Ep. 172 – Happily Ever After

00;00;00;00 – 00;00;29;11
Jeff
Remember when we read fairy tales like Snow White, Cinderella and Beauty of the beast? Each ended with one version or another of they lived happily ever after. Well, today we’re going to be discussing happily ever after. So if you’re ready for episode 172, let’s get started.

00;00;29;13 – 00;01;02;25
Doreen
Are you ready to create a life that’s better than ever before? We are Doreen, Yaffa and Jeff Wilson, and we are here to give you the strategies you need to create the life after divorce that you deserve and desire as partners, both in marriage and coaching. We use our expertise as well as our own personal experiences, to help you make the next chapter of your life the best chapter.

00;01;02;27 – 00;01;07;16
Jeff
Hello, Doreen. How are you? Hello. Looking beautiful, as always. Oh, you.

00;01;07;16 – 00;01;08;16
Doreen
Look so nice.

00;01;08;18 – 00;01;14;22
Jeff
Oh, thank you, thank you. You’re just saying that because I said that. I think. But that’s.

00;01;14;22 – 00;01;14;28
Doreen
Not.

00;01;14;28 – 00;01;18;07
Jeff
True. Okay, so what’s new? Anything new?

00;01;18;09 – 00;01;22;08
Doreen
Let’s see what’s new. I think last time we talked about Samantha moving.

00;01;22;10 – 00;01;23;01
Jeff
Yeah.

00;01;23;03 – 00;01;35;09
Doreen
And for the very first time in forever, we’re going to actually, I think as of now, celebrate, Christmas, the holidays, because we do both Christmas and honey.

00;01;35;11 – 00;01;36;24
Jeff
Yup.

00;01;36;26 – 00;01;37;22
Doreen
Up in South.

00;01;37;22 – 00;01;46;16
Jeff
Carolina. I’m excited. And I say, yes, it is a definite. Yeah. And, we’ve got the reservations and, yes, we’re we’re definitely doing this. Yeah.

00;01;46;16 – 00;02;02;10
Doreen
And the and the kids are all going to come to us and even Sam, of course, their dad, my ex-husband is going to join us. So we’ve, got hotel rooms, and we’re going to have, Christmas Hanukkah at Samantha’s.

00;02;02;10 – 00;02;12;23
Jeff
And the one year we spent, the, the Christmas in New York City, but but most almost ever since I’ve met you, we’ve always spent it at home.

00;02;12;26 – 00;02;20;26
Doreen
Well, you just went right out of my conversation about Sam coming up and all that. You just went right past that.

00;02;20;28 – 00;02;24;27
Jeff
You think it’s when I do that, I think I, you’re done with what you were saying, so.

00;02;25;02 – 00;02;44;13
Doreen
Well, no, I was just because I think for the new listeners that don’t know. Yes. You know, Sam is my ex-husband, and we got married 15 years ago, but Sam and I have three girls together. You have one? That one son. That was 15 years ago. Yes. The 21st is going to be 15 years. You know, we haven’t even spoken about that.

00;02;44;15 – 00;02;46;22
Jeff
Well, we have a little few other things on our mind.

00;02;46;23 – 00;03;14;28
Doreen
But yes, we do. Maybe we’ll share that, but, Yeah. And so this is, you know, having Sam for the very first time because now all the girls are away. They’ve all moved out of South Florida. And Spencer is still here. But okay. So we’re going to go to them because now as they get older it’s more challenging for them to get out of school because Megan is, you know, at at Auburn.

00;03;14;29 – 00;03;19;14
Doreen
Right. Veterinarian school and then, and then the other two are working. Yeah.

00;03;19;14 – 00;03;20;18
Jeff
Boyfriend’s getting into a work.

00;03;20;19 – 00;03;40;25
Doreen
Boyfriend, so, you know, they can’t just come down, like, on spring break and hang out for a week. So I’m a little sad, but I’m always open to trying new things. And anyhow. So anyhow, lesson you can have a decent relationship with your ex, even inviting them to the holidays, believe it or not. But let’s talk about happily ever after.

