00;00;00;00 – 00;00;31;06
Doreen
Hi everyone. Today we’re going to talk in episode 189 about the primitive brain versus the prefrontal cortex and how to understand and use your brain to get you through the divorce and on to your best life. So if you’re ready, let’s get started again with episode number 189. Hey, Jeff.
00;00;31;08 – 00;00;32;25
Jeff
Hello, Doreen. How are you?
00;00;32;26 – 00;00;35;08
Doreen
Good. You’re looking nice today.
00;00;35;10 – 00;00;37;03
Jeff
Oh, you’re looking beautiful as always.
00;00;37;04 – 00;00;42;26
Doreen
Oh my goodness. Listen, after almost 16 years, I guess we still find each other attractive.
00;00;42;29 – 00;00;46;11
Jeff
Actually, I’m more attracted to you now than I’ve ever been.
00;00;46;13 – 00;00;47;25
Doreen
You just want to get lucky.
00;00;47;29 – 00;00;51;23
Jeff
Ooh, is that my primitive brain speaking?
00;00;51;25 – 00;00;53;13
Doreen
Probably. Probably. Yeah.
00;00;53;14 – 00;00;55;01
Jeff
That was your primitive brain.
00;00;55;01 – 00;01;20;08
Doreen
Yeah. So, you know, a lot of times we talk about the the brain. Yes. Not that we’re scientists or a school that in any way. But from our, certifications as life coaches, we learned about the primitive versus the prefrontal cortex, part of the brains, and how we can learn to understand our thoughts, control our thoughts. To some degree, and to start to use our thoughts in a more positive way.
00;01;20;10 – 00;01;44;00
Doreen
So last episode, which was episode number one, 88, about, how to use the divorce, well, how to use the divorce as a catalyst, right. You know, to move into your best life kind of, discussion was what we had. We focused a little bit on the brain, and so we thought we would talk about it today.
00;01;44;06 – 00;02;08;15
Jeff
Yes. And I think that our listeners, because they are our listeners to life after divorce coaching, we’re not trying to bore them with science. Science and brain talk and how the brain works and functions. But it it is nice to understand how you can control your thoughts, control your brain to benefit your future.
00;02;08;16 – 00;02;32;00
Doreen
If you want to get the results that you want. You really. This episode is for you. Just get getting some foundational background on how that works and why some people are able to reach goals. Likely easier and it appears without a lot of work. Although it does take a lot of work to reach goals and others kind of stumble around and stay stuck.
00;02;32;02 – 00;02;53;28
Doreen
So understanding this is important as you navigate past the divorce and onto your best life. Right. Because we all want to just be happy. Isn’t that the goal. But also realizing that life is a balance of 5050. Right. So you can strive for happiness, but acknowledging that life is going to be good and bad, that’s just the way it is, because you can’t control the world.
00;02;53;28 – 00;02;58;13
Doreen
And a whole lot of us think we can. Me being one of the control freaks in the world, right?
00;02;58;16 – 00;02;59;28
Jeff
Yes, but we can’t.
00;03;00;02 – 00;03;16;29
Doreen
And so realizing that life is both good and bad, there is a flip side of everything. There is a there is this, you know, opposites that blend in our world together, in our life. And we talk about that a lot in mediation. I’m sorry, mediation, meditation and Yang.
00;03;16;29 – 00;03;17;13
Jeff
Yang.
00;03;17;18 – 00;03;21;25
Doreen
Being in the yang and all the things. So, Jeff, I know that you love science.
00;03;21;26 – 00;03;22;24
Jeff
I love science.
00;03;22;24 – 00;03;35;16
Doreen
And so why don’t you give us kind of a little background about what the primitive brain is versus the prefrontal cortex? And this is all from our Google search? Yeah, the Google search, of course, AI helping us along the way.
00;03;35;18 – 00;04;10;05
Jeff
Well, the primitive brain, or better known as the ancient brain, structures like the brain’s stem, lymphatic sense system, your basal ganglia. And I’m again, I’m using, you know, words from the, from the Googles, but it basically, boils down it operates on largely on automatic. You know, you’re blinking your breathing, your, your sometimes your, your emotions that come from nowhere and they’re basically almost habitual.
