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Ep. 127 – Influence

If it’s your goal to change your life after divorce it’s important to guard the door to your mind. In this episode we are going to discuss how you might be influenced and by whom. How to protect yourself from unwanted influences and to invite inspiring influences into your life.
If you want to have the most amazing life after divorce, change who you’re influenced by and change who you compare yourself to. And you can end up having a more inspired, more exciting, more amazing life after divorce.


00:00:00 Speaker 1

Hello everyone and welcome to episode 127. If it’s your goal to change your life after divorce, it’s important to guard the door of your mind. So today we’re going to discuss who influences you and what you could do about it. So if you’re ready, let’s get started.

00:00:27 Speaker 2

Are you ready to create a life that’s better than ever before? We are Doreen Yaffa and Jeff Wilson, and we are here to give you the strategies you need to create the life after divorce that you deserve and desire as partners, both in marriage and coaching.

00:00:44 Speaker 2

We use our expertise as well as our own personal experiences to help you make the next chapter of your life the best chapter.

00:00:58 Speaker 1

Hey, Jeff. Hey, how are you?

00:01:00 Speaker 2

Good. I know. Today we’re going to talk about influencers.

00:01:06 Speaker 1

Influencers and how?

00:01:08 Speaker 2

Influencers as in like on on TikTok.

00:01:11 Speaker 1

Well, it could be. Yes. Social media, it could be the people around you or family friends or just who you maybe idealize.

00:01:21 Speaker 2

It’s interesting because I think that a lot of our listeners who.

00:01:26 Speaker 2

Going through divorce or just finished divorce?

00:01:29 Speaker 2

People around them probably had a lot of.

00:01:34 Speaker 2

On what they should do, how they should do it, and all of that and some of our listeners may have been influenced by those, those people and some maybe not so much.

00:01:45 Speaker 2

But I think divorce gives you an opportunity to kind of check in.

00:01:50 Speaker 2

A lot, and one of the things is checking in on who’s around you and what they bring to your life in general and your goals, particularly as you rebuild and restructure your best life after divorce.

00:02:05 Speaker 1

Right. First and first understand.

00:02:07 Speaker 1

Planning what it is that you do want in your future life after divorce and what it is you don’t want, and then see who is influencing what you don’t want and see who is influencing what you do want, and then you can do something about it.

00:02:19 Speaker 2


00:02:22 Speaker 2

I mean I.

00:02:22 Speaker 2

I think as parents at least, you and I, we were aware of this as the kids grew up.

00:02:27 Speaker 2

For the for our new listeners, we have 4 kids around their 20s now, but you know, we were very much involved in who were their friends. And I think our listeners out there that have children will probably, you know, this will resonate with.

00:02:44 Speaker 2

Is that you were concerned about the friends around your children that are not the best influences? Maybe they, you know, don’t get good grades or they’re involved in some behaviors. Maybe, you know, drinking and things like this or skipping school or just acting in ways that we don’t want our children around.

00:03:05 Speaker 2

The same I think holds true for us.

00:03:08 Speaker 2

As adults, who are you surrounding with your? Who are you surrounding yourself with as your role models?

00:03:17 Speaker 1

Right. And they may not be a positive influence on your goals. They may not be a positive influence on your health and you really have to do a conscious decision.

00:03:28 Speaker 1

Do you want to be?

00:03:28 Speaker 2

Around this goes in, you know.

00:03:32 Speaker 2

Or I should say this relates to some of our previous episodes talking about restructuring your life and kind of figuring out after divorce, doing inventory and a lot of different areas of your life, right. Well, this is just one of those niches where those areas where you really want to focus in on and say I just had a conversation.

00:03:53 Speaker 2

With one of my children, one of my children. Your stepdaughter? I won’t say which one, but we’re talking about a friend of hers who has some influences around him that aren’t the best. And how you have to make decisions, you know, as you as you go.

00:04:14 Speaker 2

Along in life as to whether or not you’re going to stay with people that maybe don’t keep you on track, in other words.

00:04:21 Speaker 2

No, no. Like you said, what your goals are, but also understand what your weaknesses are, because if you’re a person, for example, that wants to eat well, right, and you know.

00:04:33 Speaker 2

What that looks?

00:04:33 Speaker 2

Like for you and you’re trying to be.

00:04:35 Speaker 2

In a healthier.

