Ep. 58 – Accomplishments

Doreen: [00:00:00] Hey, my beautiful friends and how are you? Today we’re gonna talk about positive self-Talk about feeling good about what you’ve done, the things you already have gone through. As an example, your divorce, or maybe you’re still in the middle of it, but most of us we’re so down on ourselves. You know, we feel that we’re not worthy and we feel that we always have to do more.

So if you are ready, let’s get started.

Are you ready to create a life that’s better than ever before? We are Doreen Yaha and Jeff Wilson, and we are here to give you the strategies you need to create the life after divorce that you deserve. And desire as partners, both in marriage and coaching. We use our [00:01:00] expertise as well as our own personal experiences to help you make the next chapter of your life the best chapter.

So here we go. We’re gonna talk today about feeling good and about really like positive self-talk and about. Honoring, recognizing and being proud of what you’ve already accomplished and what you’re gonna accomplish in the future. So I’m here with Jeff, my co-host. Hello there. How are you? Hi. My partner in life and in business we like to say.

Jeff: Yeah, this is a great subject for me cuz I’m, I’m tend to be a beat myself up type of person. Yeah, you

Doreen: are. Yeah, ya are. We’re gonna talk about that today. I do it too. I mean, I think it’s just the way our human brains are put together for whatever [00:02:00] reason, you know, our pr, that primitive part of our brain always looks at what’s wrong with us instead of what’s really good about us.

That’s true. I was working on this yesterday. We went to the dolphin game. Go Dolphins. Go Dolphins. We won yesterday. So being down here in sunny south Florida, we’re kind of dolphin fans, even though I’m still from new, you know, still have my heart from New England. So I still like the Patriots. I don’t hold that against you.

Anyhow, and by the way, did I ever tell you’re really handsome.

Jeff: Uh, you could tell me as many times as you’d like. So

Doreen: funny. Yeah. So today we’re gonna talk about how to be basically proud of yourself, and we’re gonna talk about also what I call positive self-talk. So what have we been up to? Let’s see. We had dinner with our oldest and my son.

And your son? Yes. Spencer. Spencer. That was nice. That was amazing. And then this week we’re gonna go up to Charlotte and we’re gonna go visit with Amanda for her [00:03:00] 25th birthday. Wow. I know 25th birthday. She’s our oldest. And then we’re gonna go see Megan watch her game over at, uh, Spartanburg at Walford College.

So mom and mom’s gonna be with us. My mom. That’s nice. Yeah, it’s funny. I mean, unfortunately, she’s um, I guess, I guess she’s handicapped in a way we could call it because she’s in a wheelchair. She’s got really bad knees and she’s gonna have surgery, um, later this year. On one knee, she’s 80. How old is she now?

84 I believe. Yeah, 84. But, uh, so she’ll be with us and we’ll be doing wheelies in the wheelchair. Yes. All right. So seriously, um, let’s talk about this common thing. You know, we don’t celebrate our own accomplishments like, You know, we’re always telling ourselves and our brains are going to that negative self-talk.

Mm-hmm. Um, but what about positive self-talk? [00:04:00] It’s so. Easy to think of all the things that are wrong, that are wrong with ourselves that we do wrong. All the failures that you know that we have. But what about the good things we do? You know, it’s, it’s easy to compliment somebody else, or maybe it’s not for some people, but you know what I’m saying?

Like we can recognize goodness and greatness in other people, but for some reason we can’t do the same thing to ourselves. Have you ever noticed that?

Jeff: Yes, I have. You know, I’ve, uh, when we first started talking about this subject, we were gonna talk in this episode, I, I definitely realized that, uh, it’s an issue with myself as well, but most people tend to, to live on that aisle.

You know, the aisle that they live on, the someday aisle. Like an island. Yeah. You know, in other words, they’re, they’re, they’re, someday I’ll be happy, you know? Right. I’m, I’m striving to, uh, for happiness versus happily achieving. They’re trying to achieve happiness and it doesn’t work out that way. So the [00:05:00] someday aisle is, they live on this island that they’ll, they’ll someday they’ll be happy as long as, you know, they get this or they get that, and it just doesn’t happen.