00;04;10;07 – 00;04;20;24
Doreen
Right? It drives fast. It’s habitual. It’s sometimes impulsive. And it’s critical in early human evolution, it was critical.
00;04;20;26 – 00;04;21;06
Jeff
Yeah.
00;04;21;06 – 00;04;27;09
Doreen
What gave people time survival. Right. You had to react fast or else you got eaten by the.
00;04;27;10 – 00;04;28;12
Jeff
Saber toothed tiger.
00;04;28;12 – 00;04;34;07
Doreen
Yeah, exactly. But I wanted to. Also, if I can just interject for one second. Not that I ever do that.
00;04;34;08 – 00;04;35;24
Jeff
Never.
00;04;35;27 – 00;05;05;11
Doreen
I it’s the lawyer in me. Okay? The primitive brain primarily manages basic survival functions, instinctual behaviors, and emotional responses, whereas the prefrontal cortex governs higher order cognitive abilities such as planning, decision making, impulse control, and social behavior. Behavior. The prefrontal cortex acts as the brain’s executive center. I like it like that’s why you. That’s why.
00;05;05;11 – 00;05;06;05
Jeff
You love it so much.
00;05;06;06 – 00;05;26;28
Doreen
Right? Yes. Enabling complex goal directed behaviors and regulation of emotions by exerting top down control over the more automatic primitive brain regions. So you gave us a nice little background on the primitive brain. Let’s talk about the scientific part of the preferred mental cortex.
00;05;27;05 – 00;05;52;15
Jeff
Yeah. And I thought you just did that. But you know it’s the prefrontal code. Cortex is located in the frontal lobes mostly is something that the part of the brain that has evolved the most, the largest portion of the human brain responsible for executive functions, including reasoning and planning, decision making, goal setting, and, and emotional work.
00;05;52;15 – 00;05;56;14
Jeff
You know, being able to work on your emotions comes from that prefrontal cortex.
00;05;56;14 – 00;05;58;26
Doreen
Well, control that, right. Impulse control.
00;05;58;28 – 00;06;06;25
Jeff
Absolutely. And most of it reach reaches maturity around 25 years old. Right. Some people later.
00;06;06;28 – 00;06;08;13
Doreen
We won’t mention any name.
00;06;08;14 – 00;06;09;09
Jeff
That’s going to mention.
00;06;09;09 – 00;06;11;13
Doreen
Anything. Well, at least we use that as an excuse.
00;06;11;14 – 00;06;12;18
Jeff
Yes.
00;06;12;20 – 00;06;40;09
Doreen
But it develops more slowly than our brain than other brain regions reaching maturity, like you said, at 25, allowing for nuances, cognitive control over impulses and emotions originating from the primitive brain. So it’s really your human unique part of your brain that is able to to to be successful, to reach goals, to do all the things and they interact together.
00;06;40;10 – 00;06;54;15
Jeff
Yeah, definitely the primitive brain and the prefrontal cortex form a dynamic system where the mature prefrontal cortex provides control and oversight of the primitive brain’s automatic functions.
00;06;54;15 – 00;06;55;04
Doreen
Right.
00;06;55;07 – 00;07;11;04
Jeff
So imagining functioning just with your primitive brain, and you’d be back in the caveman days, like you said, you know, it enables humans to adapt to complex environments and situations regulating basic impulses.
00;07;11;04 – 00;07;43;06
Doreen
Well, and I think that is important also to know that under stress or certain conditions like divorce, prefrontal cortex functions are critical for mature. Right. So not being a child like brain, sometimes people refer to the prefrontal cortex as like the adult brain and the primitive brain as like the monkey brain. You hear from time to time, people and, you know, gurus and people talk about it like, this is the child like brain, right?
00;07;43;08 – 00;08;12;03
Doreen
So so that’s some background on that. Now, why is this important? Why is it important just to have some background? Well, you can take with it what you want, but you have this if you are human, which you are listening to this podcast, you have as long as everything is functioning well in your brain and you haven’t had any, injuries, accidents, illnesses, diseases that affect this, which does happen.