00;03;40;25 – 00;03;45;13
Jeff
Happily ever after. Not. Yeah. I know, right?

00;03;45;14 – 00;03;46;20
Doreen
That’s not true.

00;03;46;21 – 00;03;52;14
Jeff
Well, I know that in many, many episodes, we have discussed how life is always going to be 5050.

00;03;52;15 – 00;03;53;01
Doreen
This is very.

00;03;53;01 – 00;04;15;05
Jeff
True. There is good, there’s bad, there’s happy, there’s sad. And I can go on and on and on. Yeah. And if that’s true, you’re the 5050 is going to block that illusion that you were fed as a child or even, you know, in today’s world, they still kind of in movies and TV shows with happily ever after.

00;04;15;07 – 00;04;35;13
Doreen
Well, it’s I think it’s not just that. I think it’s you know, we have these thoughts or many of our children are raised or were raised in society to believe still to this very day, although I do think it’s changing right that there’s this happily ever after when you get married or when you, you know, commit your, your life to someone.

00;04;35;13 – 00;04;50;29
Doreen
And the I think what we’re trying to say is the reality is, is there there can be a happy for sure and there can be more happy than not. So maybe we can call that they lived happily most of the time.

00;04;51;01 – 00;04;56;00
Jeff
Right? Yeah. Rest of the time, yes. And every now and then and that’s no, no, no.

00;04;56;05 – 00;05;12;09
Doreen
And I think there are a lot of marriages and relationships that there is more of the happily most of the time than not. And that’s fantastic. And then there’s the ones that are not you know, maybe more in the middle. And then there’s the ones that maybe not so happy. Most of the time.

00;05;12;16 – 00;05;31;04
Jeff
If you think about it, when they when you hear and they lived happily ever after, if you lived happily ever after, there’s really no work to be done. You know, you’ve, true love as it is, is happening. There’s no work. You can just relax and coast in the relationship for the next 50 years.

00;05;31;06 – 00;06;03;11
Doreen
Well, I think happily. Yes, true. I think that that is true, that if every day was happy and great and no issues, no losing of jobs, no going through, you know, tough times, no sickness, no kids with challenges, no bills, can’t be met. You know, all the things that we deal with, if life didn’t have any of that, probably you could live happily ever after, right?

00;06;03;18 – 00;06;26;09
Doreen
Married or not. But I think this whole program or this whole episode, sorry, is about that’s just not reality. And I think that when we set ourselves up for this happily ever after concept, starting from when with children, and believe me, I’m not trying to say that we go back and rewrite all of the Disney movies. Please, no, I understand.

00;06;26;09 – 00;06;56;13
Doreen
I love the concept of, you know, the the whole thing, you know, the happily ever after in the fairy tale sense, in the fairy tale sense and the innocence of young children, mostly girls. But, you know, could be boys still buying into this happily ever after. And it’s it’s sweet and it’s innocent and it’s beautiful. I just think there comes a time that it’s really important, even as parents, that we teach our children.

00;06;56;16 – 00;07;20;26
Doreen
And I have done this with the girls I have, you know that there is no happily 100% ever after, you know, and and I think they get that because they’ve had break ups, right? They’ve had challenges in life. They’ve had difficult relationships within their relationships. They’ve had to make some hard choices in relationships. And they get it. So that’s great.

00;07;20;26 – 00;07;30;11
Doreen
But I but I think there’s others may be out there that the still believe that it’s just like you get married and it’s just going to cure everything.

00;07;30;12 – 00;07;57;15
Jeff
Right, right, right. And, what I’ve, what I have found to be true, or at least in my opinion, is that true relationships, true love, true romance will only happen when you do have 5050, when you deal with the other person’s anger and you deal with the other person. Disappointment and sickness.

00;07;57;17 – 00;08;16;19
Doreen
You know? In other words, what you’re saying is that you you get stronger together as a couple going through challenges in life. I think that there’s a lot of maybe, difficulties in marriages when the challenges come because they will come.

00;08;16;20 – 00;08;17;03
Jeff
Yes.