So you have to be constantly focused on what you do have and celebrating what you’ve, uh, gone

Doreen: through. Yeah. Well what you’re talking about, and we should do an episode on this, is that we’re, and then we’ll go back to being proud of ourselves, right. Acknowledging things, but mm-hmm. They all kind of tie in together is that life is a balance of 50 50.

So what happens is you end up. Seeking this thing, like for example, I always use weight, right? So if I lose 15 pounds, I’ll be happy. If I get that job, I’ll be happy. Exactly. If I find a new person in my life, I’ll be happy. But the bottom line is those little. What I’m gonna call dopamine hits, like when that scale goes down, yeah, you feel happy at that moment, but something else will happen that day and then, you know, that will take you in a different direction.

Right? So an unhappy [00:06:00] direction. So don’t think like that. You’re always going to find happiness by, if I get this, because life is always gonna be 50 50, right?

Jeff: Right. And one thing that you’ve, uh, taught me recently that I really, uh, love is that there has to be failure to, to get things in life, of course. So it depends on how we look at it.

If you, so if something happens that’s not good in your life, then you realize that’s a part of the plan, that’s a part of the positive, right? So always trying to look at it in a positive way. That’s true.

Doreen: So I was thinking about our, our listeners and my divorce clients, our clients that we life coach, and they’re going through a really difficult time, right?

I think we all acknowledge that divorce and if you look on the Googles, is one of the hardest things for people to, to encounter and get through. Um, second to a, a death of a, of somebody that you love. So, you know, we have to acknowledge that our listeners have. Gone through [00:07:00] this challenging time and we both did it right.

Did we ever say to ourselves, Hey, I got through that. Good job, Doreen, or, good

Jeff: job Jeff. Well, unfortunately I didn’t have a life coach and uh, and I think going through it alone or, or. You know, by yourself and not having that support team, uh, is setting yourself up to make it a little bit harder on yourself, but having somebody to guide you through and let you know that it’s gonna be okay.

That’s so

Doreen: important. Yeah. Well, so what I want our listeners to do is, first of all, if they’ve gone through the divorce, And they’re on the other side. Or even if they’re in the middle of it and they’ve got some of the divorce behind them, they need to give themselves a high five. Right? Okay, so let’s give them a high five right now.

High, high five. Ready? Go high five. 1, 2, 3. Wait, that was bad. Oh, good one. Okay, so gonna give ’em a high five. You gotta give yourself a high five cuz that’s an accomplishment in and of itself. You know, you, you’re getting through it. You’re here [00:08:00] today, you’re listening to this episode, so, I want you to acknowledge that, you know, I see my divorce clients, you know, recently I, I ran, I always ran into them and I, it always amazes me how, and I, and I say this really from my heart, how well they’re doing.

You know what I’m saying? Like, so I ran into this lady, I, um, I won’t say her name, but somebody that, you know, I got her through the divorce and we were more of a business thing. You know, sometimes I become closer to my clients, but very nice lady. Very focused. You know, just a nice, uh, it was a relatively uncomplicated divorce, but she was very emotional.

She didn’t want the divorce, so I ran into her and she has moved. Her kids are doing okay, like she said, that they’re doing really well in school, even though it just started. She’s dating, she, she, you know, she’s dating someone. She said he is really great and she got a promotion at work. And I said, [00:09:00] wow, that’s like such amazing stuff.

And she was like, yeah, you know? And I was like, oh my gosh. You have to celebrate how proud you should be for all these things you’re account accomplished. And when I, when I realized that she really wasn’t acknowledging it and it was truthful, like it was honest, it wasn’t her being like, um, modest or something.

I thought, this is something we need to talk about. So that’s how we came up with the subject. Right, exactly.

Jeff: Good. It’s almost like having a, uh, crystal ball, being able to look into your future, you know, everything is gonna be great. Uh, but right now, you know, you’re focusing on not so great. So if you can sit there and say, listen, I gotta be future mining, knowing in the future that it’s gonna be awesome.

I have to think that way. I have to think that it’s, it’s gonna be

Doreen: great. Well, and I also think it’s part of self care, you know, like, it, it’s part of. When you do this work, when you, when you know, when we have clients, one of the things we do is we have them [00:10:00] acknowledge all of the things that they’ve done in their life that they should be proud of.