00;08;12;05 – 00;08;39;03
Doreen
But let’s assume that is not the case for the purposes of this episode. Now what do we do with it? How do we use our beautiful prefrontal cortex to help us to get past the divorce and on to our best life? How do we use it? Well, let’s talk about that. The first thing is, understanding it right isn’t mostly.
00;08;39;05 – 00;08;48;03
Doreen
Most often, the first thing in any change is awareness. Acceptance, understanding, love. All the things.
00;08;48;05 – 00;08;50;02
Jeff
You know, we talked about last night, about.
00;08;50;08 – 00;08;51;06
Doreen
Last night, last.
00;08;51;06 – 00;09;12;08
Jeff
Episode, the last episode about your active prefrontal cortex in your active primitive brain. So I think being aware of how active those parts of your brain are can help you to understand what you’re dealing with when you want to control your emotions and control your goals.
00;09;12;11 – 00;09;39;24
Doreen
And I want to take it one step further if I can, which is think about what you want the goals of your life to be. You know where I think about that. So if you want the goal to be finding a new job, for example, okay, or losing 10 pounds or whatever it is, right? Let’s just say finding a new job.
00;09;39;26 – 00;10;04;02
Doreen
That’s a that’s a prefrontal cortex thought, right? It’s a goal. Thought. And now what’s going to happen is as you strive to get there, right. To determine my I got to get a new job. That’s the end result or I want to get a new job, a new career. Now you can reverse engineer it and you can start to figure out what do you need to do to get there.
00;10;04;04 – 00;10;28;09
Doreen
Well, one of the things you might need to do is just sit down and figure out what you need to do. That is a prefrontal cortex that is a higher functioning executive brain function that requires sitting down, mapping it out, and maybe brainstorming about the things you have to do. I got to update my resume. I have to update some licenses.
00;10;28;11 – 00;11;04;07
Doreen
I might have to look at what type of jobs are available in the marketplace. I might want to check into salaries and what type of task or requirements there are in a particular position. All these things. Now what happens is you know what you need to do to get there. You have to do all these things. But the primitive brain comes in and when you wake up tomorrow morning after you wrote down all these things you have to do, your primitive brain comes in and it says the following kids are upset today.
00;11;04;09 – 00;11;25;24
Doreen
I don’t feel so good. The weather outside isn’t very nice. I remember that I had some leftovers from last night’s dinner. It was really good. I could probably eat that right now. You know, there’s a Netflix series I’ve been wanting. Series I’ve been wanting to jump into, and it goes through all these things and gives you reasons why there is so much better.
00;11;25;24 – 00;11;30;13
Doreen
There are so many better things to do than to get on it right. That resumes are.
00;11;30;14 – 00;11;30;27
Jeff
Better.
00;11;31;01 – 00;11;56;16
Doreen
Right? Well, your primitive brain thinks I’m better. They’re better because sitting there and writing your resume, updating your resume, it takes thought, effort, intelligence, prefrontal. But it’s much easier to just go sit on the bed, on the couch with a bag of chips and a glass of chardonnay, and just watch the latest series that you want to watch doesn’t require.
00;11;56;16 – 00;12;03;16
Jeff
That’s because the primitive brain will not only protect you, but it’ll always steer you to what’s easiest, the.
00;12;03;16 – 00;12;04;04
Doreen
Least.
00;12;04;06 – 00;12;15;15
Jeff
The least effort, effort the easiest. What’s going to help you just relax and stay calm and not get angry, not get emotional, not get upset, not get well.
00;12;15;15 – 00;12;16;14
Doreen
Know the problem.
00;12;16;17 – 00;12;17;19
Jeff
With anything, right?
00;12;17;19 – 00;12;18;03
Doreen
It wants.
00;12;18;05 – 00;12;20;04
Jeff
It’ll give you the easy road.
00;12;20;07 – 00;12;39;19
Doreen
It gives you the easy road. When you’re trying to reach a goal. That’s true. But it also can be the primitive brain, that emotion that you react to something your ex right to a tax. It’s a nasty tax. Or maybe you perceive it as a nasty tax, right. Because somebody else could see the words and going in not so bad.
