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Ep. 174 – Choosing your Battles

Divorce can feel like an emotional battlefield, but the key to surviving and thriving through it is understanding that not every fight is worth your energy. During this episode, we will dive into why and how you can make smarter decisions on what to fight or not fight over during one of the most challenging transitions in your life.

Transcript

Doreen & Jeff, Jeff, Doreen

00:00:00:12 – 00:00:24:00

Jeff
Welcome to life after divorce coaching. Today’s episode is all about an essential skill especially when navigating through divorce. And it’s choosing your battles. So if you’re ready let’s get started with episode 174. Hello. Hello there. Beautiful. How are you? I’m good.

00:00:24:00 – 00:00:36:00
Doreen
So when our listeners hear this Christmas and Hanukkah, I guess Hanukkah will still be going on but Christmas will be over. Hope everybody had a joyous holiday.

00:00:36:00 – 00:00:39:15
Jeff
And what would be coming up would be the big countdown to New Years.

00:00:39:24 – 00:00:53:06
Doreen
Yeah. I always like talking about how to look at divorce in the new year and, you know, maybe relationships that aren’t faring so well. So more of that to come in a few in the next podcast.

00:00:53:06 – 00:01:13:14
Jeff
Yeah. Well, I think that it’s true that a lot of people look at the New Year as a new beginning and, a refreshment or reinventing yourself or a rebirth. And that’s a great time if you’re going through a divorce, to think that way. Right. More of that later. More on that later.

00:01:14:16 – 00:01:44:08
Doreen
Let’s talk about the game. Your battle is rough.I actually suggested this episode because, I was in a mediation with one of our clients, and he was, he was falling into. I’ve got to win every battle kind of thing. And, you know, it’s really important as you’re navigating through the divorce process and working on a settlement. We were in mediation that, you know, it’s not about winning every single thing.

00:01:44:08 – 00:02:09:20
Doreen
It’s about the bigger picture. So, yeah, you know, there’s no question that divorce can feel like an emotional battlefield, for sure. But the key to surviving it is to understand that the fight isn’t worth your energy. Right? So let’s dive into the why and how. So you can make smarter decisions during the most challenging transition time in your life, right? That’s what we’re here to do.

00:02:10:00 – 00:02:30:13
Jeff
Yeah. I mean, you might find yourself arguing over, over just small things that at the moment may seem like they’re big things. But if you look at the big picture, you think, who gets like, for example, who gets the couch? Who gets the microwave? I mean, these are things that are not worth your energy.You spend a lot of time on a lot of energy, right?

00:02:30:15 – 00:03:00:00
Doreen
I mean, I always call them pots and pans. Right? Okay. And I can tell you that most of the time, at least in mediations, when I’m working with a client as a lawyer and the mediation process, we don’t really get down to the personal right, personal items, personal property items like the couch in the microwave or whatever example you want to use for TVs and all that.We don’t talk much about that until the very end. Because why? Why do you think that is?

00:03:00:02 – 00:03:02:00
Jeff
Well, I don’t know. You tell me.

00:03:02:00 – 00:04:10:22
Doreen
Because you’re not worth much. You’re not worth much? No. Used furniture. Used electronics. Used, you know, TVs, all that stuff. All that stuff’s good stuff. Generally, in today’s world it isn’t worth much. In fact, we know because we’ve had to move several times our parents recently. You got you can’t even, you know, give it away right. A lot of it. A lot of it. I’m not talking of course about antiques or valuables like that. But we don’t want to fight about who’s going to get the couch. Right? Right. Exactly. And unfortunately, you know, there’s that emotional, primitive brain. Which we talk a lot about. Right. So we have a prefrontal cortex brain which is the thinking brain. And then we have our primitive brain which is our survival brain. And I want to get you out of feeling bad. And I want to win, fight or flight. All of that is very active in divorce. However, the brain is very, very active.