00;08;17;10 – 00;08;50;08
Doreen
Okay. They come, they come. And how do you and your spouse, your partner deal with that, that tragedy, that issue, that problem. Right. And that, I think, is where marriages start to fall apart. That’s just my personal belief that there become challenges and it’s they they just have, you know, it’s hard to navigate it as a couple. Maybe they have shared different opinions as to how it should be handled.

00;08;50;08 – 00;09;07;05
Doreen
Maybe they blame one person for the problem to begin with. Right? Right. Maybe they’ve just become so unconnected that they just don’t want to try to work it out together. They’re like, nah, I’ll handle it myself.

00;09;07;05 – 00;09;17;08
Jeff
Right, right. Well, I think I think what’s important that, people understand the different, phases. Oh, yeah.

00;09;17;08 – 00;09;18;06
Doreen
We’re going to get we’re.

00;09;18;06 – 00;09;39;21
Jeff
Going to get into that. We’re going to get into that. If they really understand that it’s it’s this challenging in this all encompassing, happily ever after that doesn’t exist, that makes it easier for them to understand that when we’re going through tough times or even if we’re going through a divorce, this is okay. It’s it’s not a bad thing.

00;09;39;21 – 00;09;40;18
Jeff
Well.

00;09;40;20 – 00;10;07;24
Doreen
Look, nobody wants a divorce, right? Nobody goes into a relationship and wants to break up. Nobody wants that. You know? So the reality is, how do you deal with it, right? How do you how do you move forward with any challenge, including if you’ve decided that your marriage is over right? Yeah. I mean, certainly that’s not the happily ever after that you thought about or the happy most of the time.

00;10;07;27 – 00;10;28;23
Doreen
But no, the point for me was just to reiterate was that I think the challenges, the problems, the issues, sicknesses, the things that happen in life that are part of a marriage, you have to deal with it. That’s where some of the breakdown comes, comes to play, you know, into play. But you want to talk about phases. So can you before you jump into it.

00;10;28;24 – 00;10;29;08
Jeff
Okay.

00;10;29;15 – 00;10;35;16
Doreen
Because I, I don’t know, I haven’t I know you gave me some notes and I have them here in front of me.

00;10;35;16 – 00;10;36;10
Jeff
Okay.

00;10;36;12 – 00;10;42;15
Doreen
You know, and we looked at this previously, but that was something that you wanted to talk about specifically.

00;10;42;17 – 00;10;43;20
Jeff
Yeah. Well, I think if you and.

00;10;43;20 – 00;10;45;00
Doreen
We we and I just.

00;10;45;00 – 00;10;46;04
Jeff
Wanted to understand when I.

00;10;46;04 – 00;10;47;07
Doreen
Wanted to know why.

00;10;47;12 – 00;11;00;16
Jeff
Oh, that’s a good question. That’s what I was going to say. Because to understand and how happily ever after doesn’t work is it’s important to understand how relationships do work.

00;11;00;20 – 00;11;02;14
Doreen
You mean how they’re they’re good.

00;11;02;16 – 00;11;04;12
Jeff
Well, how they’re good and bad.

00;11;04;15 – 00;11;04;29
Doreen
Okay.

00;11;05;00 – 00;11;06;22
Jeff
You know, they’re 5050, and they.

00;11;06;22 – 00;11;12;00
Doreen
Go relationships work. How how relationships work generally themselves.

00;11;12;00 – 00;11;12;22
Jeff
Exactly.

00;11;12;24 – 00;11;14;29
Doreen
The flow, the phases.

00;11;15;00 – 00;11;15;18
Jeff
Phases.

00;11;15;23 – 00;11;19;11
Doreen
Now, where did you get this information from?

00;11;19;13 – 00;11;20;02
Jeff
Research.

00;11;20;02 – 00;11;21;08
Doreen
Was it the Googles?

00;11;21;11 – 00;11;47;14
Jeff
It was the Googles and some research. And and looking back at my relationship and some of the, even the boyfriend girlfriend relationships that I’ve had and maybe some of the, experiences that I’ve seen with our children and just in general, understanding the relationships when you when you think of these phases, you don’t have to have specific examples to understand how, oh, okay, that works.