00;12;39;21 – 00;12;55;20
Doreen
But your primitive brain is is going in and telling you all the horrible things just because of a text and you react, maybe you shoot back the next nasty text. Now you’re in a tax war, right? So why is it important to understand the difference?
00;12;55;22 – 00;13;06;15
Jeff
Well, it’s important because this way you have control of what you want, right? You have better control of your future, better control of your emotions, better control over the results that you want in life.
00;13;06;15 – 00;13;19;09
Doreen
Right? So why would we want or not want to use our prefrontal cortex all the time? More of the time.
00;13;19;12 – 00;13;27;01
Jeff
Because that ice cream is good and because and the the sheets on a cold, rainy day are so.
00;13;27;01 – 00;13;29;00
Doreen
Good you don’t want to get out of bed.
00;13;29;01 – 00;13;29;09
Jeff
Yeah.
00;13;29;09 – 00;13;57;07
Doreen
So because of all the things that it tells you, that I’m telling you right now are so convincing. So when you’re going through divorce, when you’re on the other side of it, you know, this is a time where your prefrontal cortex really, as the executive CEO of you, needs to come into play, and we need to elevate that, and we need to push down the primitive brain because it is very active, more active when you’re going through stress and divorce.
00;13;57;07 – 00;13;57;15
Jeff
Yes.
00;13;57;15 – 00;13;59;08
Doreen
Well, divorce is stressful.
00;13;59;10 – 00;14;10;22
Jeff
So I mean, it could be moving. It could be a death in the family. There’s there’s a few things that are very stressful in life that where your primitive brain can be extremely, more active than normal.
00;14;10;24 – 00;14;17;12
Doreen
Yeah. And I think that there’s a lot of things you said a few things I’m going to say that life in general, you just turn on the news.
00;14;17;16 – 00;14;18;06
Jeff
It’s pretty. Yeah.
00;14;18;06 – 00;14;18;20
Doreen
You know.
00;14;18;20 – 00;14;20;22
Jeff
Today it’s very easy to be that.
00;14;20;22 – 00;14;24;22
Doreen
Way. Right. And you’re going to see, you know, it’s very easy to get into primitive brain mode.
00;14;24;24 – 00;14;34;25
Jeff
But you know, when you’re aware of it though, when you were aware that you have an active, primitive brain, I think that is the first step to controlling the active ness of it.
00;14;34;28 – 00;14;59;05
Doreen
Well, let’s let’s say this. Do you want to listen? If you just want to be where you are today and maybe you don’t have a lot of goals, then own that and just acknowledge that and that’s then turn us off right now, respectfully. But you don’t you this episode is then not for you. You can just, you know, live in that space and accept that and just be that is part of your being.
00;14;59;07 – 00;15;09;00
Doreen
But if you really, really want to quickly try to move out of this divorce, get out of the pain, get on to your life, it’s really important that you do this, that you really understand it now.
00;15;09;03 – 00;15;26;25
Jeff
And I think before you go on, I just what you just said, I think it’s important that we share we’re sharing this with our listeners because we have experienced both things. We’ve experienced the negativity and and we’ve experienced the positivity and we like where we’re going.
00;15;26;27 – 00;15;29;00
Doreen
So what do you mean we like we do.
00;15;29;01 – 00;15;35;01
Jeff
What we do. We coach, Pete, we coach, but we coach because it works and.
00;15;35;03 – 00;16;12;14
Doreen
It does work. And it’s not just for divorce. This is the I would say that most of the, things that we teach as coaches are apply, apply to life in general. Right? Definitely. We’re just using the divorce and and you use your situation from the divorce as where we happen to focus in our coaching. Because me being a divorce attorney, a family law attorney, and our experience with divorce and all the things now, this all started this this episode started because we were having dinner.
00;16;12;16 – 00;16;42;19
Doreen
Yes. And I was saying, you know, I think that that it’s interesting to recognize when you have when anyone has a more active prefrontal or primitive brain, you know, like which one is more active for you. And so if you’re that may be a place to start, like if you find your goals not being rich or you’re not completing projects or you’re not getting anywhere, probably your primitive brain is, well, not probably your primitive brain is taking.