00:04:10:23 – 00:04:22:21
Jeff
Well, that’s what you meant by an emotional battlefield. Yes. Most people go into the thinking that it’s going to be a battle already in their heads, and that everything that comes up is a battle that they have to win. Right?
00:04:12:23 – 00:04:29:21
Doreen
But I’m talking right now about the primitive brain. Just trying to explain a little bit about that. Okay. Right.

00:04:29:22 – 00:05:03:08
Doreen
Yes. So the primitive brain. Which is our childlike brain. Yes. We have both sides as humans. Is that reactive, I got to win. You know that type of brain as we just said. And it’s very, very active. In divorce. So we need to calm our primitive brain. We need to tell our primitive brain to like, take a little time out and, and think about what we’re doing in the battles that we’re picking from our prefrontal thinking brain.

00:05:03:10 – 00:05:28:20
Jeff
I think it’s all about, when you talk about cost benefit, right. You know, what is the benefit of this fight? What is it going to cost you? Is it worth it? And then analyzing it from that point of view is it’s really not that I’m not worth it. It’s not. It’s not something that I want to spend my energy on or spend my time on or consume my emotional well-being.

00:05:28:22 – 00:06:00:06
Doreen
Right. But the problem that I think most people have, because we’re human, is that we don’t recognize when our primitive brain is taking over. So what I’m suggesting is slow down. Is this couch worth losing the deal over or even worth the energy of thinking about? He wants it. You want it. Let him have it. Choose your battles.

00:06:00:08 – 00:06:26:03
Doreen
Because what we want to try to explain is when you’re looking at what do I choose to fight about? You want to ask yourself certain questions, for example, and talk a little later about this. But what does this mean to me? In five years? Right. Right. So when you think of any issue that you were thinking about, battling about what does this mean to me in five years, will this even be an issue?

00:06:26:04 – 00:06:43:15
Doreen
Will I even care about this couch in five years? Or the microwave? Probably not. Right. In fact, you probably don’t even want to get rid of it. So that’s. That’s what I’m trying to say.

00:06:45:04 – 00:06:51:17
Jeff
Yeah. I mean, the couch may remind you of your marriage. It may do certain things that you want to just eliminate to have that fresh start, that new feeling. And, and just realize it. It’s not worth fighting over.

00:06:51:17 – 00:07:17:19
Doreen
Right? No. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. So the question that we have, for the listeners who are in the middle of negotiating their settlements is, you know, it’s about being a it’s what is important to you. And why are you choosing to fight or to argue or maybe not to give up on a particular item, a particular issue?

00:07:17:21 – 00:08:04:05
Doreen
Is it because of emotions, or is it because it really, is going to make your life better looking forward? Right. So is it financially important to me? Does it have something to do with the children and the timesharing schedule or the shared custody arrangement? So, oh, let me focus my energy there because people will get very bogged down on things that don’t matter because they think about the things that do. So we’re not saying or suggesting that you should back away from, you know, every fight. Absolutely not. That’s not what we’re suggesting. Right? We’re saying be strategic about the things that you do fight for, right?

00:08:05:09 – 00:08:12:07
Jeff
It’s the fight going to bring you a certain type of peace, or is it going to give you some kind of a real change that you’re looking for in the future that’s going to benefit you?Right. You know, or is it just something that you just have to win?

00:08:12:09 – 00:08:45:13
Doreen
Well, and I think there’s a lot of that. You know, I know that I’ve spoken about this before. I believe in various episodes in our podcast. But when I was a very young lawyer, it seems like a million years ago, I remember being in court with this very wealthy client we represented who was, in his 70s and he was a Palm Beach resident, had many, many, many millions.

00:08:45:15 – 00:09:06:23
Doreen
You know, today probably would be billions, right? But they were arguing over a chair. They literally had settled everything else, and they were arguing over a chair. And as soon as we got there, we went to court. The court wanted to have a status conference. In other words, what’s going on? Where are you with the case?

00:09:07:00 – 00:09:30:13
Doreen
Are we going to trial all the things managing their calendar? And we told them, listen, we have settled everything except for this one piece of property. Now, granted, this was a very rare antique chair. Don’t ask me. I don’t know anything about antiques, and I can’t remember. But I know it was very rare, very exclusive, very expensive.

