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Ep. 94 – Is resistance to change keeping you from your best life?

resistance to change during divorce

Overcoming Resistance to Change During Divorce

Change is an inevitable part of life, but it becomes even more evident during and after a divorce. In this blog post, we will delve into the topic of resistance to change, exploring why it occurs, its implications, and the importance of embracing change during the divorce journey.

By understanding the stages of resistance and the impact it has on the different aspects of your life, you can navigate the process more effectively and create a healthier transition for yourself and your children — ultimately leading to your best life after divorce.

The Inevitability of Change

Change is just a part of life, whether we like it or not. When it comes to divorce, brace yourself for a whole bunch of changes, from a new living situation to a new budget to a new daily routine.

Whether you like it or not, things will be different after your divorce. So it’s worth thinking about why we resist change in our lives and whether it might actually be better to roll with the punches and learn how to effectively embrace change instead.

Resisting change, especially when you’re going through a divorce, can cause all sorts of problems. As a lawyer, I’ve seen so many clients struggle with this resistance, and let me tell you, it just makes everything harder.

When you don’t accept the legal process and the adjustments that come with it, whether it’s through settlements or court orders, things become more problematic. This resistance to change during divorce can lead to serious consequences that impact you mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Going Through the Stages of Resistance

The stages of resistance are very similar to the stages of grief. The first stage is shock. When change hits you, your initial reaction is often disbelief or denying it. You may try to resist and not accept that it’s happening to you.

Then comes anger. This is a natural response once you start to realize that your divorce is real. You may be upset that you have to make all of these decisions and go through this experience. The anger may feel like a protest against the changes happening.

The next stage is acceptance. This occurs once the anger has worn off and you move into a more positive stage. You stop focusing on what you’ve lost and start accepting the change. This is when you can start exploring what these changes mean to you and how they’re going to affect your future.

Understanding the Resistance to Change During Divorce

Resistance to change during divorce stems from the way our human brains are wired. Our primitive brain, which wants to protect us, doesn’t like change and clings to the status quo.

However, as humans, we have the unique ability, through our prefrontal cortex, to recognize the need for change and consciously choose to embrace it. When we acknowledge the resistance and consciously use our human brain, we can navigate the divorce process with greater ease and less resistance.

It’s important to realize that divorce isn’t a failure but a catalyst for personal growth and a better future. Society and certain beliefs may attach a stigma to divorce, but we have the power to redefine its narrative. By reframing divorce as an opportunity to improve ourselves and our relationships, we can shift our perspective and embrace the change with a more positive mindset.

Reasons for Resistance

There are a lot of things that contribute to resistance during a divorce. Misunderstanding the need for change is one of the most common, especially when it comes to decisions about your living situation.

You will likely be tempted to hold onto the old ways of doing things. But focusing on what your ex is doing and comparing yourself to them can also fuel resistance. It’s crucial that you shift your focus back to your OWN personal growth, individual needs, and your ability to create a positive life after divorce.

Resistance to change during and after divorce is natural but can hinder personal growth and create additional challenges. By recognizing the inevitability of change, understanding the stages of resistance, and consciously choosing to embrace it, we can navigate the divorce journey with greater ease. Shifting our perspective, reframing divorce as an opportunity for growth, and focusing on ourselves and our children’s well-being will enable us to move forward positively.

It’s also important to acknowledge that our thoughts create our feelings, actions, and ultimately the results we experience. When we focus on the benefits and rewards of embracing change, even if they may not be immediately apparent, we open ourselves up to positive outcomes. Choosing to focus on the positive things that come from your divorce, no matter how small they might seem, empowers us to shape a more fulfilling future.

Remember that your perception of negative experiences is a part of the process of becoming successful and building a positive future. By recognizing and accepting the negative aspects, you can learn and grow from them, which will help you create a more rewarding life.

Become a Speedboat During Your Divorce

Success and resistance go hand in hand. A good way to think of this is to consider how a speedboat needs the resistance of water to propel itself forward. Just like speedboats reach incredible speeds as a result of the resistance they face, we also need resistance in our lives to achieve success. When we overcome these challenges and face resistance, we grow and move toward our goals.

On the other hand, resisting change or avoiding obstacles is not a healthy approach to life. Resistance is an integral part of our journey, and it’s important to acknowledge and embrace it. Accepting resistance, even when it feels uncomfortable, allows you to learn and grow from the experience. If you can reframe your failures as learning opportunities and push forward, you can fail forward and inch closer to success.

There are a lot of examples from history that demonstrate the importance of embracing resistance and learning from failures. For example, Thomas Edison failed a thousand times before successfully inventing the light bulb. Walt Disney was fired for lacking imagination before becoming the king of imagination. Michael Jordan was even cut from his high school basketball team, yet he persevered and became one of the greatest basketball players of all time.

These people used resistance as a stepping stone for growth and success. They saw failures as opportunities to learn and improve. Each setback brought them closer to achieving their goals. We can adopt a mindset that views resistance as a necessary part of the journey, one that allows us to learn, adapt, and ultimately thrive.

So, the next time you face resistance, remember the speedboat analogy. Embrace the challenges, learn from them, and keep moving forward. Success lies on the other side of resistance, waiting to be claimed by those who persist and believe in their ability to overcome obstacles. Fail forward, grow, and let resistance propel you toward your dreams.

If you are ready to take control of your life and navigate the post-divorce journey, finding the right support to help you accept change and overcome resistance is critical. Visit our website to learn how we can help you on your path to personal growth and creating the life you envision.

Remember, change may be challenging but also an opportunity for transformation and new beginnings. Embrace change, focus on the positive, and look forward to a brighter future beyond divorce.

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