00;16;42;21 – 00;16;43;12
Jeff
Over.
00;16;43;14 – 00;17;09;28
Doreen
Me. I have the opposites issue. My prefrontal is very active, but two active. Well, I don’t know about two active because your prefrontal can. Also what I lack is the ability to be in the present moment the the ability to really embrace today, this day, this moment. Right now, I’m always thinking about tomorrow and what can I do to reach a goal.
00;17;10;00 – 00;17;17;22
Doreen
And so I spend so much time in my prefrontal goal setting that I, that I tend to not enjoy moments. Now I am working very hard on that.
00;17;17;28 – 00;17;35;00
Jeff
Well, well, here’s also another thing to consider time and a place. You know, there is a time and a place where your prefrontal cortex being a major thing is, is the appropriate thing. Right. And there’s times when the prefrontal is not.
00;17;35;04 – 00;17;35;28
Doreen
Exactly.
00;17;35;29 – 00;18;02;13
Jeff
Okay. So being aware of where you’re at right now and where you should be at right now is probably the key to understanding right now. My my primitive brain is way too active. I need to focus on my prefrontal cortex or vice versa. Getting ready for a meeting or I’m working on my goals or something like that. And there’s times when I’m out having a good time, you know, hiking in North Carolina where my permanent brain is great and should be more active.
00;18;02;16 – 00;18;35;27
Doreen
Well, but you’re I think for me, my my prefrontal cortex of learning how to relax, enjoy being in the present moment. Right. The fact that I know that is something I have as an issue in my life, in my human beingness. Right? The fact that I am engaged in yoga, meditation, breathwork, trying to do things to be more present is my primitive brain at work trying to help me to be more present?
00;18;35;27 – 00;18;36;26
Doreen
Does that make sense?
00;18;36;26 – 00;18;39;02
Jeff
The awareness I’m talking about here because.
00;18;39;04 – 00;19;03;17
Doreen
Because primitive brain just sitting on the couch and not doing anything is not, is nothing like I. You know what I’m saying? That doesn’t mean you’re in the present moment. That just means you’re just there. Right? There’s a difference. There’s a difference. So the question is now using the prefrontal cortex to navigate and overcome divorce, what are some things that we can maybe give you as tips?
00;19;03;22 – 00;19;20;10
Jeff
Well, I think the first one is the the meditation that we’re doing. And the mindfulness work that we’re doing. You know, I think regular mindfulness practice increases activity and structural connectivity in that prefrontal cortex.
00;19;20;13 – 00;19;49;07
Doreen
Helping to reduce emotions, reduce anxiety and stress, and foster an ability to observe thought without reaction. Right? Yes. So the act of mindfulness through things like meditation, where you have a thought, so something happens and then you have a thought. And that’s where you can use your mindfulness to say, well, I really need to get the resume done.
00;19;49;09 – 00;20;07;18
Doreen
But right now my brain, my thoughts are telling me of all the reasons why I can delay that. Now you have the ability through mindfulness to say, no primitive brain, you’re going to go over here. I’ll get to you later. Right now, I’m going to use the fact that I need to get this resume done. Get it done.
00;20;07;22 – 00;20;09;15
Doreen
I’m not going to go and do something else.
00;20;09;21 – 00;20;12;11
Jeff
And just being aware. Is mindfulness.
00;20;12;11 – 00;20;12;25
Doreen
Well and.
00;20;12;25 – 00;20;14;08
Jeff
Matter of something.
00;20;14;08 – 00;20;40;26
Doreen
Right? And meditation. You know, I am learning. So I’m very, very new in this. So I have a basic foundation is one of the ways that you can get there. Because when you meditate, you are basically in a space where you’re trying not to think of any particular thing or what you have to do and all the stuff.
00;20;40;29 – 00;21;02;00
Doreen
And when you’re meditating, how many times do we actually give our brain the ability to just be? That’s what it’s doing. It’s just finding that mindfulness and that clarity and thoughts will come and go and you just gently push them aside. Right. So that’s one way another thing that I talk about very often and I need to practice more.