00;11;47;16 – 00;11;53;05
Doreen
Oh, well. And also, let’s remind our listeners that we have a YouTube channel now.

00;11;53;07 – 00;11;53;29
Jeff
Yeah, we did we.

00;11;54;03 – 00;11;58;26
Doreen
We I sorry, I just wanted to to say that as I wave over here.

00;11;58;26 – 00;11;59;24
Jeff
By the camera, I.

00;11;59;24 – 00;12;09;04
Doreen
Meant to mention that in the in the beginning, right in the beginning and I forgot. Okay. So let’s talk. I would love to learn, about these phases. Okay.

00;12;09;05 – 00;12;33;21
Jeff
Well, the first phase is obviously the bliss you know, you’re totally in love. Where did this person come from? Texts every ten minutes. Phone on the phone for hours. Butterfly butterflies or killing you in the stomach. And you just want to tell everyone the whole world, shout from the rooftops that you’re in love, right? That’s that’s the first phase.

00;12;33;21 – 00;12;37;28
Jeff
The blissful phase. The second. Okay. Go ahead.

00;12;37;28 – 00;12;41;19
Doreen
And what do we need to know about that first?

00;12;41;21 – 00;12;44;01
Jeff
Enjoy it while you can. Romance.

00;12;44;03 – 00;12;45;16
Doreen
Romantic. What do you call it?

00;12;45;16 – 00;13;00;20
Jeff
The the blissful. Blissful? Yes. The joy. The is. Did you just say enjoy it while it lasts? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Well, because as every phase, like the phase of the moon and whatever it is, they don’t last. They go away. Right.

00;13;00;26 – 00;13;02;26
Doreen
Well, that’s so sad.

00;13;02;26 – 00;13;27;00
Jeff
I know it is, but it’s if we were in the blissful phase of love and romance all the time, it would be happily ever after, right? And it’s not a reality, right? To understand reality and to understand that what you’re going through in divorce is normal. It definitely helps the healing process. And that’s why I wanted to talk about this.

00;13;27;00 – 00;13;29;04
Jeff
And you wanted to talk about half after me.

00;13;29;04 – 00;13;30;07
Doreen
Let me clarify.

00;13;30;08 – 00;13;30;25
Jeff
Clarify?

00;13;30;26 – 00;13;41;00
Doreen
You know me. I’m a lawyer. So I got to clarify, which is okay. So what you’re saying that in this bliss phase. Yes. Which is the first phase.

00;13;41;01 – 00;13;43;08
Jeff
Yeah.

00;13;43;10 – 00;14;03;03
Doreen
You’re going to experience that most likely. But that’s not going to continue long term. Right? We know that. Correct. But that understanding all of these different phases, how many are there. Three that you’ve come up with. The three phases will help people going through divorce or breakups.

00;14;03;04 – 00;14;29;15
Jeff
Yes. Because because it’s normal. Because understanding that what they’re going through is that me? It is in my spouse is this is normal. Okay. And even though, I mean, yes, 50% divorce is maybe more or less more, maybe more or less. So understanding this is becoming more of a norm than usual, but I just wanted to point it out in this episode.

00;14;29;15 – 00;14;51;26
Jeff
So our people that are going through, our listeners that are going through divorce or experiencing whatever phase they’re going through, right, right. Understand that? Well, wait a minute. Okay. This is normal, right? So I can find happiness, right? Yeah. Okay. Phase two. Yeah. You’re in and out of bliss every now and then. Okay. So what happens is, you know, there’s a.

00;14;51;28 – 00;14;54;18
Doreen
I mean, I’m laughing, but only because.

00;14;54;21 – 00;15;15;25
Jeff
It’s, it’s the it’s the Jeff Wilson explanation of the phases. So what do we call it? In and out of bliss. Well, I mean, you you you get disappointed, you’re still having fun. You’re still sexually attractive to each other. Attracted to each other. Yeah. There’s a there is romance. There’s still butterflies. Every now and then. You may.

00;15;16;01 – 00;15;21;28
Jeff
Oh, wow. I see a flaw. You start to see flaws in your partner that you didn’t know were there.

