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Ep. 90 – Buffering

What Is Buffering and How Do You Overcome It?

In this blog post, we’re going to talk about something that many of us do but might not even realize: buffering. We’ll take a deep dive into what is buffering, what it means, and how it can affect our lives, especially during tough transitions like divorce.

So, what is buffering exactly? Well, it’s when we do something that gives us a quick rush of happy feelings to distract us from feeling sad or stressed. It’s a way of avoiding our negative emotions like anxiety, sadness, or anger by turning to something that makes us feel good in the moment.

There are lots of ways we can buffer, like eating too much, shopping too often, gambling, binge-watching TV shows, or drinking. Sure, they might feel good for a little while, but in the long run, they can lead to even more problems.

When it comes to divorce, buffering is a super common way people try to cope. We all know how hard a divorce can be and how overwhelming all the emotions can be. But it’s important to be aware of buffering and how it might actually make it harder for us to heal and move on.

The Negative Consequences of Buffering

When you’re going through a divorce, you’re going to feel a bunch of different emotions, and that’s totally normal. But our natural instinct as humans is to avoid negative feelings, right?

Today, it’s so easy to get that quick hit of pleasure that we all crave. Everywhere you look, there are ads for products that promise to make you happy and fulfilled.

But here’s the thing — those quick pleasures are usually followed by consequences. Like, if you eat a bunch of junk food, you might feel good for a minute, but then you feel guilty and maybe even gain weight. And that guilt just compounds the negative feelings you were trying to avoid in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle.

We call it “false pleasure” because it doesn’t last. So even though it’s not as exciting as eating a whole tub of ice cream, things like going to school or working out can bring us more long-lasting happiness.

What to Do If You’re Buffering

When you’re in the middle of a divorce, it’s important to be aware of when you’re buffering and then use the right tools to help you get through those negative emotions.

One way to do this is to become more in tune with your body. When you’re feeling sad or angry, take a moment to think about where you’re feeling those emotions in your body. For me, it’s usually a heavy feeling in my chest. Once you’ve identified where you’re feeling those emotions, take some deep breaths and try to breathe into that area.

It’s also helpful to have some tools at your disposal for dealing with negative emotions. This could be journaling, meditation, going for a walk, or talking to a friend. Whatever works for you.

Make sure you have it ready for when those tough moments hit. And remember, it’s okay to feel those negative emotions. You need to let yourself feel them in order to move past them.

So next time you find yourself reaching for that glass of wine or mindlessly scrolling through social media, take a step back and ask yourself if you’re buffering. If you are, try to get through those emotions instead of avoiding them. Your future self will thank you.

The Importance of Authenticity

No matter how much work you do to stop buffering, it will come up again. It’s going to come up. We see it constantly in our coaching, which is why we teach our clients exactly how to get to the other side.

Everyone wants to go from these horrible feelings about divorce to feeling great again — this is the primitive brain seeking pleasure. But you’ve got to give yourself time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

The most important thing is to start living your life in reality and being authentic with yourself. That means sadness and happiness are both real. Without false pleasures and make-believe emotions.

It’s Okay to Feel Your Emotions

It’s totally okay to feel sad, happy, or any other emotion without trying to escape from it. As I always say, life is 50-50. You’re gonna experience ups and downs, successes, and failures. It’s all part of the yin and yang of life. Some days will be amazing, while others will be a struggle.

And it’s not just us adults who feel this way. I see it in our kids, too. Nowadays, they’re dealing with so much pressure and it breaks my heart. But I always try to remind them that it’s okay to feel their emotions. Whether it’s happiness, sadness, anger, or anything in between, it’s important to acknowledge it and let yourself experience it fully.

So if you’re going through a tough time during or after a divorce, remember that it’s okay to feel sad. Don’t try to push those emotions away or escape from them through buffering. Embrace the yin and yang of life, and trust that you’ll get through it with time and self-care.

Embracing Life’s Challenges and True Pleasures

It’s okay to admit when you’re struggling with negative thoughts, because let’s face it, life can be tough. But here’s the thing, this too shall pass. It’s important to focus on yourself and your true life because that’s what’s sustainable.

Sure, it takes hard work and dedication, but in order to live a life on purpose, a life that has meaning and brings you joy, it’s worth the effort. It’s not always easy, but it’s simple. You just need to decide what you want from life. Do you want to settle for a mediocre existence, or do you want to pursue your calling and passion?

Remember, this is not a dress rehearsal. This is your life, and you only get one shot at it. Embrace the challenges and curve balls that life throws at you, like divorce, illness, or accidents, because they shape who you are and make you stronger.

And when you show up as your authentic self, you’ll be more prepared to tackle the world and go for what you want. Let go of the meaningless pleasures that distract you from what truly matters, and start experiencing the real pleasures that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Whether it’s getting a degree, working hard in your career, starting a business, or simply watching a beautiful sunset, it’s the small things that make life truly great. So, go out there and embrace the challenges, and find joy in the true pleasures of life.

How to Overcome Buffering

At Life After Divorce Coaching, we’re passionate about helping people navigate the challenges of divorce, including buffering, and emerge stronger on the other side. We believe that divorce can be a transformative experience, an opportunity to reevaluate our lives and make positive changes for the future.

Through our coaching program, we help individuals develop healthy coping mechanisms and habits that support their emotional well-being. We encourage our clients to engage in self-reflection, explore their values and goals, and make intentional choices that align with their vision for the future.

If you’re going through a divorce or any other difficult transition, we invite you to explore our coaching program and discover how we can support you on your journey. Remember, buffering may provide temporary relief, but it’s essential to address the underlying issues and emotions to truly move forward and create a fulfilling life after divorce.

To set up your Discovery Call with us today, visit our website. We can’t wait to talk with you!

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