00;21;02;03 – 00;21;30;24
Doreen
So I admit that this is something that I talk about that I need to do myself more is writing, journaling, journaling, writing about emotions and thoughts activates the prefrontal cortex. It really does. So when you’re sitting there and you’re writing your thoughts and your emotions, just that act as prefrontal. It’s the prefrontal cortex action and improves rational thinking, emotional regulation, cognitive flexibility.
00;21;30;27 – 00;22;00;16
Doreen
And it reduces symptoms of depression anxiety. So the experts say helping painful memories, memories to be processed in a better, more effective way. We talked about last week or I’m sorry, last episode, episode 188 about the process of, retelling your story that is part of like journaling, writing down all the negatives, writing down all the positives, and focusing in on the positives right?
00;22;00;18 – 00;22;18;17
Jeff
Well, they say think it. And it goes I think most people out there know the value of writing things down. Well, even when they were a little kid on studying or memorizing things. And when you write it down, it’s it’s almost ten times more powerful than with just a thought alone.
00;22;18;19 – 00;22;38;16
Doreen
Correct. So the question is, how often do we journal? You know, we want to put these things off because they’re just not. You get busy and your primitive brain comes in and says, I don’t have time to do that right now. I don’t have time to meditate or have time to journal. But that’s your permanent brain. Recognize that this takes concentration and work.
00;22;38;18 – 00;23;14;04
Doreen
So so that’s that’s true. But the other thing is, which is super, super important, I suggest especially going through divorce is self-compassion practices. You know, exercise is is like loving kindness. Meditation promote prefrontal active activity, which supports reducing self-criticism and fostering patience and empathy. Empathy I’m sorry for oneself. And when you love yourself and you’re able to give yourself the benefit of that self-compassion, guess what?
00;23;14;06 – 00;23;17;21
Doreen
You end up loving yourself and you love the world and others more too.
00;23;17;23 – 00;23;20;04
Jeff
That’s how the healing post-divorce happens.
00;23;20;05 – 00;23;22;09
Doreen
It does. It really does. Foster that.
00;23;22;16 – 00;23;25;01
Jeff
And it’s not just loving yourself, loving others.
00;23;25;06 – 00;23;30;25
Doreen
Correct? Well, that stems from that, because when you give yourself the benefit of self-love, it just flows.
00;23;31;02 – 00;24;03;16
Jeff
And again, go back to episode 188 about retelling your story. When you’re telling your story, you know, focus in on that love for yourself right? What about balanced decision making? In other words, incorporating mindfulness and meditation allows the prefrontal cortex to integrate emotional and rational brain areas, avoiding rushed or emotionally driven decisions, and often or detrimental during divorce negotiations.
00;24;03;18 – 00;24;04;21
Doreen
And post divorce.
00;24;04;21 – 00;24;05;03
Jeff
And post.
00;24;05;03 – 00;24;26;12
Doreen
Divorce? Yeah, like really just taking a step back and having that balanced decision making because it’s very easy. Gosh, I see this all the time when we’re trying to negotiate a case, settle a case. You they want the pots or they want the couch or they want whatever it is. And you’re like, nope, can’t have them. No, that’s not balanced decision making.
00;24;26;12 – 00;24;38;06
Doreen
Balanced decision making is yeah, he wants it. But don’t let the the primitive brain say you can’t have it because they want it. It’s like, who cares about the the couch really? I mean, who really cares?
00;24;38;08 – 00;24;39;29
Jeff
It’s almost like being your own mediator.
00;24;40;04 – 00;25;00;19
Doreen
Well, it’s just not smart. And then it ends up just costing a lot a shitload of fees. No, I mean, it is what it is. It costs a lot of fees to negotiate over $1,000 couch, you know, a resold market value, like, maybe not even worth that kind of couch. And people argue over this. It’s just not worth it.
00;25;00;19 – 00;25;04;20
Doreen
So this balanced decision making using your prefrontal is important.
00;25;04;21 – 00;25;06;28
Jeff
That’s a new one. Your frontal can save you money.