And I think it really helps you to turn your mentality from the negative and the focus of how you’re not doing so good or you’re not, you know. I don’t know, not good at whatever to, to the

Jeff: positive. You know what, um, when I was thinking about the subject last night, I was thinking about the, there was a, a fellow martial artist that talked to me about the, uh, the, the looking for gold theory.

When they look for gold, they have to dig through a ton of dirt. I mean a lot of dirt, but they’re not looking for the dirt, they’re looking for the gold, even though they have to go through all this dirt. So it’s the same thing in life. Sometimes we have to look through a lot of bad to find that little bit of

Doreen: good.

Right. True, true. So let’s talk about, um, how our listeners can acknowledge. What they’ve done good and be proud of themselves. You remember Jack Canfield? Yes. The Success Principles. He’s amazing. [00:11:00] Yes. That was a great book. Remember that I, I just saw it the other day at the office and I was remembering that he had you do this exercise where you had to list down all your accomplishments.

Mm-hmm. So see, we didn’t come up with this. No, no. But what’s interesting is all these principles that we teach you as a life coach have really been principles that have been taught other. Through Hundreds. Hundreds of years. Yes. Hundreds of years. Right? But you know, Jack Canfield, if you want a good book, the Success Principles he has, you do this exercise and he has, you start from when you walked, when you learned how to walk.

So what did that be like? Maybe 12 months old to 18 months old, right? You’re learning how to walk and so that was an accomplishment. And then you. Went to elementary school and then you graduated high school and then maybe you had your first job or you were a part of a team. A sports, you know, like into sports or maybe you got an A that these are all accomplishments went to college.

Right? How about like the [00:12:00] accomplishment of your first love? Or for our listeners, their first marriage.

Jeff: Well, you’re my first love,

Doreen: right? So, but I mean, just being married, letting yourself be vulnerable, putting yourself out there, that was something that they should absolutely acknowledge that and breed proud of, right?

Yeah, absolutely. Like to think of it as, um, The marriage is over. Right. But a lot of our listeners, they have kids, they would have never created those children, that child without that person. Right, right. Probably married to that person. And so think about all the good things also. So give me some of your accomplishments.

You have anything to talk about? Well,

Jeff: I, um, I’ve. I’ve survived five back surgeries. That’s a, a good thing. Um, my, my son is, uh, thriving in the music industry right now. I’m [00:13:00] very proud of him. Uh, you know, the, the, the, I don’t think I would be as happy in this marriage if I didn’t get divorce in my last marriage.

So, uh, there’s a, a lot of positive things when I look back, uh, at my, uh, divorce and my, my previous marriage. And, uh, my life today. So you have to focus on the positive.

Doreen: Well, they don’t have to, but they have a choice. Well,

Jeff: I have to focus on the positive, right? That’s the choice I’ve made for myself.

Doreen: Right?

But what I’m also saying is that you have the, the thought. And you can either think positive or you can choose to think negative thoughts are optional, right? Yes. And they’re your choice, right? So you can look at, you know, yourself in the mirror and you can say, Hey, I look fat. Or you can look at yourself in the mirror and you can say, you know what?

I have really nice hair. Like you can always find something positive, right? Just an example, [00:14:00] I was thinking about myself, you know, like. My mom was a single mom. Think about all the things I’ve accomplished. I’ve worked since I was 14. I put myself through school. I put myself through law school. Um, I landed my first job as a lawyer.

Nobody, you know, my parents didn’t have the ability to, to pay for any schooling or anything. I had got married to Sam. We had three girls. You know, I ran a practice. I’m still running a law practice. I got divorced, you know, all these things. I became a coach. So a lot of the things that I’ve done in my life that when I did this exercise and wrote down all my accomplishments, um, were at the time, like negatives, for example.

Working at 14. Some people might see that as a negative. I did it because I really needed the money and my mom was a single mom and didn’t have anything. Right. So I started working by, you know what mucking stalls is? No, I don’t. You know, so I was in the horse bus [00:15:00] horse world. Yeah. Cleaning up the stalls, you know, at 14.