00:09:30:15 – 00:09:51:21
Doreen
And both of them wanted it. Yeah. And, the judge demanded that we go outside and figure it out. He said, I am not going to have a trial over the chair. We have other people here. We have a large docket of people that have other issues more compelling than a chair, even if it is the most amazing chair in the world.

00:09:51:23 – 00:10:23:14
Doreen
They probably don’t even sit in it. But, I mean, think about it from the court’s perspective. They don’t sit in it or the attorneys. No. But think about it from the court’s perspective. They’re dealing with many judges dealing with a thousand cases, and they’re dealing with very serious issues. People that don’t have any children that are in abusive situations that they have to figure out timesharing on, you know, women or men who are financially are, you know, hurting and need relief in the form of support and things like this.

00:10:23:14 – 00:10:45:13
Doreen
And then you’re dealing with a chair. Okay. So what’s important to you may not be as important to the court and to others. And so think of it from the perspective of that also. Yeah. So the judge told us to go outside and now legally, if we didn’t settle the chair issue, which I’m happy to report, we did.

00:10:45:15 – 00:11:08:08
Doreen
If we didn’t settle it, the court would have been required to have a hearing, a trial. Yeah, because we’re entitled to process and to have our case heard. Right. But we settled it because, you know what? We have to be before this judge in other cases too. So. But anyhow, we were able to resolve it, and, you know, nobody was happy with whatever the result was.

00:11:08:08 – 00:11:23:23
Doreen
I can’t recall off the top of my head, I think we sold the chair, I think, because nobody was going to. And, you know, they both wanted it. We just sold it. Yeah, we just sold it. Split it, and nobody got the chair. Nobody got the chair.
00:11:23:43 – 00:11:26:23
Doreen
Well, I think if you decide to let go of the small things and look at the bigger picture.

00:11:26:23 – 00:11:47:03
Jeff
Yeah, I think that, the chair, the microwave, all these things, they just don’t matter if you think about whether you have kids. Right? Your own personal well-being. Well-Being. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it’s just amazing how people will fight over the smallest thing.

00:11:47:03 – 00:12:09:00
Jeff
Yes. So let’s give them some tips, okay? Let’s give you some tips. Ask yourself, like you said earlier, will this issue matter in 3 to 5 years? Really, become a part of you? Is this couch going to even matter to you in five years? Right? You know, I keep using the couch because that’s something that could probably relate to furniture or things that you have to have.

00:12:09:02 – 00:12:31:11
Doreen
But I would suggest that our listeners write down the issues and do the exercise of writing down. Yeah, let’s put three years, five years, ten years and then put it down will it matter then? And then answer the question. The answer is yes or the answer is no. Write down your answer. Why? Even if the answer is no.

00:12:31:11 – 00:12:54:16
Doreen
Because I think it helps to get clarity on why something isn’t important. So when you look at the other issues you can have that you start to train your thinking brain. Oh, I’m thinking from a place of logic, right? I’m thinking I’m getting my brain to move from that present primitive. I’ve got to have this thinking brain.

00:12:54:16 – 00:13:21:15
Doreen
So it’s an exercise in thought work, which is, you know, remember a circumstance, create your thoughts, feelings, actions and results. So let’s talk about this. Can we take a moment to talk about this? So the circumstance would be the couch right. Put anything you want into that line. The circumstance is something that you and your soon to be ex have not agreed to.

00:13:21:17 – 00:13:44:08
Doreen
So maybe it’s a custody arrangement, maybe it’s a couch. Now what happens? You think about it, you sort of thought about it. So the thought is about we have a battle over who’s going to get the couch right again. Put whatever you want in there, and your thought is what your thought might be. Something like, you know what?

00:13:44:10 – 00:14:14:11
Doreen
I deserve this couch, I bought it, I picked it out. I’m the one that cleaned it every. Every week, okay? He never took care of it. He doesn’t even like purple. It’s a purple couch. And, it and and he, you know, it’s just doing this to spite me. Okay, so let’s just say that the thought that you choose for the model is he just wants this couch to spite me.Yeah. Okay. Now what happens?