00;25;06;29 – 00;25;24;06
Doreen
It does save you money. It does save you money. That’s why in my practice, as a lawyer, I’m very big on what they call cost benefit analysis. How much are we going to spend to get whatever result we’re looking for? What are our chances of prevailing and how much is it going to cost? Because if it’s going to cost three times more, you don’t do it.
00;25;24;09 – 00;25;26;13
Doreen
Exception of course, children issues and things like that.
00;25;26;13 – 00;25;29;17
Jeff
So the do you breathe at all during that sentence?
00;25;29;17 – 00;25;40;15
Doreen
Yeah I know. So the other thing is acts of kindness and social connection. You know, I’m learning about this with my meditation and my breathwork and all this stuff.
00;25;40;15 – 00;25;41;14
Jeff
You know, yoga.
00;25;41;20 – 00;26;25;00
Doreen
Am I yoga that engaging in kind acts? It basically the brain reward system and it like stimulates biochemical responses, enhancing well-being. When you do something for someone else from a true place of love and kindness, not expecting. If you open the door for someone, don’t expect a thank you. Because how many times you know this has happened with you and me where we, you know, let somebody cut in line or we open the door and they don’t say thank you or they don’t show any appreciation and then maybe react by saying, that wasn’t very nice.
00;26;25;01 – 00;26;46;16
Doreen
I didn’t even say thank you. No, that’s not an act of kindness. An act of kindness doesn’t expect anything in return and certainly doesn’t judge just going out there and just doing acts of kindness, giving back in your community, doing something that resonates with a passion or a cause that you have doing it, and not expecting anything in return.
00;26;46;19 – 00;27;10;05
Doreen
Those are things that can really help to navigate you through the divorce and on to your best life. Very, very powerful stuff. Yeah. One of the reasons, well, that I’m doing my monthly complimentary coaching for select people is meeting my private coaching is because I want to give back, not because I’m expecting anything more than just hopefully sharing, sharing the word, spreading the news.
00;27;10;08 – 00;27;22;04
Doreen
Because if I could use these principles and we could get to a better and happier place in our life, I want everyone to be able to incorporate this into their life and to find more happiness than not with.
00;27;22;04 – 00;27;32;10
Jeff
Sometimes they they. I’ve heard the saying to teach is to learn. So almost when you give back your your helping yourself, you’re.
00;27;32;10 – 00;27;33;01
Doreen
Getting more and more.
00;27;33;01 – 00;27;34;22
Jeff
You’re getting more in return than you think.
00;27;34;22 – 00;27;48;10
Doreen
You you know how many times I learn from people. I learn from my clients. I learn from the courts. I learn from my relationships. I learn from my teachers, my gurus, all the things I embrace that. Right.
00;27;48;12 – 00;27;55;09
Jeff
Well, you know what they say about thoughts, but I’ll give you another one. If I give you a dollar, can you give me a dollar?
00;27;55;29 – 00;28;05;29
Jeff
Then we each have a dollar. Right. If I give you an idea and you give me an idea, we both have two ideas.
00;28;06;01 – 00;28;07;00
Doreen
I like that.
00;28;07;02 – 00;28;09;04
Jeff
So to give is very important.
00;28;09;04 – 00;28;33;16
Doreen
You get more in return you have more. All right everyone. So as you go through your day, maybe an exercise to consider is to bring a little piece of paper with you, or however you keep notes on your phone or whatever it is, and just be aware of your prefrontal and your primitive and maybe recognize your thoughts. Write them down and say, is this my primitive brain or is this my prefrontal?
00;28;33;20 – 00;28;39;19
Jeff
If somebody wants to reach out to you and share an experience or ask you a question, how can they reach you?
00;28;39;22 – 00;29;07;20
Doreen
Well, certainly. Look, your family law group is my law firm. And our number over there is (561) 276-3880. My email address is during period. Your author at your author family law group.com and your free cafe. Yes, sir. Feel free to reach out. You want to coach or just talk about coaching or talk to me about anything. Always willing to, to share.
00;29;07;22 – 00;29;13;11
Doreen
All right everybody, have an amazing, beautiful day and we will speak to you next time.
00;29;13;13 – 00;29;14;02
Jeff
Bye bye.
00;29;14;05 – 00;29;16;00
Doreen
Bye, everyone.
