Ep. 123 – Setting Passionate Goals

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Unknown
Hello, everybody out there and good day. Welcome to podcast number 125. Today we’re going to be talking about setting passionate goals. So if you’re ready, let’s get started. Are you ready to create a life that’s better than ever before? We are Doreen Yaffa and Jeff Wilson, and we are here to give you the strategies you need to create the life after divorce that you deserve and desire as partners, both in marriage and coaching, we use our expertise as well as our own personal experiences to help you make the next chapter of your life.

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Unknown
The best chapter.

00;00;52;20 – 00;01;25;00
Unknown
Hey, Doreen, How are you? I’m doing great. How are you? I’m doing fantastic. Looking good over there. Thank you. Okay, so goal setting. Yeah, let’s. Let’s start setting and basically using your divorce to rethink your life’s purpose. Your passion. Reinvent yourself. Yeah. Set goals. You know, use this. Use this time to really rediscover who you are and what you want and what you are going to basically redesign your future look like.

00;01;25;04 – 00;01;49;01
Unknown
Yeah. And what do you feel passionate about? But before we get started, we have touched on this subject before this this is a bigger picture of goal setting. And so we talked in episode five. I talked about setting goals. That’s when I was just doing the podcast called Your Amazing Divorce. Amazing because you get to an amazing life.

00;01;49;02 – 00;02;17;00
Unknown
I do love after divorce, right? And then episode 68 was on Future Goals. You and I did that together, and then we did more recently Episode number 106 We did on Smart Goals. Yes. So go back to those if you want to listen. But this is about finding your passion because when you can tap into what you really feel passionate about, what it does is it really fuels you to reach your goals.

00;02;17;05 – 00;02;46;12
Unknown
Right? Right. Because when the tough gets going and it will, it is always going to be obstacles to overcome. And any goals that you’re reaching, the passion is what keeps you going. Finish that and the tough get going. So right gets tough. The tough get going, correct? Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, and I think that one thing about goal setting only you can determine what it is that you want your life to look like in your future.

00;02;46;14 – 00;03;13;29
Unknown
And that’s why we wanted to bring up the the passion part of it. Because, you know, if you’re passionate about something, then you typically will work harder for it, correct? Correct. So let’s start by understanding what passion is and how to find it. Right. Divorce, as I just said, can be well, I didn’t really say this, but we all know, yes, it’s a challenging and also a transformative experience.

00;03;14;02 – 00;03;42;19
Unknown
So as you navigate this new chapter in your life, it’s important to find ways to rediscover your passion and create a fulfilling future. So in this podcast, we’re going to talk about the secrets to finding your passion and how to apply them in your post-divorce journey. And I think the first thing is we want to understand passion, right in this in the in the there’s lots of passions in life, right?

00;03;42;19 – 00;04;14;18
Unknown
I’m so passionate for you, baby. my God. All right, Episode, We got to go now. It was nice talking. Everybody’s kidding. Just. I mean, not just kidding, but I know what you meant anyhow, so. But passions are strong. Let’s talk about it. Passions are strong. Feelings of enthusiasm and excitement for something or about doing something. There are often activities or pursuits that you have loved doing, engaging, and you love doing it, and you’re able to do it consistently and constantly because you enjoy it so much.

00;04;14;18 – 00;04;38;19
Unknown
It’s kind of like second nature. Even when you find that you’re learning a new skill, it’s just like, I want to learn more. Right? Well, some passions may be related, as we know, to work. It’s important to distinguish those from hobbies, right? Because work is work, hobbies and are hobbies. And then you can have passionate personal goals as well, like travel, exercise, golf, golf.

00;04;38;26 – 00;05;04;14
Unknown
Well, that’s a hobby. Yeah, some would say no. It could be sport. It could be a sport. Yeah, it is. It is a sport. Yeah. And we’re learning about it. We’re a little bit passionate about it right now. We are. We are. Yeah. But passions are more specific and can motivate you to overcome. Like I said, the challenges and the setbacks, they align you with your core value and they contribute to your overall success and fulfillment.

00;05;04;14 – 00;05;29;13
Unknown
So how do you find them, right? How do you discover? So we want to talk about the journey to discovering your passion because, you know, finding your passion, it’s a personal and kind of an ongoing process. There’s never like you find a passion, then you’re done, right? It’s something that never stops. It requires a little bit of self-reflection and kind of exploring yourself and the willingness to try new things.