00:04:36 Speaker 2

Lifestyle with regard to eating. Maybe you’re trying to lose weight or.

00:04:38 Speaker 2

Just feel better.

00:04:41 Speaker 2

You probably don’t wanna be around.

00:04:44 Speaker 2

A lot of.

00:04:44 Speaker 2

Food a lot of tempting food, right? Whatever that trigger point is for you. You you don’t bring it into your house. Maybe you don’t want to order it in the restaurant because you’re not going to eat it. You don’t want to be around. Probably people that have these types of foods available. If you feel that that’s something that you’re going to be tempted.

00:05:05 Speaker 2

So it’s it’s knowing what the things are that you want around your life, not only as to help you to motivate you and create the the life you want and the goals you want.

00:05:15 Speaker 2

To reach but.

00:05:16 Speaker 2

Always to think about, well, how is this? Is this person or this situation?

00:05:24 Speaker 2

Going to maybe tempt me into bad behaviors and I’m trying to to get.

00:05:26 Speaker 1


00:05:27 Speaker 1

You know, and you know, I I didn’t really get a chance to tell her last time we were together, but then this goes for anybody out there that that comes across this situation.

00:05:41 Speaker 1

Should be very proud of yourself for standing up for what you do want and and.

00:05:51 Speaker 1

You know, it’s not just standing up for what you want but not confronting, but making sure that the influencer doesn’t, you don’t allow them to influence you in a bad way. You stand up to them, you stand up to them. And I was very, very proud that she did that, and that could be for anybody out there that if you’re around people.

00:06:10 Speaker 1

That they they just don’t jive with what you want in your life and you stand up to them or move on to something else. You should be very proud of.

00:06:18 Speaker 2

Yourself, you have to say goodbye to people as you restructure your life.

00:06:19 Speaker 2

And so.

00:06:25 Speaker 2

Because they just don’t serve a purpose. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love them. It doesn’t mean that you don’t, that you don’t move forward and decide to go a different direction in a kind way. It doesn’t mean that the relationship was a failure or didn’t serve a great purpose for both of you. It just means that you’re on to a different part of your life.

00:06:45 Speaker 2

And you know.

00:06:46 Speaker 2

The way in which you approach that.

00:06:48 Speaker 2

Can be done in in various ways, right? You can have a direct conversation with someone you can just not make yourself as available, meaning you, you’re just not going to put yourself in those circumstances. So if there’s a group of people that maybe you feel are not the best for you moving forward and they invite you out, you just decline the offer.

00:07:08 Speaker 2

Those types of things. So getting into the subject today, what do you?

00:07:11 Speaker 2

Want to talk about? Well, I mean.

00:07:13 Speaker 1

I want to 1st let’s talk about.

00:07:16 Speaker 1

Social media, I think that a lot of the social media that’s out there can be a little bit influencing to others and sometimes give us a false sense of what our life should look like.

00:07:33 Speaker 2

Well, I think that’s marketing in general as well.

00:07:35 Speaker 1

Marketing in general TV commercials.

00:07:37 Speaker 2

You know, if you buy this, you’ll feel like this. If you eat this, you’ll look like this.

00:07:46 Speaker 2

If you take this.

00:07:47 Speaker 2

So your body will transform into this, or you use this makeup or you wear this clothing, I mean, or drive this car. I mean, we can go on.

00:07:55 Speaker 1

And on right, I’m looking up to somebody that I see on TV and I want my life to be just like his.

00:08:07 Speaker 1

Him I’m setting myself up for disappointment.

00:08:11 Speaker 2

Well, first of all, you really don’t.

00:08:12 Speaker 2

Know what their life.


Is like.

00:08:14 Speaker 1

Well, with the way it’s pro trade on TV or the way it’s portrayed on in the media and marketing in the.

00:08:23 Speaker 1

Is is giving me a false sense of who’s influencing me.

00:08:27 Speaker 2

I am confused.

00:08:29 Speaker 1

In other words, if let’s say this person is very intelligent, they have a lot of money and I want to be just like him.

00:08:39 Speaker 2

Well, first of all, how do you know?

00:08:40 Speaker 2

That somebody’s very intelligent.

00:08:43 Speaker 1

Because the media is telling me that, OK, OK, he’s pretty. It’s a portrayal.

00:08:46 Speaker 2

So the first thing is question. What you think the ads are telling you? The social media influencer is is suggesting.