00;15;22;00 – 00;15;24;13
Doreen
I shouldn’t have eaten that cookie before.

00;15;24;15 – 00;15;40;09
Jeff
I don’t see that cookie. I you. Yeah. But, you know, we all have flaws, right? And when you’re going through that blissful first phase, those flaws don’t go unnoticed. That’s true. So in the second phase, I think.

00;15;40;09 – 00;15;43;07
Doreen
People should slow down in the first phase.

00;15;43;10 – 00;15;45;17
Jeff
Well, okay. You’re getting married. Marital.

00;15;45;21 – 00;15;50;04
Doreen
I think we need to spend more time in the first phase because it’s the best phase.

00;15;50;07 – 00;15;57;19
Jeff
Like we did. Yeah, right. Yeah. But anyhow, go ahead, tell the listeners that are new listeners.

00;15;57;24 – 00;16;05;10
Doreen
You know, we were we got married in four months, right, right. So we went through the well, we were still in the blissful phase.

00;16;05;10 – 00;16;10;02
Jeff
Yes. Okay. Of course. So then what’s wrong? I still am, yeah. I mean, years later, I.

00;16;10;02 – 00;16;14;13
Doreen
Doubt that because I’m the other part of this relationship, remember?

00;16;14;15 – 00;16;20;21
Jeff
Oh. I’m afraid next. I’m afraid to see what phase where.

00;16;20;24 – 00;16;23;17
Doreen
As we reach our 15th anniversary.

00;16;23;18 – 00;16;27;11
Jeff
Okay, well, we’re not in. Okay. Well, okay. Phase three.

00;16;27;13 – 00;16;30;09
Doreen
Oh, boy. Phase three. This is the last phase.

00;16;30;09 – 00;17;05;05
Jeff
The reality phase. Yeah. Okay. This is where you’ve you’ve been. You get disappointed. There’s anger. Yeah. There’s makeup, there’s romance. There’s all the it encompasses everything. Okay? It encompasses every emotion the 5050 has to offer you. Because if you’re 50% blissful, you’re also 50% not so blissful. Yeah. Not blissful, not happy. Yeah. Maybe you’re looking at your spouse as a roommate or you’re looking, you know, you’re angry and they disappoint you often.

00;17;05;07 – 00;17;10;18
Jeff
You know, there’s always that there’s that 5050 there’s got there, you know, and you got.

00;17;10;18 – 00;17;16;07
Doreen
It I got it, yeah. So the third phase is the reality phase.

00;17;16;07 – 00;17;19;00
Jeff
Reality real not reality, but real life.

00;17;19;00 – 00;17;21;09
Doreen
So you don’t have as much bliss.

00;17;21;11 – 00;17;26;15
Jeff
Right. And you grab any bliss you may you may have.

00;17;26;15 – 00;17;27;13
Doreen
But if you have no.

00;17;27;13 – 00;17;29;11
Jeff
Bliss, well, that’s what we’re going to talk about now.

00;17;29;12 – 00;17;30;09
Doreen
That’s called divorce.

00;17;30;09 – 00;17;32;00
Jeff
That’s called divorce.

00;17;32;02 – 00;17;34;18
Doreen
Yeah. Oh is there another phase.

00;17;34;18 – 00;17;37;09
Jeff
No. That’s it. That’s three phases. So it’s time to turn the page.

00;17;37;10 – 00;17;39;14
Doreen
Oh God. Turn the page. Okay.

00;17;39;16 – 00;17;43;00
Jeff
But that does bring us to what does this have to do, a divorce.

00;17;43;01 – 00;17;45;23
Doreen
Okay, well, let’s tie it all together, coach.

00;17;45;25 – 00;17;47;03
Jeff
Okay.

00;17;47;05 – 00;17;49;15
Doreen
I’m waiting with bated breath.

00;17;49;17 – 00;17;59;08
Jeff
Well, as I mentioned earlier, when you understand these phases and you understand that this is normal, right? And life isn’t happily ever after.

00;17;59;08 – 00;18;00;17
Doreen
Every day, right?