00:14:14:15 – 00:14:31:05
Jeff
Well, you’re going to have you’re going to have a certain feeling, you’re going to have an emotion that comes with that thought. So what would it be? What emotion might somebody have? And if they have the thought, he just wants this couch to spike. And it’s definitely anger okay. You want to marry about it okay.

00:14:31:05 – 00:14:53:22
Doreen
So when now you have the circumstances. The couch. The thought is he only wants this because I do to spite me. Your feeling is anger. The next part in the model is what your actions are. Okay.

00:14:53:45 – 00:14:57:22
Jeff
Your actions are probably going to fight back because you’re not only angry, but you’re angry at him wanting the couch. So you’re going to want it even more now because you feel you’re right.And I bought it and I picked it out and everything. So the actions are going to be to fight back, right.

00:14:57:22 – 00:15:21:06
Doreen
And probably say something like use all the things. You only want this couch because that is it. Yeah. And then what’s the next part of it? The results. So we have the circumstance, the thought, the feeling, the action. And the result in that is probably what’s going to be what?

00:15:21:06 – 00:15:48:15
Doreen
The same as the thought. Right? Right. Fighting over the couch. The result is the same as the thought. The thought was “he only wants this to spite me”. Okay? The result is that we are further apart.

00:15:48:17 – 00:16:13:21
Doreen
You’re more aggravated with each other. You have more spite against each other. So it just builds that wedge between the two of you. Right? Which is the thought he’s doing this to spite me, to hurt me and your actions, your thoughts, your feelings, your actions are all now buying into that result. Building more distance between you.

00:16:13:22 – 00:16:37:14
Doreen
Right? Right. And the battle continues. Now, I hope that’s clear, because we haven’t gone through the model and one of our episodes in a while. So you should go back and listen to one of our episodes on the model. In our show notes. Jeff, we can put that down. Absolutely. In the description. I will we can put that down there, but you’ll understand more.

00:16:37:14 – 00:17:05:04
Doreen
Now let’s do a different thought model. Okay. Intentional, intentional thought that this is where we go from the primitive brain to the prefrontal cortex. The thought is the same thought, same story, same circumstance. The circumstance is he wants the couch. I want the couch. Right. Okay. The thought that you had was he want only wants to spite me.

00:17:05:06 – 00:17:22:20
Doreen
Okay. Now, this is where all the beauty lives. What could possibly be a different thought? A thought you wouldn’t serve you.
00:17:22:25 – 00:17:28:20
Jeff
Yes, that’s all it could be. He could have the damn couch. I’m going to get a nicer couch. Correct. That would be a great thought. Sure. Why? I never liked that couch on the couch. Anyway, it’s got rips in it, and it was terrible.

00:17:28:20 – 00:17:45:22
Doreen
And it’s purple. It’s purple. I don’t know what I was thinking. Couch. I probably bought that purple couch at that time because I knew he didn’t like purple. I have to take it all right, but no, seriously. So if the thought is now and you got the thought now is he can have he can have the couch.Yes. Now, what is the feeling?

00:17:45:22 – 00:17:49:23
Jeff
The feeling is relief, right. We’re not fighting over the couch and you can have it.

00:17:49:23 – 00:18:09:23
Doreen
And it might be a little bit of like, he won the couch battle, right. But you’re smarter than that, right? Because you have a strategy in place and you’re going to pick your battles. Right. So your thought might be, yeah, he’s still you know, he’s playing this game.

00:18:09:23 – 00:18:19:10
Doreen
He wants everything. But I have a bigger battle in mind. Right? Okay. I’m going to be strategic and smart here.
00:18:19:23 – 00:18:31:10
Jeff
Well it’s almost like the old saying, you know, he may have won the battle, but I’m going to win the war, right? You know, in other words, it’s such a minor thing that in the big picture, you’re the winner because you took the high road.