00;05;29;15 – 00;05;50;29
Unknown
Right, which we know sometimes are primitive Brain doesn’t like to do that. So sometimes you have to kind of force yourself to get out there and try new things. But there’s ten things that we’re going to kind of go over that kind of help you along that journey. Right. Okay. So number one, go ahead. Go ahead. Okay. No, I was just going to say, you know, create a personal vision statement.

00;05;51;02 – 00;06;18;23
Unknown
In other words, define what you want to accomplish in your life, both personally, professionally. And this statement will help you kind of find your true passions, right? Yeah. But and so when you do that and you put down your personal vision statement, explore, go for something that may sound ridiculous to anyone else, right? And just write it down anyhow.

00;06;18;25 – 00;06;41;10
Unknown
Like I want to be X, Y, z in business. I would love to do the X. You know, there’s a lot of reality today that used to be ridiculous in the past, right? You know, so a lot of people may think that, that’s crazy. However, you know, things could become reality because, you know, you work hard at something, right?

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Unknown
I mean, you could think of a lot of things that we have the iPhone, you know, that sits right here. Somebody thought that was a crazy idea, right? Yeah. So many of those we could just go back and look at. Right. The Wright brothers that wanted to fly someday. Yeah. Okay. Now you’re really going back. They’re going back.

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Unknown
But, you know, but you know, you think about it. You know somebody I’m going to talk to somebody. But, you know, when you think about I’m going to fly, you know, okay, you’re really crazy, right? So we just went off in a little bit, Right? Right. Okay. The next thing is number two is uncover your values. Like we said, identify the things that are important to you and shape your work in life.

00;07;22;14 – 00;07;49;23
Unknown
Your values will guide your personal goals and your principles. So what are your values, right? For me, I have a real passion right now in I’m opening a second law firm. It’s going to it’s called split Up and it’s going to be four people going through an uncontested divorce who need a lawyer and can’t afford a typical brick and mortar boutique law firm like I have at Yale for Family Law Group.

00;07;49;23 – 00;08;22;17
Unknown
Right. Right. And I’m passionate about it because I’ve spent the last basically 30 years of my life being a lawyer in the legal profession, starting as a law clerk, moving up the ladder, owning my own firm, becoming board certified. But I have a passion for helping people that can’t afford services that I offer my boutique firm. I also see that there’s a need for helping people through divorce just who can’t afford it, but also because the system is somewhat broken, right?

00;08;22;19 – 00;08;45;06
Unknown
Most cases settle, so why are they not settling? So I have a passion for getting this out there, Right. And that’s what drives me every day. I’ve been working on this for quite some time, but that’s what keeps me going. It’s that value. It’s finding that priority and setting that goal based on my personal and this is my business value of what I think is important.

00;08;45;09 – 00;09;07;19
Unknown
So find yours, Right? Right. The next one is called Find Your Truth. Yeah. Finding your true north. Well, I like to say truth. Well, yeah, true, true. No, no. In other words, well, true North meaning your true destination. Your true path, your your undeniable north. That this is the way I’m going. I’m following that north, you know, the bright star.

00;09;07;19 – 00;09;29;17
Unknown
And I’m going and heading in that direction because your mom will probably talk a little bit about this later. But one thing that we’ve always talked about is your why has to be stronger than your how? Right? So I think this is what what impacts your goal, what compels you. It leads you to a more fulfilled life that’s driven by those passions.

00;09;29;18 – 00;09;52;00
Unknown
Right? So the why will over always overcome the how do you do it right and the obstacles. So I think they kind of all blend together so far. Yeah. One, two and three create your personal vision statement, but that you should really write down, uncover your values and now find your true north. The next one is make a list of things that you love to do right?

00;09;52;00 – 00;10;21;20
Unknown
Take the time to identify the activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Think about that. Yeah. If you like being outdoors, put that down there. Maybe you have a passion and for being outdoors and finding something that is going to excite you personally and business. Why that involves an outdoors type of situation, right? If you love, let’s say reading, right, you just have a real passion for knowledge and for reading.

00;10;21;22 – 00;10;43;22
Unknown
Put that down. Maybe you should be in in the career or look into journalism or writing on some level. Maybe it could be teaching. Teaching could be part of that. I mean, there’s so many things. So make a list of the things you love to do. Yeah, Self-awareness is key to discovering your passion. And part of that self-awareness is discovering what you don’t love to do.