00:08:55 Speaker 1

Exactly what I’m telling people to do or asking people to do out there is be conscious of who you’re letting influence your life because a lot of the people that are out there that you’re looking up to or that you want to be like or what I want to live like, or I want to have my life.



00:09:12 Speaker 1

Like is it?

00:09:14 Speaker 2

Well, of course on and not only that once.

00:09:17 Speaker 2

You get there. Life is.

00:09:18 Speaker 2

A balance of 5050, we all you know, we all inspire to to reach certain goals. But when you reach goals, sometimes you know if you’ve ever reached a goal that you’ve really strive to to get, you’re going to feel good about that goal and you should be very proud of yourself. But then you’re like, wait a second. I lost all that weight or I got that degree.

00:09:39 Speaker 2

And I still feel so great. Like, it’s not going to 100% change your life.

00:09:45 Speaker 2

It’s going to be part of the human experience, which is it’ll be great, but there’s also going to be other stuff going on. Your life. Life is always a balance of good and bad, not necessarily 5050. It just comes and goes depending on what’s going on. Nobody probably knows that more than our listeners who went through divorce, right.

00:10:04 Speaker 2

But I think the whole focus on today’s.

00:10:08 Speaker 2

Episode is to really do an inventory of the people that influence you and and make some conscious decisions on who and why you have these people around you.

00:10:20 Speaker 1

And compare it to what you want and what.

00:10:22 Speaker 2

You don’t want. There’s nothing more motivating for me as an entrepreneur.

00:10:27 Speaker 2

And as a lawyer, to have other business entrepreneurs and or amazing lawyers around me or seeing them in action, right, like when I’m in a courtroom and I can watch a lawyer that is so skilled at the at their trade.

00:10:46 Speaker 2

And to be influenced by their awesomeness, if that makes sense.

00:10:52 Speaker 1

Yeah, of course. It’s we’re not saying don’t be influenced by people. What we’re saying just like you just said.

00:11:01 Speaker 1

Be influenced by people that inspire you, people that make you better people that bring out your greatness, people that you want to look up to, people that are in In Sync with what you want from your life, what goals you.

00:11:10 Speaker 2


00:11:15 Speaker 1

You want and maybe who inspire you to be a better version of yourself.

00:11:21 Speaker 2

As we start the new Year and as we set forth with our goals and what we want to do and how we stay on track to really consider this as part of that, right.

00:11:30 Speaker 1

Absolutely. I mean it is part of growth. It is part of rebirth. It is part of reinventing who you are and the healing process is determining what you want.

00:11:44 Speaker 1

And going for it.

00:11:45 Speaker 2

And it’s also, you know, can be characteristic characteristics, you know, character traits, you know, being around people that for example, I like to be around people that are generous, kind, thoughtful, loving, ambitious, motivating, non judgmental.

00:12:03 Speaker 2

We all know those types of people and we all know the others that are critical and down and unthoughtful or unkind. And you don’t want to be around those people.

00:12:16 Speaker 1

Yeah, self absorbed.

00:12:18 Speaker 2


00:12:19 Speaker 2

So I know it’s a short episode, but I think it’s an important episode and more tips before we let our listeners go on and find the amazing influencers that they’re going.

00:12:27 Speaker 1

I know when I’m up.

00:12:30 Speaker 2

To structure their life to include.

00:12:35 Speaker 1

Absolutely. If you want to have the most amazing life after divorce.

00:12:40 Speaker 1

Change who you’re influenced by and change who you compare yourself to, and you can end up having a more inspired, more exciting, more amazing life around you.

00:12:51 Speaker 2

Absolutely, 100% well said.

00:12:54 Speaker 1

Thank you.

00:12:55 Speaker 2

All right, everybody.

00:12:56 Speaker 1

Well, have an amazing week and we will talk to you next week. Thank you.

00:13:00 Speaker 2

Absolutely. Thank you. Bye everyone.

00:13:12 Speaker 1

You have the vision of what you want your life to look like after divorce, but maybe you just don’t know how to get there.

00:13:19 Speaker 1

So if you’re ready to take control of your life and want to find out more about our coaching, visit [email protected]. That’s La D as in life.

00:13:31 Speaker 1


00:13:35 Speaker 2

Until next time, have an amazing rest of your day. And remember, yes, you can have an amazing life after divorce.

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