time they’re in such a good place. Even though people that didn’t want the divorce, they’re like, I didn’t even want the divorce. I didn’t realize I was unhappy until. I got divorced and now I realize how unhappy I was.

Right. So it’s really, yeah. And then, and then afterwards when they’re, when they’re in their new life, they’re working on themselves, they’re getting, you know, getting self-help and they’re, they’re in a great place. So that’s kind of what the analogy is. And, and I sometimes tell people that, and I think it just helps them, um, you know, conceptualize it that, okay, this is gonna pass because hurricanes always pass.

Right. You know, we don’t, we don’t stay stuck in a hurricane Exactly. Living here in South Florida, you know, we describe it as we know it’s coming. We prepare for it, kind of like they know, they, they know the divorce is coming or maybe they got served with it. They prepare for the divorce. They go through that horrible time, like the storm comes and it, it, depending on the level of the storm, the category, it’s, it’s, You know, it can be quite frightening and things are all over the pace and the wind’s going and, and all that.

And then isn’t it amazing, like after the hurricane, and I’m sure you’ve experienced them as well, there’s this calm, it’s almost a little bit eerie. There’s this calm that comes over and then the sun comes out, like it never occurred. So I just thought it was a beautiful, beautiful analogy to what these, what our listeners are going through, right?

Yeah. Yeah. And then it does get better. I mean, it really, really does. And I’ve seen it so many times and it, it’s just, it’s just remarkable. Um, the human will and the people’s, you know, ability to handle difficult times in their life and really come out better and stronger. And it’s, it’s crazy how. How often I’ve seen it that, you know, it just is, it’s very, very rewarding to see that that’s what happens after they leave me and they, it’s um, it’s move on.

It’s always, it’s also curious what you said about that. Sometimes you run into people and they, they’re in a better place. The person maybe never want, that was the person that didn’t want the divorce, because I think that human nature, Is that if your husband, for example, files for a divorce, and let’s say it came outta nowhere, you didn’t know.

You didn’t expect it. Your immediate reaction as the humans that we are is, oh no, I have to stop this. This is not the way I planned it to be. This doesn’t feel right. I can’t be single. What does that future look like? And they hold onto it. They want to stay married when they probably should take a little bit of what I call timeout and really think about.

Are they really happy? Should this divorce be happening? Why are we here? You know, instead of resisting necessarily against it, of course, be sad. The other thing that you mentioned was about therapists and life coaches helping you through. I mean, I tell people all the time as a life coach, get, get resources, use your resources because this is a tough time.

Right, right. Yeah. Um, just to. Go, go back for a minute. I, yeah. I also, I think I wrote a blog also about the fact that about 30% of the people that I see, one person does not want the divorce. And it really, really is interesting that one person is saying, you know, let’s go to marriage counseling. And the other one is like, how quickly can this happen?

Right. You know, so how could, how quickly can we be divorced? Right? Yes. So it’s very, very interesting that there are totally different, you know, Places in the spectrum and it’s very interesting that, you know, they need to get to the same place and, and sometimes it is hard to do that. But yes, I do always, always direct them to, um, mental health professionals, um, to therapists and divorce coaches, and.

Particularly people that specialize in this area. Right. You can’t just go to anybody, you know? No, everybody’s, it’s just like a doctor. You’re not gonna go to a, a, a foot doctor to go get your heart examined, you know? You need to get a specialist. Right. You know, and it’s, it’s important to have somebody who really knows this area and that, you know, and they are divorced life coaches and they’re, you know, divorced, um, therapists.

So it, it’s a, it’s a whole. You know, animal in itself is really, yeah, and, and I have to tell you, and you probably remember this when you were litigating as well, when you have someone who. Is, you know, we have different levels of how we handle the divorce emotionally, and, and we have clients. I mean, I can tell you out of the clients that I’m representing right now, some are very together.

They, they are hurting and they’re sad and they’re dealing with it, but they’re able to help me. They’re able to do what we need them to do and produce the documents and be, have a coherent conversation and be realistic. I have others that are in such an emotional state. If I tell you they can’t even send me the documents that I need to produce to the other side.

Mm-hmm. Yep. So I tell them, please go get help with the therapist. Yes, I’m a counselor, but I’m a counselor at law. I’m not a counselor for therapy. Yes, I’m a life coach, but I don’t deal, I deal with helping people move forward in a, in a faster way and to use skills towards that. But they, when I have a therapist on board helping me to help my client, it makes my life easier.

And like you said, they, the parties need to come together and they need to come together to settle in a mediation. Um, and that’s gonna take some work emotionally at times. Right. And that’s, and that’s really when the healing begins. Because the truth of the matter is when you’re litigating and when you’re fighting, you’re just in war mode.

You’re not, yes, you’re not healing. You’re just trying to get the most you can get and you’re trying to fight. And so really, in order to really begin the healing and moving on and starting the new chapter in your life, you have to, um, You have to be done with the case. You have to finish the case. And obviously you could do it through court litigation, which takes a lot longer.

Or you can do it in mediation, which obviously is my preference that people have. Well resolve it in in an amicable, non-adversarial. And when you think about it, if we look at the statistics, you know, what did we say in Florida? Only? You know, like 3% of the cases ever go to trial, five to 3%. So why not try to get to the mediation process sooner than later to start the healing, to stop the bleeding with regard to the fees your kids would appreciate it to be over with, I promise you.