And they used to, at that time, pay me under the table cuz I wasn’t old enough. Right. And then from there, I just kept going and. Being, you know, not having a dad like my dad was absent from my life. And a lot of people see that as a negative. I see all of these negative things that I went through, or challenges or difficulties as being accomplishments, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Well, I have a

Jeff: question. You have a question? I have a question. At hindsight. Mm-hmm. Some people say being in that, uh, armchair quarterback they call it, where you sit back and say, this was all great and I did this and I did that. But at the moment, at that time, when you’re going through it, some people tend to go to the negative and say, whoa was me and have that p p p, you know, the p p p?

No. It’s the personal pity party. Right, right. Okay. And so how do you overcome that? How do you, at the moment that it’s happening to you? How do you stay focused on the positive? It’s,

Doreen: it’s what we [00:16:00] do. It’s the model. It’s the model, right? Mm-hmm. So what is the

Jeff: model? Well, you have the circumstance that you’re going through.

That’s a fact. You’re going through it, and then you have a thought about it, which leads to your feelings. And the feelings lead to your actions. And those actions lead to your

Doreen: results, right? So what we do is we do a lot of thought work. How do we get out of the negative? We actually write down, The circumstance, our thought, the negative thought, the feeling, the negative feeling from the negative thought.

Cuz it’s always gonna be negative, right? The action that we take, which might be like procrastination or getting upset with someone or, you know, um, I don’t know, lack of, of being focused. Yes. And then the result, and we try to change it. To a a thought, and it can be a slight little change of something else that we can believe that isn’t negative, but is positive.

Right? And it’s [00:17:00] work. Nobody trains you how to do this, but we do. Right? Meaning that nobody teaches you that when you’re a kid, you know?

Jeff: Exactly. And it’s very, very difficult to do on by yourself.

Doreen: So here’s what I’d love our listeners to do. I’d love them to work. From today, from going through their divorce, and that’s an accomplishment and I would love for them to recognize that first.

Right? Okay. If you are here and you are listening, you’ve accomplished that right then. I would love for them to work backward. Just like the exercise we did. Mm-hmm. And think of all the accomplishments that you’ve had in your life and write them down. Do this. It’ll literally take you depending on, you know, how much you could do this in 10 minutes.

You could spend an hour, right? And just give yourself the opportunity to try it. At the end of the exercise, I promise you one thing, you’re gonna feel so much better. [00:18:00] You’re gonna look at that piece of paper and be like, holy, you know what? Right? I’ve really done a lot in my life I should be proud of.

Jeff: Yeah. And even if it’s not a whole lot better, you’re gonna

Doreen: feel better, right? I mean, even think about the fact that baby steps. We have 50 episodes over 50. I don’t even know what the number is, right? 58. 58, is it? Yes. So we have, I mean, that’s an accomplishment. I was thinking about the fact that giving back to the world through our life coaching, right?

Mm-hmm. Helping people through divorce and coaching is something that we should be proud of. And that will be around when we’re gone. Yeah. Like our kids will be able to listen to these podcasts or these episodes. Right. Isn’t that cool? I’m gonna get teary-eyed. Uh, right. And it’s not about being cocky or arrogant, you know?

Uh, I know who I am, you know, the good, the bad, the ugly, the tough, the scared, the demanding, the intense, the [00:19:00] loving person that I can be. And you can live in the truth of who you are without being arrogant, you know? But so many people think that if you acknowledge something good about yourself, like if you say, Hey, you know, I really rocked it in court the other day.

Um, that, that somehow is arrogant or stuck up or something. And I think a lot of people are reluctant to, to vocalize verbally if they are proud of something that they’ve accomplished. Why, why? Like, think about that in society. Why is it so hard for us to just say, Hey, you know what? World? I did a really good job today.

Right? Yeah. Like it’s so, but, but, but people are very quick to say the negative. Like, they’ll say, oh my God, I, this, my gosh, this dress looks horrible on me. Or, I didn’t do so good in court today. Or, you know, they’re okay [00:20:00] doing that. Why not own the opposite? Which is the good part. Think about it. I don’t think it’s cocky.