00:18:29:10 – 00:18:52:00
Doreen
What you. Yeah. Winning the war is more important than the battle. Exactly. The bigger picture is on the right. Yes. Okay. So now when you have this thought, he can have it. I don’t like it. Anyhow, I’m thinking about bigger issues. I’m putting my energy into bigger thoughts, bigger future. Now what is your action?

00:18:52:02 – 00:18:52:05
Jeff
Well, my action is to probably let him have it correct and start looking for a new couch.Right. And the result is there’s no more battle.

00:18:52:06 – 00:19:08:18
Doreen
The result is also that you’re starting to move into a place with your ex where you’re settling your issues, even if it’s something as silly as the purple couch. And you know what the other thing is? Did I agree with you? Yes. Okay.

00:19:08:20 – 00:19:31:17
Jeff
Yes. You’re moving into settlement. You’re moving into healing, but you’re also knowing that you had took the higher road. That is a big, sense of empowerment as well. Where do you want to take it? Definitely empowers you. So you took the power to win the battle, correct? You get the winning in the battle. Yeah.

00:19:31:25 – 00:19:39:17
Doreen
So I think doing the exercise I like to do the three to 5 to 10 years, will this really matter to me, to my life, to my kids, to my future or to my happiness, to my energy level?

00:19:40:19 – 00:19:55:13
Doreen
You can put all the reasons why in three, five, ten years and you write this out. It’s very helpful. The next thing is, and we kind of are saying it is what? Focus on the big picture, right?

00:19:55:19 – 00:20:04:13
Jeff
I love the habit and the seven habits of beginning with the end in mind. Correct. So if you’re thinking about the end and you’re beginning with that end, then you become more strategic.

00:20:04:13 – 00:20:32:15
Doreen
Yes, 100%. Yeah. It’s hard to be strategic when you’re going through divorce. I’m going to tell people right now it’s just hard because again, that primitive brain, that reactive mindset that is there to fight to protect yourself, to, you know, you’re scared of there’s so much going on. But looking at that bigger picture, what does this really matter to me, you know, how does this really affect my life?

00:20:32:17 – 00:20:39:10
Jeff
Yeah. Listen to your attorney. I know, but what I’m saying is, when you’re being strategic, okay, if you’re thinking about the big picture and you’ve come up with a plan, make sure you’re focusing on that big picture with your attorney.

00:20:39:17 – 00:20:52:10
Doreen
Well, we’re not there yet. Well, that was something else I wanted to mention.

00:20:52:11 – 00:21:12:03
Doreen
So now we’re going to move into the attorney’s advice. Here’s something I battle with all the time with Mike, not battle. That’s just a word we’re using right now.

00:21:12:03 – 00:21:51:01
Doreen
But we have. Challenging conversations with clients about what is and what you’re entitled to as a matter of law versus what you’re entitled to, let’s say, as a matter of what’s right. Okay. And the law and what you believe is right is not necessarily aligned. Okay. I’ll give you an example. You worked really hard during the marriage.

00:21:51:03 – 00:22:19:01
Doreen
You built your career. You were very responsible financially. You did all the things that you’re supposed to do. You follow the advice you saved, you didn’t rack up credit card debt, etc. your spouse is financially careless. He or she just doesn’t save money. Racks of credit card debt. It’s been a contention of yours an issue in your marriage for a long time, right?

00:22:19:03 – 00:22:43:14
Jeff
So what’s more, the example would be that to you that might have a little bit of, what’s the word? So, so you’re feeling a little. No, I was just going to say you’re feeling a little bit uneven. And no balance with. I’m trying to think of the word that you’re thinking “hmmm”.

00:22:43:16 – 00:23:08:11
Doreen
I’m setting up the scenario. So the scenario is that you have one person that is financially responsible, one not so much right now in Florida and in many states, title doesn’t matter. So whatever the assets are, whatever the savings were, whatever the retirements and whatever the debt is, no matter how it’s titled, it’s all considered part of the marital pot.

