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Loving your life after Divorce

Ep. 136

Mastering the Model: A Recipe for Thriving After Divorce

Navigating life after divorce can be challenging, to say the least. It’s a time when emotions run high, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by circumstances beyond our control. However, there’s a powerful tool that can help you not only cope but thrive in this new chapter of your life. It’s called the model, and understanding its components is key to reclaiming your happiness and purpose.

So, what exactly is the model? At its core, it’s a framework that consists of five essential elements: circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. Let’s delve deeper into each component:

1. Circumstances

Circumstances are the facts of your life, the undeniable truths that shape your reality. They are things like your ex-spouse, your job, your living situation—things that you can’t change or control. Acknowledging your circumstances is the first step in understanding the model. While you may not have control over your circumstances, you do have control over how you respond to them.

2. Thoughts

Thoughts are the sentences that run through your mind every day, shaping your perception of the world around you. With over 60,000 thoughts per day, it’s easy for many of them to be on autopilot. However, by consciously directing your thoughts, you can influence your feelings and actions. Your thoughts can either empower you or hold you back, so it’s essential to choose them wisely.

3. Feelings

Feelings are the emotional responses triggered by your thoughts. Whether it’s anger, sadness, or joy, your thoughts have the power to evoke a wide range of emotions. Recognizing and understanding these emotions is crucial in mastering the model. By being aware of your feelings, you can better understand the root cause of your emotions and take proactive steps to address them.

4. Actions

Actions are the behaviors that result from your feelings and thoughts. They can either move you closer to your goals or hinder your progress. By aligning your actions with your desired outcomes, you can create positive change in your life. Your actions are a reflection of your values and priorities, so it’s important to ensure they are in line with what you want to achieve.

5. Results

Results are the consequences of your actions—the tangible outcomes that shape your life. If you’re unhappy with your results, it’s likely because your actions haven’t been aligned with your goals. However, by adjusting your thoughts and behaviors, you can achieve the results you desire. Results are not only an indication of your past actions but also a roadmap for future growth and development.

Putting the Model into Practice

The beauty of the model lies in its simplicity and effectiveness. By consciously applying the CTFAR framework (Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, Results) throughout your day, you can gain control over your life and create the future you envision.

Let’s consider an example: Your circumstance is your ex-spouse. Your thought is, “He or she is a jerk.” This thought triggers feelings of anger, which lead to actions like responding to text messages in a hostile manner. The result? A cycle of conflict and negativity.

However, by intentionally shifting your thoughts to more positive ones—such as “He or she is a good parent”—you can change the trajectory of your interactions. This simple shift in perspective can lead to improved co-parenting relationships and ultimately, a more fulfilling life post-divorce.

Mastering the model is not an overnight process, but with dedication and practice, it can become a powerful tool for navigating life’s challenges. By understanding the interconnectedness of circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, you can take control of your destiny and create the life you deserve.

Remember, the power lies within you. By harnessing the potential of your thoughts and actions, you can overcome any obstacle and emerge stronger than ever before. So, embrace the model, and let it guide you on your journey to a happier, more fulfilling life after divorce.

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