I think that, you know, if you’re saying it, In truth and just like, Hey, I really rocked it. What’s wrong with that? Right. I agree. I agree. So, yeah, so I, you know, I reflect, um, about things. I even think about my marriage to Sam as being an accomplishment, right? Something I should be proud of. We have three beautiful girls as a result.

Now I could have gotten outta that divorce. Or gone through that divorce and I could have focused on all the negative things instead of the accomplishments that we had in the marriage. In other words, why is it that it has to be happily ever after? Why? Why can’t we just acknowledge that we had a good marriage, we had a good run at it, and we just grew apart?

And [00:21:00] that’s okay. Right. Yeah, it was, I think we, something we should be proud of. If I would’ve gone to the negative side of it and focused in on all the horrible things, I bet that our relationship, meaning Sam and I would’ve been stressed because it would’ve resulted in my action being negative as opposed to saying, Hey, we had three kids together.

He’s a really good guy. We just grew apart, and that, that promoted me to take action. That was positive, right. Right. I think you have the opposite situation in your divorce. Yes. At that point, from what you’ve shared, you were focused very much on the negative.

Jeff: Well, yes I was and, and that’s, I. Not to point fingers and blame anybody because it’s my, I’m responsible for my own thoughts and my own feelings.

So I’ve, I’ve chosen to go a different direction and, and look at the positive in my marriage as well, or my ex ex-wife.

Doreen: Right, right. So, [00:22:00] um, I wanna say to the listeners another thing they should be positive and think be proud of is raising children. Just having a child is something that’s an accomplishment physically.

I mean, you know, your body is going through a lot. Mm-hmm. Even just getting pregnant can be an accomplishment. Right. Um, but raising your children, that is something you should be proud of. That is something that you should pat yourself on the back. I don’t think enough parents take the time to recognize how, how much they’re doing.

They’re always like, Hey, I could be a better parent. No. How about. You know, we all can be better, but how about, hey, you know, I’m doing a really good job. You know, I made a great dinner last night and the kids were, you know, they, they were in a good place and they’re doing well in school. I mean, all that comes from the parents doing things right?

Yeah. And so I think they need to be proud about that. It takes work though. And it, uh, for me, you know, thinking about my accomplishments, it’s [00:23:00] like very easy for me just to go to the negative, right? So just because we teach this stuff and just because I’ve been coaching for years doesn’t mean that I don’t have to coach myself every single day.

It, it’s, you know, it’s hard because again, your brain just goes to the negative. But the, the beauty with what we do is we teach you how to watch your brain. You become almost like the watcher of your brain. For me, I feel like it’s an out-of-body experience. Woo-hoo. No, but I really do like when I’m thinking something negative at times I can see myself like looking down at myself, sitting wherever.

I’m sitting at my, let’s just say my desk, and I’m thinking, why are you thinking negative things? You do, you

Jeff: do, you do catch

Doreen: yourself. You catch yourself. And that’s, that’s the first step in all this is just acknowledging the fact that you are having a negative thought and then the next que and that goes into the thought.

So the negative thought might be whatever it is, right? Like. [00:24:00] I’m never gonna find someone again. I’m never gonna fall in love again, or nobody wants me put anything into that thought line and then work backwards in the model. Right? What is causing that thought is the circumstance. You figure that out, then look at how you’re feeling and your action and result as, as, as a thought, as your thought goes.

Does that make sense? It does, to me anyway. Okay. But you, so you know, lots of downloads, lots of thought downloads. That’s how we do it, right? Yes. So anyhow, what else do we wanna talk about today? You know, I would suggest that coaching, if I would’ve known going through my divorce and post divorce, that life coaches were available to teach what we teach.

I think it’s a tool that gets our listeners, gets our clients. To where they need to be, where they want to be, to starting their life, to, to [00:25:00] feeling better, to really just feeling better. I mean, isn’t that what we’re all doing? Yes. In life, everything, everything we do is to feel better, right? Yes. And so with our coaching, with our, with our life coaching of people after divorce, what we’re trying to do is help them.

To understand their thoughts and to create results in their life that they want through their actions. Because your thought is always gonna show you the results in your life. If you’re having negative thoughts, I promise you’re having negative results in your life. If you are switched to positive thoughts, guess what’s gonna happen?