So. But it, it’s a give and take. You know, you’ve got to, you’ve got to be flexible. You’ve got to be willing to give a little bit and, and then take a little bit. They have that expression hadas that nobody leaves the mediation feeling that they won too much or didn’t get enough. You know what I’m saying?

It’s like this, Hey, Yeah, I tell people that as well. I say in my, in my opening, I say, um, nobody’s gonna walk out with their best day in court. Nobody’s going walk out with their worst day in court and. If you wanna get this settled, we can settle this. As long as both sides are flexible, I’m willing to let go of some of the stuff that you’re holding onto.

Cause you’re, you can’t get everything. No, and that’s just, I, I say that’s in every negotiation. You know, you, you’re not gonna be able to get everything you want in any negotiation. So, um, but this is a big one. This is an important negotiation. You really should. Try your hardest is to settle. Well, I tell people when I’m litigating, um, and then we go to mediation.

I ask them and we look at the numbers because we know more or less what’s gonna happen in a courtroom. We do. Mm-hmm. You know, it’s, it’s within this area. Here’s what you’re gonna get in alimony, child support. Here’s what more or less a time sharing’s gonna look like. Here’s the assets. I mean, it’s really not that challenging, but, um, what I tell people is, I know you’re holding on to this extra amount you want.

Okay, and I get that and we’ll fight for that. However, I want you to put a price. Literal price in the equation. A number on if you’re gonna be in this litigation for another six months or even a year, what is that price to you worth? Can I make them, give me a number. Okay. A number that makes sense. And I’m, and not to mention the fees and costs.

So that’s a, that’s a, a, a number for your emotional wellbeing. Absolutely. And a number for your, you know, anxiety, stress, sleepless nights and missed. Time from work and the kids, right, because the kids are in the middle. Believe me, the kids want it over with, I promise you. Yeah. They know more than than we want them to know.

They just know. They know because like you said, mom doesn’t look right. She’s emotionally stressed and I can see it, you know? They just know. Anyhow, any advice to our clients? Anything last things you wanna talk about about the mediation process and what they might wanna consider? Well, I, what I tell people in mediation also is, um, to always put their kids first.

You know, when you’re there, um, you know, a lot of times, like the parents are thinking about themselves and I wanna be with my kid every Christmas, and I should have the kid every Christmas. But is that really in the kid’s best interest? That right. They never get to be with the other parent on Christmas.

So, um, you know, really, really, Have a visual picture of your child, you know, in a happy place. And just keep that in mind throughout the mediation that that is really, really important. And that’s what you’re really there for is to finish this so you can move on with your life. And, um, and, and. Make it a better place for your child because being in limbo is not good for anybody.

Not you or the child. No, no. Yeah. And then the other thing, one more thing is that I like to, um, tell people is that, um, it’s really important to maintain your integrity because. You know, you’re in a bad place. Just like, you know, I, I again equate it with the hurricane when you’re, you would never sit there and, you know, cut somebody off in line during a normal time or, or go grab, you know, the last water bottle and, you know, yes.

And leave everybody else, you know, staring at you. You, you know, you gotta do the right thing. And it’s, you know, it’s important, especially when you’re in this place. You want, you’re angry, you’re frustrated, you’re upset, but just. Make sure you’re living your life with integrity. Mm-hmm. And you’re not doing something that when your kids are older, they’re gonna be embarrassed about, um, the way you treated their parent, you know, the other parent or, you know, hiding assets or, you know, doing things that are not.

Really, you know, honest. Yes. And you know, you have to sleep at night and you have to really, you know, and that you, you have to be able to look your kids in the eye and say, I was the right, you know, I did the right thing. And I, and I, and I lived my life with integrity. And I think that that’s always really, really important.

And sometimes when you’re in a frantic place, you lose sight of that. Yes, yes. The emotions take over. Well, listen, that is amazing advice. Now, I know that you mediate throughout the entire state of Florida because everything still is by Zoom. Right? You’re doing this right? Right. So you can mediate. I love it.

We can mediate anywhere so you can, you don’t handle any mediation for out of the state. Florida? No. Cause I don’t know the laws in different states, so I, I don’t feel comfortable. I need to stay, you know, within Florida. So for our listeners in Florida that wanna reach out to you, look at your amazing blogs, or somebody maybe from out of the state who needs a referral for a mediator.

Mm-hmm. I’m sure you’re hel you have lots of resources in that way. How do they reach you? What’s the best way for them to reach you? My phone number is five six one three seven six. 6, 6 0 1 or my website. Um, please check out my website. Uh, it’s sf like South Florida, divorce mediations with an s.com.

Perfect. Well, listen, I thank you so much. Um, I know we had a little technical difficulty and I do apologize getting on the Zoom today, but I really appreciate it. Um, for all the listeners, reach out to Hadash. She’s there, she’s really skilled at this and she’ll give you some great advice. Um, she’ll sure she’ll explain more about the mediation process if you’re considering it.

And listen, everybody, I want you to take care of yourself, love yourself, and have a most amazing week. I’ll speak to you next week. Bye.

You have the vision of what you want your life to look like after divorce, but maybe you just don’t know how to get there. So if you’re ready to take control of your life and want to find out more about our coaching, visit [email protected]. That’s l a d as in life after divorce dash. coaching.com.

Until next time, have an amazing rest of your day. And remember, yes, you can have an amazing life after.

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