00;18;00;19 – 00;18;25;29
Jeff
Or it may not be forever. It’s just not every forever, right? Okay. You have to really work at it. And you’ll understand that divorce necessarily isn’t not a bad thing. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It could be, something that it just happens just like in the storybooks. People, you know, don’t necessarily stay together all the time.

00;18;26;02 – 00;18;52;00
Doreen
Right? Well, we always say that that doesn’t mean the marriage was a failure. That just means that the relationship has run its course. And I like to think of it as, when I went through my own divorce, so personal to me is that I thought, I think it’s time to get divorced when you don’t show up as your best self on a consistent basis, right?

00;18;52;02 – 00;19;15;19
Doreen
Right. And you’re spending a lot of energy and a lot of time focused on the bad, focused on the other person, focused on. And you don’t share the same goals, the same dreams, the same way of getting there. I mean, that’s what I see, and that’s what I’ve experienced, and that’s what I see from my clients. They just are on two different paths.

00;19;15;21 – 00;19;42;19
Jeff
Yeah. Well, like you said in the beginning of the episode, nobody gets married wanting divorce, right? But remember, your thoughts. Create your feelings, okay? And your feelings stem from your thoughts. So if you’re having thoughts that I’m going into this marriage, live happily ever after, that is going to play, it’s going to play havoc on your thoughts when.

00;19;42;26 – 00;19;43;14
Doreen
Things go.

00;19;43;14 – 00;19;45;04
Jeff
This comes around when things go bad.

00;19;45;04 – 00;20;09;16
Doreen
Even when divorce comes around. Where are you? Yeah. If you have a thought that is supposed to be happily ever after, and that’s basically your thought about marriage without understanding that there are it’s 5050, it’s going to be good and bad. Then when bad things happen, you’re disappointed, probably angry, upset. Just a you know, I said disappointed, but you’re not expecting that.

00;20;09;17 – 00;20;30;29
Jeff
Well, even in general, the divorce, you know, situation, the marriages are good and bad. And that’s why when you have your thoughts about your divorce and you look at it that way, you’ll have different feelings that will give you different take different actions that are going to give you more positive results in your life.

00;20;31;00 – 00;20;34;25
Doreen
Yeah, but you know me, I got to break down what you’re saying a little more.

00;20;34;29 – 00;20;35;26
Jeff
Thank you.

00;20;35;28 – 00;21;05;19
Doreen
So I think what you’re saying is that when you’re going through a divorce and you realize that it’s not all happily ever after, that there was good and bad and that that’s just the reality of life, which means it’s the reality of marriage that the divorce doesn’t have to be so, bitter, harsh with so much anger because you have a better understanding of why it got there.

00;21;05;24 – 00;21;08;05
Jeff
Or even just a bad thing doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

00;21;08;05 – 00;21;36;13
Doreen
It doesn’t have to be. Well, I mean, it’s it’s not going to be a happy thing. Okay. No no no no, let’s let’s talk about that for a minute because I think that the you can, you know, in coaching we can accept that something is just negative. It’s just bad. It’s just not supposed to be a good situation like sickness or death.

00;21;36;16 – 00;22;05;19
Doreen
You’re not supposed to feel. Oh, well, you know, this person passed as person died, but there’s a good side to it. No, it can be all bad. Okay. Mostly you can dig deep and say that they had a good life or I have memories of this person, all that, but it’s not a happy thing. And I think we can accept that some things like death, like divorce, like sickness are just sad and they’re bad and there isn’t always have to be a good side to it.

00;22;05;22 – 00;22;08;13
Jeff
Well, I struggled with the.

00;22;08;13 – 00;22;09;28
Doreen
Title of the webinar.

00;22;09;28 – 00;22;10;20
Jeff
Well, let me say.

00;22;10;27 – 00;22;37;23
Doreen
That I hope everybody comes to, because I really want you two to talk about congratulations. It’s a divorce. And when when you came up with the webinar title, we debated about it. Yes, as we often do, which I think is extremely healthy to us as a couple, to us as coaches to see other perspectives, to be open minded, and also to our listeners because they get the benefit of then hearing different perspectives.