00;10;43;24 – 00;11;07;10
Unknown
Well, that’s number five. Recognizing your pursuits that don’t resonate with you and understanding what you don’t love. And that will help you gain clarity on what truly matters to you. Correct? Correct. It works both ways. It does. And again, you know, there is something to be said and we talked about this in other episodes about the value of writing.

00;11;07;13 – 00;11;36;11
Unknown
That’s why journaling is so important. A lot of people skip the writing portion and they’ll just kind of answer the questions on these. But I can’t emphasize how important it is to write it down. What you love, what you don’t love, what your values are, what your true north is. Just really write it down. Well, they do say that when you write something down, you’re twice as likely to achieve what you’re writing down, Correct?

00;11;36;11 – 00;12;05;14
Unknown
So it is put in and anchors it into your brain. And that’s actually on our list, too, which is journaling. Right. But before journaling, we wanted to talk about acknowledging number six is acknowledge your strengths and achievements. Reflect on the strengths in past accomplishments that you’ve had. Right? Probably those strengths and accomplishments are an indication of your alignment with certain passions, right?

00;12;05;15 – 00;12;29;23
Unknown
Makes sense, right? Because that’s typically how it works. Embrace them and use them as a guide. You write, How can you really be good at something if you’re not passionate about it? Very challenging. It kind of makes a lot of sense. Well, I think you can be, and I think a lot of people probably are in careers as an example that they’re they’ve no long they don’t have a passion for for whatever reason.

00;12;29;23 – 00;12;54;12
Unknown
But they’ve done well. They’ve been successful. But, you know, like you were saying in the beginning, you want to revisit these goals and the passions about them because your life changes, right? Just like you’re going through divorce and you’re rebuilding in the next chapter. Your life is now changing so your passions will start to move as well. And while your passions may move, your core values probably remain the same.

00;12;54;12 – 00;13;17;07
Unknown
They’re part of your makeup. They’re part of who you are. They’re part of, you know, that left brain, white right brain. They’re part of what just come, you know, as a natural for you. Right? Right. So that’s what we’re trying to say. If you’re a person that loves being out and about, then certainly being in a desk job, sitting before a computer doing data entry, you’re not going to be happy.

00;13;17;10 – 00;13;44;18
Unknown
Right? Right. So what we’re saying is, you know, like really dive in when we talk about embracing change and embracing change. Okay. I think number seven, right. We’re on. Yeah, well, we kind of touched journaling, right? So practice journaling. Remember thinking to ink it, keep a journal to keep track of your progress and personal growth. Right? Yeah. If you when you find out what your goals are and what you’re passionate about as far we like to start with the Passion.

00;13;44;18 – 00;14;06;20
Unknown
First, find out what you’re passionate about first, passionate about, then set your goals. Set one goal personally. One goal professionally, right? That’s a good idea. Don’t do too many goals at one time. I’m I’m like, I’m the queen of trying do a million things at one one time. And what I’ve learned is you can do a million things well, right?

00;14;06;20 – 00;14;27;15
Unknown
Spinning plates. Well, it’s called like, really like when you’re young and you well, not young, but when you’re young minded. As I was raising kids, having a career or having, you know, be wanting a beautiful family, wanting to stay in shape, I thought I could do it all. And then I realized something’s got to give. So find the few things.

00;14;27;17 – 00;14;45;12
Unknown
One or two, and just work on that. Keep track of your progress, keep track of your goals, and just every day, make a little step forward. And when you make a few steps backwards because things will happen, you know what? You pick up the pieces and you go straight forward. Just like when you get on the scale and you gain a pound.

00;14;45;18 – 00;15;04;27
Unknown
That happened to me this week. I got on the scale Monday and I’ve been on a journey. I’ve lost a bunch of weight right over the course of a year. It’s it’s slow and steady, but I gained a pound and I got that typical mindset, which was, really? And then I really thought about I’m like, Yeah, really?

00;15;04;27 – 00;15;29;08
Unknown
Because I kind of went off my protocol and, well, what did I expect? But I picked myself right back up, kept doing it, kept, you know, focused on my journaling, on my eating calories in calories out, going to the gym. And guess what, though? That £1 is gone. It’s gone. And for those of you out there, please don’t feel sorry for her because she gained that £1 on a four day cruise.

