Creating your New Normal: Co-Parenting During the Holidays After Divorce
The holidays are here again, bringing a mix of emotions for many—nostalgia, joy, stress, and sometimes sadness. If the season doesn’t quite feel merry and bright, you’re not alone. For those navigating the complexities of co-parenting during the holidays, the challenges can feel even more pronounced. But with intentionality and an open mind, it’s possible to create meaningful traditions and embrace a new chapter.
Understanding Pain and The Emotional Landscape of the Holidays
The holidays have a way of stirring up memories—good and bad. This time of year can highlight the changes brought by divorce, especially if it’s your first holiday season apart or co-parenting. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed or uneasy. However, the key to making it through is to shift focus away from the past and toward creating a positive experience for both you and your children.
As we discussed in episode 173 of our series, it’s crucial to let go of lingering negative thoughts about your ex. Yes, it’s easy to think, But you don’t know my ex! However, dwelling on old grievances doesn’t serve you or your kids. Instead, try reframing your mindset to focus on what truly matters: making the holidays enjoyable and memorable for your children.
Prioritizing the Kids
Co-parenting during the holidays is about one thing above all else: your children. They’re the glue that binds the family together, even if it looks different now. It’s a blessing to be able to focus on their happiness, and fostering a sense of stability for them during this time is critical.
If you’ve reached a point where you and your co-parent can spend time together amicably, consider the benefits of including them in celebrations. This might seem unconventional to some, but for many families, it works beautifully. For example, inviting your ex to join in for Christmas morning or Hanukkah celebrations can make the experience feel whole for your kids. While this approach isn’t for everyone, it’s worth asking—the worst that can happen is they say no. Either way, you can still create new traditions that are meaningful for everyone involved.
Setting Boundaries
For those whose co-parenting relationship is more challenging, boundaries and planning are your best allies. Your parenting plan or visitation schedule provides a framework for the holidays, and it’s important to stick to it when you’re unable to agree on changes. Having the agreement in writing can prevent conflicts from spiraling and ensure the focus stays on what’s best for the kids.
However, flexibility can go a long way if both parties are willing to compromise. For example, if one parent celebrates Christmas Eve and the other takes Christmas Day, or if one parent has the kids for Hanukkah while the other gets New Year’s Eve, everyone can share meaningful time without unnecessary tension.
Embracing New Traditions
The holidays don’t have to stay the same as they were before. In fact, they likely won’t. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. This is an opportunity to create new traditions that reflect your family’s current reality. Maybe this means a holiday movie night, baking cookies together, or even celebrating on a different day to accommodate everyone’s schedules.
The key is to let go of rigid expectations and embrace the change. As we’ve said before, your thoughts shape your feelings, which influence your actions. Dwelling on how things used to be only hinders your ability to create a joyful holiday experience now. Instead, focus on the positives and look for ways to make this time special for your children and yourself.
Taking Care of Yourself
Navigating the holidays as a co-parent also means taking care of your own well-being. Incorporate self-care practices like yoga, meditation, reading, or exercise into your routine. These activities can help you manage stress and stay grounded. Remember, the better you feel, the better you’ll be able to show up for your kids.
The holidays are a time for love, joy, and togetherness—even if that looks different after divorce. By prioritizing your children, setting boundaries when needed, and embracing new traditions, you can create a meaningful holiday season. Let go of past grievances and focus on the present moment. This year can be an opportunity to start fresh and build something beautiful for you and your family.
As always, we’re here to support you on your journey. Episode 163 of our series dives deeper into these topics, offering tips and real-life insights on co-parenting during the holidays. Together, we can make this season one of growth, connection, and joy.