00;22;37;24 – 00;23;06;15
Doreen
Right. So I know that the congratulations, it’s a divorce title for the webinar. How does that play into all this? Because we’re talking divorce right now, right? Is because eventually, eventually, what we see as coaches is you get to the other side where you’re not waking up feeling horrible every day, feeling that pit in your stomach, feeling sad, feeling angry.

00;23;06;17 – 00;23;15;25
Doreen
You get there and then your life generally does get much better. Better. So I know that’s where now I understand that’s what the webinar is about.

00;23;16;02 – 00;23;18;07
Jeff
But I also want to explain. But wait, tell me.

00;23;18;09 – 00;23;19;05
Doreen
About the webinar a little.

00;23;19;05 – 00;23;42;23
Jeff
Bit. Okay. Well the webinar congratulations. It’s a divorce. Maybe it’s an oxymoron and maybe it’s a little bit of a play on words, but it’s all about your thoughts. It’s getting to you to create thoughts. That’s saying it’s going to be okay, right? My next life, my next chapter of my life, the next phase of my life is it will be better.

00;23;42;26 – 00;24;05;09
Doreen
And you can also respect what the best things and the great things that you had from your marriage. It’s not an all or nothing you know, so you can say congratulations, it’s divorce is your because of the future and what it’s going to bring that you don’t even know yet. The best is yet to come. But then there’s also the good things from your marriage, and I think you can embrace both.

00;24;05;16 – 00;24;28;21
Jeff
Well, and then again, what I was going to say, because you firmly said that no divorces are happy, no two, you know, they’re all naturally. It might be a minute. Right? If you’re an abusive relation and ship, well, okay. Or you’re just totally there’s no love in your life, okay? And you’re no. The divorce, maybe the divorce itself.

00;24;28;21 – 00;24;52;18
Jeff
The process is. And so great and happy in love. No, of course not. But once you’re divorce, you’re free. Yeah, yeah. This. Yeah. This new life ahead of you. That’s just one example on death. You said nobody’s happy about it. Maybe the person is suffering. I know, and they’re not suffering anymore. But I’m just saying not everything can be, you know, seen in a negative way.

00;24;52;20 – 00;25;08;28
Jeff
It’s 5050. And all I’m trying to say is what the. Congratulations. It’s a divorce. If you have the thoughts that this is going to be a great thing in your future, maybe not right now, but in your future it will be.

00;25;09;00 – 00;25;33;19
Doreen
I understand that, but I think for a lot of people that are going through divorce or thinking about whether they are going to get a divorce, they can’t jump there yet. They’re not ready to be like, oh boy, this is congratulations. That’s all I’m suggesting. They need to take it slowly. They need to process it. They need to feel the sadness.

00;25;33;21 – 00;26;08;17
Doreen
They need to contemplate where they’re going to go. If they’re thinking about divorce, it’s not a good time. And it’s a it’s a very turbulent, emotional time. It’s not, you know, and turbulence of emotions. When you’re in the middle of a divorce, you’re not feeling okay yet. Okay. You don’t see yet the good things. Right? Okay. Or if you’re thinking about divorce or maybe you’re freshly divorced and you’re just instilling that that place of not feeling great.

00;26;08;20 – 00;26;30;05
Doreen
I think congratulations is a big lift. You can’t just think something great and then it’s just going to change you. You’re going to wake up the next day feeling wonderful. It takes time. And I just that’s the only thing I wanted to say is that let’s just be aware of that. It does take time and I think that’s a good thing.

00;26;30;05 – 00;26;39;16
Jeff
Right. And I and I would never promise that it’s something that’s going to happen quick and easy. We all know that it takes time and hard work to get there.

00;26;39;16 – 00;26;40;09
Doreen
Right.

00;26;40;12 – 00;26;51;14
Jeff
So I think we’re weighing too much emphasis on a title of the webinar because, because I think that we I just want to I want to throw it out there that there’s other ways of looking at things.