00;15;29;11 – 00;15;51;25
Unknown
Okay. So there is no sympathy here for you. But I was good. You were good because, listen, when you have a goal and you go on a four day cruise, you still keep in check with your goal. You don’t give yourself excuses. That’s your primitive brain coming in and saying, you know what, We’re on a cruise. It’s all you can eat buffet, it’s all the food you want, etc., etc..

00;15;51;25 – 00;16;15;06
Unknown
So I’m just going to eat. No, no, no, no, no, no. Tell the kids. No, no, no, no. That is your primitive brain. You say, You know what? Primitive brain. I hear you. You go back over here, you go to sleep. Because my my adult brain is going to tell me I’m going to have a good time and yeah, I’m going to have a little this and a little bit out of the desert, but I’m going to to really be on track.

00;16;15;06 – 00;16;34;25
Unknown
So I gained a pound. I spend more time in the gym than we did in the restaurant. What I’m saying is it’s not an excuse because there’s always an excuse to do it tomorrow, some day. What’s that saying? You always saying on that island someday I’ll. Someday I’ll do this, Someday I’ll do that. Life is always going to get in the way.

00;16;34;27 – 00;17;03;02
Unknown
Your divorce is just an obstacle to your better life, right? Yeah. Okay. All right. Back on track here. All right, go ahead. Well, we’re talking about mindfulness, right? When you cultivate mindfulness, you want to be present of your own feelings and very aware of what you’re experiencing. This practice will definitely help you connect with your inner guide and uncover what those passions really are.

00;17;03;03 – 00;17;27;22
Unknown
So give me an example. Well, when you started that mindfulness, you mean like mindfulness? You’re really taking a good look within and really discovering who you are and what your feelings are and what your emotions are. Why are you feeling this way? Why are you thinking this way? What thoughts serve you and what thoughts don’t serve your goals and your passions?

00;17;27;24 – 00;17;56;03
Unknown
So I really think that when you really take a deep look at yourself, you’re going to discover a lot of things. So I also think that when you talk about, you know, being aware of your feelings, we have other episodes that talk about buffering, and a lot of times people want to avoid negative feelings. And what we teach is that you need to work through the negative, let it run through you and and run through.

00;17;56;03 – 00;18;14;26
Unknown
You got to get past it. And you can’t hide it by buffering, which is like overeating over drinking over anything to be able to get a quick dopamine hit based on I’m using food and alcohol right now as an example because it feels good, right? Your body says, yeah, I like this. Let me have another glass of wine.

00;18;14;29 – 00;18;37;17
Unknown
Right. Is anything a word? Yeah, Anything. Anything. You know that I like that word. That’s a special like number nine. What’s number nine? Number nine is seek guidance for my coach. Yeah. So, you know, we’re coaches, so obviously we want you to call us because we’re amazing and we bring extreme value to our clients. But you’re confident and confidence.

00;18;37;17 – 00;19;01;05
Unknown
But here’s the thing. You know, a coach can provide valuable support and guidance in your journey, and it’s really important, we think, to have basically like someone who’s not going to be judgmental, who’s going to help you discover who you are, who’s going to help to pull it out of you, who’s going to keep you on track, and accountability partner, basically.

00;19;01;07 – 00;19;19;24
Unknown
And keep you moving in the right direction. A lot of us need that. Look, we’re at the gym this morning. That one guy, I don’t know his name, but he’s so nice. He’s got a baldness, got the little piece of hair right in the middle, You know, talking about the trainer. Yeah, the trainer, Yes, he’s great. He’s there.

00;19;19;24 – 00;19;38;21
Unknown
And look at a lot of the people that he’s training. They’re in good shape. They know what to do. We use an app. We use one of the fitness apps to work out who’s kind of like our personal coach, but he is a coach. He’s there because guess what? When you got to be there at 7:00 on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday morning, and he’s your coach and he’s waiting for you, more likely you’re going to be there.

00;19;38;22 – 00;19;56;02
Unknown
And he’s very passionate about what he does. And just like us, when we when they know they’re going to be meeting with us once a week or more. So if they have a you know, they want to have a more one on ones, that is that is really important. Now, if you cannot afford a coach, which we believe that, how can you not?