00:23:08:13 – 00:23:30:15
Doreen
Divorce is happening, and the person that was financially responsible says, you know what? I shouldn’t be responsible for all this debt. I didn’t rack this up. I wasn’t even aware of it. Okay, now there might be some legal wiggle room there, but let’s assume for it. You know, I wasn’t really paying attention. Yes, I know you know, I had access to the account, but I never really looked at it.

00:23:30:15 – 00:23:55:06
Doreen
I trusted him or her. And now why should I be responsible for half this debt? It doesn’t sound right. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. And you know what? For many people out there, they’re listening to this. They say, you know what? That’s true. It’s not fair. But legally, in Florida, it’s the law that no matter how it’s titled, it’s considered a marital debt.

00:23:55:08 – 00:24:34:17
Doreen
And so it’s subject to a 5050 split that doesn’t sit well with people. You know, I understand that that’s just one example, of course, but listen to your lawyer to pick your battles, because if your lawyer is telling you legally you don’t have any grounds to move forward on it, then don’t battle it. It’s a battle you’re going to lose, and you can’t think that your lawyer is going to go into a mediation or settlement conference and be able to somehow get the other side to agree that he’s going to take on all the debt for an example, because the other side knows also legally that you got to pay half of it.

00:24:34:17 – 00:24:52:20
Doreen
You see what I’m saying? So it may sound fair, it may sound right, but legally it’s not going to fly. And it’s hard to hear those things. But you got to pick that battle. You got to know this is not a battle that well, you’re not a battle. You got to pick that battle, meaning not pick that one.

00:24:53:02 – 00:25:13:10
Doreen
Right? And then put that battle aside and put that energy somewhere else and just chalk it up. Chalk it up for experience. Chalk it up for next time. I won’t do this. Chalk it up for maybe I want to have a prenup next time. Where all the debt and all the liability, no matter how it’s titled, it’s going to be mine is mine, yours is your joint account.You know what I’m saying? Like, think about it just as a learning experience. Right? Okay.

00:25:13:10 – 00:25:43:04
Jeff
The next one, I think the last thing that we were talking about is your well-being. You know yourself. Well be right. You know, the fighting is is so draining on your your emotional being. And that weighs so heavy on your shoulders that the decision not to battle over some things is how have you take the higher road, like I said earlier and and give you that empowerment feeling. But you have to you have to kind of consider your you don’t have to, but you should consider your mental health.

00:25:43:04 – 00:26:07:05
Doreen
Right. So is that the next thing that you want to give advice on? Let’s think about the battle also is the time and energy you’re going to put into something the cost benefit, right. Because your emotional health, your children’s emotional health, moving on with your life does have a price to it, right?

00:26:07:05 – 00:26:35:12
Doreen
It does have value in it. And so it’s not just picking battles that financially makes sense, right? It’s also picking battles that make sense to your overall health, including your emotional health. Right? You may get an extra few bucks, you know, fight for support. For example, Hey, fighting for an extra couple hundred dollars a month, just a lot of people may make or thousands even may make a big difference in their life.

00:26:35:18 – 00:26:59:07
Doreen
But think about that has to also like if it’s a couple hundred dollars, is it really worth it? Right? Is it really worth it? Or do I just chalk it up? I’ve done the best I can of that. Yeah. I mean, you’re going through a challenging time and we know that. And I think that when you decide to take the higher road and you say there’s no my health is more important and, you know, that’s when you start choosing.

00:26:59:12 – 00:27:24:08
Jeff
I mean, that choosing is an important part of the subject because it’s up to you. It’s your choice. So you’re choosing which battle to fight for, and not everything is a fight. You don’t have to fight just for the sake of fighting.

00:27:24:10 – 00:27:46:10
Doreen
No, let me just say one other thing and then we can close it up. There are battles that are worth fighting in divorce, for sure. We’re not suggesting that you can see everything. No. You shouldn’t. There are battles worth fighting if you know. And you’ve got to know what that is by knowing your legal rights. What is it going to cost me to go to trial, both money wise and emotionally? Right. But there are battles that you have to take the odds on, and sometimes you just can’t settle them and you go to court.