00;26;51;15 – 00;27;18;05
Doreen
Yes. No, I think the title is very catchy and it’s true. Right. Because because what we see as coaches and what I see as a divorce attorney 30 years is my clients that have gone through the divorce, and then I see them again walking, you know, down the street on Atlantic Avenue in Delray Beach. And they’re with their new husband and their two new children, and they have this a whole new life.

00;27;18;05 – 00;27;33;12
Doreen
Or I see, you know, a couple who I am. For example, I divorced somebody not long ago and they were in their late. She was in her late 70s and she’s remarried and they’re cruising and they’re doing all the things right.

00;27;33;14 – 00;27;36;27
Jeff
That’s why she’s back in the blissful phase. She is. Yeah, it does.

00;27;36;27 – 00;27;54;26
Doreen
And that’s the congratulations. And that’s I think a lot of people will love the webinar because it will really open your thoughts about there is this other part, and you’re going to teach them that. You’re going to show them that. You’re going to explain that when it’s a webinar. Now that we’re talking.

00;27;54;26 – 00;28;03;15
Jeff
It’s January 14th, okay. And I’m hoping to twist my wife’s arm to get this show up and maybe have a little bit of a guest appearance.

00;28;03;16 – 00;28;04;18
Doreen
Yeah, maybe.

00;28;04;19 – 00;28;05;18
Jeff
Maybe.

00;28;05;20 – 00;28;11;07
Doreen
Yeah. But if I don’t, I would love to do a webinar with you in the future, because I think.

00;28;11;09 – 00;28;11;18
Jeff
One.

00;28;11;18 – 00;28;30;16
Doreen
Of the things I think that I want to talk about is getting through the process of divorce. I think that that’s something a lot of people are afraid of when they’re in that confused. Do I stay married or not? Because there’s they have such fear about the process and and there’s so many beautiful, not beautiful. Yeah. I’m going to say beautiful.

00;28;30;16 – 00;28;45;15
Doreen
There’s so many beautiful options available now that take you out of the courtroom and what we call litigation and a cooperative approach, a collaborative approach that, you know, are smart and and you can still remain friends.

00;28;45;18 – 00;29;08;04
Jeff
Just like so many intrinsic. That’s. Yeah. Sam and I so many benefits okay. All right. Well that was a good episode. Thank you very much. Yeah, yeah. All right. So we’ll see you next, in two weeks. Remember, our episodes now are every other week. Yeah. So this one’s going to fall on December 5th okay. Five and. Yes.

00;29;08;06 – 00;29;10;21
Jeff
Okay. Or it might be December 2nd. I think it’s December, so I.

00;29;10;21 – 00;29;12;10
Doreen
Can’t say you got to check now.

00;29;12;10 – 00;29;18;18
Jeff
Okay. Now. Okay. You ready. Sing a song while I check. I don’t know what I’m assuming that’s okay, but it is December 2nd. I remember.

00;29;18;19 – 00;29;21;07
Doreen
Well, it’s the first Monday in December.

00;29;21;07 – 00;29;22;08
Jeff
First Monday of December.

00;29;22;08 – 00;29;23;07
Doreen
Let’s just say it that.

00;29;23;07 – 00;29;25;27
Jeff
Way, okay? All right. Yeah.

00;29;26;04 – 00;29;27;25
Doreen
All right. Have a great night.

00;29;27;28 – 00;29;28;25
Jeff
Bye bye week.

00;29;28;26 – 00;29;30;00
Doreen
And we will talk to you soon.

00;29;30;00 – 00;29;33;02
Unknown
Bye bye.

00;29;33;05 – 00;29;38;03
Unknown
You.

00;29;38;05 – 00;30;00;15
Jeff
You have the vision of what you want your life to look like after divorce. But maybe you just don’t know how to get there. So if you’re ready to take control of your life and want to find out more about our coaching, visit us at Ladd coaching.com. That’s Ladd as in life after divorce. Dash coaching.com.

00;30;00;18 – 00;30;06;21
Doreen
Until next time, have an amazing rest of your day. And remember yes, you can.

00;30;06;24 – 00;30;20;22
Jeff
Have an amazing life after divorce.