You’re gonna have positive results. It’s, it’s the way it works. It’s. Undisputable. So with coaching, I wish I would’ve had a coach when I went through my divorce because I could have, I’ve done this work and I do it every single day, and I know you do too, but we could have done it so much faster.

Jeff: You know, one thing, uh, [00:26:00] When I first heard about this, I was a little bit, a little skeptical.

A little. It was a little bit about what? Well, about this, you know, thought thing and downloads and, and I have control over this and control over that. And you pointed it out to me and, and I thought it was a little bit hokey at first, but once you, you, you tried a few times. It does get addictive.

Doreen: It does.

It does. No, but it, it works. That’s the thing. It does, it does work. Right. So I think, um, that I’ve done things, you know, I, I always wanna think that I’ve got my own back. And I think that when you have your own back, especially after divorce, you’ve got to have your own back. You have to start with being proud and thinking positive, not buying into the negative self-talk, because I think after divorce there’s even more.

Negative self-talk than usual. Right, because they’ve been through [00:27:00] so much, you know what I mean? Like our brain, it just naturally wants to go to the negative place. Right, Jeff?

Jeff: Yeah. I mean, yes, of course. You know, it’s hard work. You know, remind yourself that it’s all your thoughts and you can choose to be negative or positive, and most people don’t realize it’s really your choice.

It is a

Doreen: choice. It is voice. So let’s talk about comparing. So many people want to compare their accomplishments. Especially after divorce to other people, right? So for example, they might be looking at their friend who also went through a divorce and they’re trying to gauge how they should be doing after the divorce based on someone else.

Everyone gets through the divorce process differently. Everybody gets back to happy after divorce in their own timeframe. Being [00:28:00] proud of what you have done in your life and able to just survive through the divorce is the beginning to the healing. It’s the beginning to that positive thought that’s gonna start to create the results in your life that you want.

So when you’re comparing yourself to someone else and you’re looking at somebody else and what they have better than you, because that’s what you’re probably thinking, just be aware that you’re doing that. That’s part of the negative talk. By searching in someone else for the things that you think you could be better at or look better about, or have a better car, or more money, or whatever it is, you know?

So you just wanna be aware of your thinking. Why do you compare yourself? You’re doing. It because it’s that self negative talk. So just be aware of it. But you know, I was thinking like we’re helping people on some level with this and our coaching. It’s a beautiful thing to [00:29:00] do what you love and to give back and to make a difference, and that’s something we can be proud of.

Yes. I

Jeff: would love our listeners to take a minute and be proud of. That going through their divorce, having kids, for starters, whatever they can find, I know that they can dig, dig deep enough they can find something positive to think about and

Doreen: focus on. Of course, they can find many things to be very proud of.

Right. Yeah. Some people think celebrating yourself is, you know, like also we talked about arrogance, right? But being like a narcissist. That’s a word. I don’t know. Like, hi Boca. It’s just a word that’s used so much, right? I think maybe certain parts of the country it’s used more. But I hear a lot of times when people come see me for a divorce, it’s very common to hear, well, he’s a narcissist.

You know? Okay. But, uh, but you know, so what is a narcissist? Right? A [00:30:00] narcissist is a person that doesn’t have empathy. There ha. They have basically, An interest in themself, an admiration of themselves. That’s unnatural, right? That’s what a narcissist means. And that’s not what we’re suggesting here. No.

We’re not suggesting that you have an interest in yourself. That’s not, you know what it should be. That would be considered narcissistic, right? We’re saying just to be proud of yourself, period. Yeah. I

Jeff: mean, I think that the difference is if I go to somebody and I’m bragging about how great I am, That’s a little bit different than having, being aware of those feelings in myself.

Doreen: Right. But I don’t think people should be afraid to say to the world that they’ve done something great. No. You know, we talked about that, but so many of us, most of us, most of our listeners, I’m sure their brains are more in the. [00:31:00] Self-doubt. You know, I’m not good enough kind of mentality, so that if you can start to feel proud of yourself, that’ll be an exercise in starting to basically retrain your brain, right?