00:27:46:12 – 00:28:10:23
Doreen
I’ve had cases where many millions of dollars are at stake, let’s say the value of a business. And one expert says the value is million dollars, and the other expert who’s going to come in and testify says it’s worth $2 million. Well, probably worth fighting that battle, right? Because $1 million swing, 500 in each party’s pocket or not, depending on which value makes a huge difference.

00:28:10:23 – 00:28:30:21
Doreen
And the cost of the trial costs a lot less typically than that. So it would make sense just to make sure that you understand legally. Do I really have a good chance to win this? And that’s a conversation you should have with your lawyer. But assuming that everything is in check, the expert’s advice or their evaluation is correct. And you understand what it takes to get to trial and you take those battles.

00:28:30:22 – 00:28:49:10
Jeff
I also think that putting it in a judge’s hands, you’re not sure which way he’s going to decide?

00:28:49:22 – 00:29:05:10
Doreen
Sure you are. And maybe, well, you know that from your lawyer. Not in that example. With the two experts and a business being valued, where one says, one expert says a million bucks, when the expert says 2 million, no one knows which expert’s opinion the court’s going to take.

00:29:05:13 – 00:29:27:05
Jeff
Yeah, I mean, I meant more in general, when you’re choosing a battle over something, you’re putting it in somebody else’s hands to make a decision versus trying to work it out for yourself.

00:29:27:07 – 00:29:46:06
Doreen
Well, that’s another issue. Yes. And think about that. Because also, and I know that this episode might be a little convoluted. So please always just reach out to us. You need clarity on this. We touched on something that’s kind of resonating with you, but you need a little more. Come and talk to me. You know, I’m a Florida divorce attorney at Yaffa Family Law Group. You can find us, and you can come have a consultation. If it’s about the coaching aspect and the emotional aspect of it.

00:29:46:08 – 00:29:56:12
Doreen
Jeff really does more of the coaching. Right? So I understand this is a little convoluted, but yeah, you, what was the point you were trying to make?

00:29:57:08 – 00:30:10:12
Jeff
Well, I think that when you have the choice, to choose your battles, then it’s still your choice, right? When you hand it over to the judge. Right? Losing your choice 100%.

00:30:10:15 – 00:30:34:12
Doreen
Sometimes you’ve taken it as far as you can, like with the valuation of the businesses. Right. There’s nothing more. You can do it. You’re at a deadlock. You tried splitting the difference with the other side. They’re not buying it. You go to court on those things. But think about it also that the judges are limited on what they can do within the scope of the law, so they don’t have wiggle room.

00:30:34:14 – 00:30:58:19
Doreen
They can’t be creative with taxes and how you’re going to finagle, you know, that’s just one example. But how are you going to finagle the settlement of the settlement so that it is advantageous to both parties? Even if they can’t do that many times. So if you can resolve issues and be creative, you can actually be in alignment with your soon to be ex.

00:30:58:21 – 00:31:20:05
Doreen
That’s going to save everyone money, everyone, every benefit, both sides benefit everyone and put more money in your pocket unless you know to the government and less to the lawyers. So that’s a beautiful thing as well. That’s right. Yeah. All right. So I think that’s it. You know, thank you for tuning in to this episode of Life After Divorce Coaching.

00:31:20:07 – 00:31:38:04
Jeff
Well, I think that when you have the choice, to choose your battles, then it’s still your choice, right? When you hand it over to the judge. Right? Losing your you’re losing 100%. And I hope today’s conversation resonated with you. And you have a little bit more clarity over, you know, your mindset when you’re choosing your battles. And remember, you’re not alone. You’re not alone. There’s always support when you need it. Yes, there is. All right, everybody, have an amazing week and we’ll talk to you in a few.

00:31:38:04 – 00:31:40:13
Jeff
We’ll talk to you soon. Bye bye.

00:31:40:13 – 00:32:06:06

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