00;19;56;04 – 00;20;17;14
Unknown
Because the results are amazing, but if you can’t afford a coach, find somebody else who has a similar goal, maybe has an even another goal, and you can be accountability partners. Yeah, And one thing I like to talk about when I talk about goal setting and accountability is it’s very, very simple as human beings to go back to our primitive brain.

00;20;17;16 – 00;20;50;24
Unknown
And when your goals get challenging, obstacles come at you, you will tend to go to the primitive side of that and procrastinate and maybe said, Well, you know what, let me do it another tomorrow. Tomorrow will happen. That’s my cruise. I’m on the cruise, so I don’t need to worry about my goal. An accountability partner will kind of help you to get rid of this stinking thinking, get back on track with your goals, and stay passionate about what you want and keep yourself in the prefrontal cortex and keep that brain thinking the right way.

00;20;50;26 – 00;21;17;18
Unknown
Yeah, I never tend to surround yourself with like minded people, right? Connect with people who share similar passions because that really motivates you. It supports it, inspire you. It’s you can learn so much from other people that have the same passion. I’ve been taking up golf and I’m in beginners class and I look at the other ladies and I’m like, okay, so I’m not the only one that stinks of this right now.

00;21;17;20 – 00;21;55;18
Unknown
And, you know, they share their experiences and their frustrations. I’m like, okay, okay. So it kind of motivates me to keep going. Really cool stuff. So once you’ve discovered your passion, it’s important to act and apply it to your life, because we all know that when you read something or you watch something on TV, you don’t you’re not going to get the benefits from it until you do something about it, which makes a lot of sense because, you know, a lot of us like to consume a lot of information about what we’re setting goals on, but it’s one thing to read about it.

00;21;55;18 – 00;22;21;09
Unknown
It’s another thing to actually get out and apply it. And that’s where the beauty is. That’s where you sit there. You figure out what you need to do and then you just timestamp it, put it down. This is how I’m going to get there and get up and do it even when you don’t want to. You know, we’re a lot of people that want to be perfect at something before they do it and that’s when you accept that, okay, I’m okay.

00;22;21;16 – 00;22;43;00
Unknown
Let’s say pickleball, I’m not as good as the other people, but I’m ready to get out there and do it anyway. Exactly right. Because. Well, and then you get better at it. Exactly. Well, perfection is for you know, that’s another issue. We could probably do a whole episode about. Right. What does it mean to really be perfect and have perfection means you’re probably afraid of failure, right?

00;22;43;03 – 00;23;07;05
Unknown
So just get out there and do it, whatever it is. Just, you know, make your list, write it down, figure it out, and then just take those baby steps. I think one of the most eye opening things for me was I had was listening to a podcast, and I don’t know who it was, but basically what they were trying to convey was that, you know, that all or nothing mentality.

00;23;07;07 – 00;23;25;27
Unknown
Yes, I have a lot of so with like, hey, if I can’t get into the gym for an hour, I’m not going. Then she was like, But if you do 15 minutes every single day, it adds up. So do 15 minutes. Why not? If you have, all you can do is take a walk, then go for a walk.

00;23;25;27 – 00;23;48;12
Unknown
And I was like, This makes total sense because 15 adds up to another, 15 adds up to. Then you put your hour in, you know what I’m saying? Absolutely. All right. Kind of reminds me of Nike saying it’s pretty popular. Just do it. Every time we talk about it, it gets us more fired up and excited about our own goals and our own passions in our lives.

00;23;48;14 – 00;24;10;29
Unknown
So thanks for listening it out. Did we motivate you? Motivated? What are you going to get passionate about? Well, I think I’m going to get passionate about taking a walk right now with you and holding your hand and talking about the next podcast. okay. Well, we can certainly do that the next episode and we’ll talk to you next week.

00;24;10;29 – 00;24;43;17
Unknown
Absolutely. Everybody. All right, Go find your passion, set your goals, do your writing, and share some wins with us. We love talking to our clients about their wins, so love to share that. And if you want us to share it online, let us know. Yes. Okay, everyone. Okay. Next week. Bye bye. Bye. You have the vision of what you want your life to look like after divorce, but maybe you just don’t know how to get there.

00;24;43;19 – 00;25;17;05
Unknown
So if you’re ready to take control of your life and want to find out more about our coaching, visit us at El Add Dash Coaching Dotcom that’s led as in life after divorce, dash coaching dotcom. Until next time. Have an amazing rest of your day. And remember, yes, you can have an amazing life after divorce.