Because your brain always goes. To the negative. So what are we trying to do with this work is to love ourself that it’s hard work, and certainly not being na narcissistic. You know, you’re trying to train your brain to go from not worthy, from maybe shame from the divorce. Not good enough. The imposter syndrome, whatever you’re dealing with, to just being proud.

So identify the good, the survival that you’ve done to pick yourself up and get past this and be proud and give yourself that high five that you’ve done it. It’s really hard for most of us to love ourself, especially after [00:32:00] divorce. It, it’s against the grain to be proud of yourself. That’s why we do this exercise, right, Jeff?

That’s why we do this. Our clients, we ask them to list everything they’ve done, keep it, look at it, add to it daily. Why not add to it daily? Right. Could you imagine how cool that was would be? I think so. I think if you had a piece of paper or journal and every day you just wrote down all your accomplishments from little things like making a great meal or even just making a meal, right.

To big things like, uh, landing a client. Or your child getting an A or moving into a new home or maybe going on your first date after divorce. What

Jeff: really neat is, uh, after a couple of months reading the journal,

Doreen: I think they should read it every day. Every day. I think they should read it every day.

That’s a good point. You know? So anyhow, so the bottom line is, you know, it’s very interesting. I wanna open everybody’s thoughts up to the subject. You know, why can’t we [00:33:00] celebrate getting through the divorce being okay and all the other great things each of us have done and will continue to do. I see what my clients go through in divorce and where they end up.

Guess what? They end up where in a better, more fulfilling life. And I’m so proud of them. I’m so proud of them. Every time I get someone through the divorce process and then they either coach with us or I don’t, or they don’t, they survive and they get through it. And for most people, and I mean, I mean really most, I think it makes them stronger getting through the divorce.

Right. So please, my friends, we encourage you to acknowledge yourself, your greatness, your survival. When I work with groups, I have them say it out loud. I do, I have them say it out loud if they want to, right? We don’t pressure them, [00:34:00] but saying the good things about yourself to others is really a cool exercise as well.

Most people won’t do it, but I encourage you to do it. And if you don’t wanna do it in a group setting, like I said, when we do group settings for coaching, we ask people to say, acknowledge the good things about themselves. I always mention my hair. I think I have good hair.

Jeff: You have, you get so many compliments out in

Doreen: public.

No, I always, I always say, my mom gave me great hair. And it’s true. My mom gave me good hair. She’s got good hair.

Jeff: Right. I always say, my mom gave me my voice, not No. And that’s the

Doreen: reaction I get. Okay. But you know what they could do? Maybe with a trusted friend, they could do an exchange of all the, yeah. Of all the good things, right?

What a great idea. Yeah. So maybe there’s somebody in your life that you trust that probably, maybe somebody that could use a little, pick me up to give back, teach them about what we’re teaching you in this episode, and maybe do that exercise of acknowledging all the good things with your friend. Right?

So I think it would be a [00:35:00] cool thing to do. I

Jeff: think it’s a great

Doreen: idea. All right. So listen, I wanna tell you, I’m very proud of you. I’m proud of you, and I’m proud of me too. And I’m proud of me. Okay? All right, everybody, listen. How do they reach us? Because we have like new email addresses and things like this, so if someone wants to learn more about coaching one-on-one with us, okay.

Um, after divorce, how should they find

Jeff: us? Well, they can email us.

Doreen: Yes, and my email address is doreen, d o r e e n y, for yaa at life after divorce, coaches, not coaching coaches.com.

Jeff: And I’ll, you’d change the name of the front, Jeff w. At life after the divorce. coaches.com. All

Doreen: right guys, listen, or whoever’s out there, women, guys, I just always tend to say that.

Um, but anyhow, have an amazing week. Love yourself. Be [00:36:00] kind to yourself, acknowledge and be proud of yourself. And until next time, we’ll see you next week. Bye-bye.

Jeff: You have the vision of what you want your life to look like after divorce, but maybe you just don’t know how to get there. So if you’re ready to take control of your life and want to find out more about our coaching, visit us at l a d coaching.com. That’s l a d as in life after divorce dash.

coaching.com.

Doreen: Until next time, have an amazing rest of your day. And remember, yes, you can have an amazing life after after divorce.