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Ep. 29 – Deciding on Divorce

If you are contemplating divorce, you will likely struggle with negative thoughts as to why divorcing is a bad idea. Sometimes marriages have run their course. Sometimes it is best to part ways. However, our brain takes us to all the reasons that this is a bad idea. Giving equal airtime to what might be better, if you divorced, is something worth exploring. Is there a possibility that things could work out for the best, that your life could be better? The answer is yes.

In this episode I discuss giving equal airtime to not only the negative of divorce but also the positive. The reality is that things could work out for the best, and you could find the peace and happiness and a new chapter of your life with amazing possibilities.

If you want to explore the possibility that life after divorce could be better than it is now, than listen to this episode.


Here we go, my friends. How are you today? Hope you’re doing okay. Getting stronger day by day. So, listen, last episode I talked about equal air time. About when you have negative thoughts about whatever’s going on your divorce or any circumstance, how you need to give equal time to the possibility. The good things that can happen, the positive that can come out of it.

So I wanted to talk about divorce about taking that step and actually going forward with a divorce, many people when they come to me are afraid. They don’t understand or know how to get through the process. They don’t understand the law. And so today’s episode is about getting past that mindset about understanding that.

You can get through the divorce many ways. So let’s get started. What if I told you that your divorce could end up being one of the best things that could have happened to you? I’m Doreen, YFA marital and family, lawyer, and certified life coach. I’ve been consulting women for over 25 years. I’ve seen it all.

Now. I’m sharing my expertise and my own personal experiences to help you turn a difficult time into. Your amazing divorce.

So, you know, many people, when they think about getting divorced or maybe they got served with the divorce papers, they are lost. They’re scared. They remember movies. Well, I’m gonna date myself, but Kramer versus Krammer and the war of the roses. And Mr. And Mrs. Smith, I don’t think they got divorced in that one, but you know what I’m talking about, how it’s portrayed in the movies, or maybe you heard about divorce from a friend or a family member or somebody like that.

And I can tell you what I tell my clients when they come to see me for what’s known as a consultation. I say anything that you’ve heard, anything that you’ve seen on TV, just disregard it. The bottom line is that most. People that go through a divorce, end up settling their divorce. Some of the latest statistics that we have here in Florida, basically tell us that approximately only 3% of the cases actually go to trial.

So what does that mean? That means that 97% of the parties settle their cases. Now I’m not suggesting that it’s not bumpy and difficult and challenging, and maybe sometimes even horrific along the way. But what I am suggesting is that, you know how your brain goes to that negative thought. Like we talked about last episode, This is gonna be horrible and I’m not gonna have enough money to get through this.

And I don’t wanna testify in court and I’m gonna lose this time with my child or my children. And I’m not gonna end up having financial ability to, you know, survive and all these crazy negative thoughts that go through your brain. Well, guess what, what about the positive. What about, and let me just talk about most of my consultations.

You know, when I meet with what we call potential new client, I always tell them, well, not always, but most of the time that you’re gonna feel so much better after we finish this consultation, I’m gonna explain the law. I’m gonna tell you, explain to you how the court is gonna protect you. And the law is gonna protect you and financially you will be fine.

And. I’m gonna explain the processes for getting through. By the time I finish my consultation, I would say most of the time, nine outta 10, if not, maybe 9.99, nine outta 10 people feel some relief. What they realize is that negative thought or the negative thoughts that they had about getting divorced about actually taking that step legally wasn’t as scary as they thought.

So when I talked yet last time when I spoke to you last episode about the equal air time, I want you to give equal air time. If you’re considering divorce to. Well, maybe it’s not as bad as I thought, you know, only 3% of the cases go to trial. So I have a pretty good chance of settling the case. That there’s lots of ways to get through the divorce process here in Florida, we have what we know as traditional litigation.

You file a petition, you serve the other side. They have 20 days to answer. We have certain discovery that’s exchange called mandatory disclosure. We have to go to mediation. And then there’s lots of things happening in between where we’re the lawyers are trying to settle the. And when you have negative thoughts, negative air time about I’m gonna end up with nothing or I’m not gonna see my children, or I’m not going to get support.

Most states make sure that doesn’t happen their goal through their statutes, which the legislature has put in place. And the case law that interprets the statutes, teach us meaning mandate that the court. Typically provide, what’s known as an equal distribution of the assets and the liability. So the marital estate, so both parties end up with 50% and they provide support.

If you are the spouse that needs support now. There’s all kinds of caveats to that. Like, can you work to offset that amount or things of this nature? How long have you been married? But that really goes more to the duration of the alimony in most states. And again, I’m, I’m a Florida lawyer, so I’m basing it on Florida law, but the courts protect you when it comes to children, you may be thinking I’m not gonna see my children.

I’m gonna have less time with them. Well, what about the positive? The positive is that most states want to provide the best interest standard as to the time sharing for the children. Now, in some states they have a presumption of the 50, 50 time sharing schedule, but in Florida, they don’t, it’s based on what is in the children’s best interest.

So you will have time with your children. And let me just say something else about time sharing. Okay. It’s maybe an expression that could be taken wrong, but I always say that the best part of divorce, I don’t always say I don’t like when I say the word always, but I sometimes say is every other weekend, meaning that you have the ability.

To spend time with your child, the court’s going to, and most of the parties agree on a time sharing schedule, right? A visitation, a custody schedule, depending on where you’re from. And then the other parent has time, but you get to go to the child events when the other parent has your child, you get to participate on, you know, if they have.

Rehearsals or they have practices. You can be there. Nothing precludes you from spending time with your child when the other parent has the child, but the child is in a public arena, like a practice. So you’re gonna have lots of time with your child. The other thing is that the positive might be the positive air time.

Hey, every other weekend that I get to really focus in on some things that I wanna do for myself. What’s wrong with that. If you think there’s something wrong with that, then maybe there’s some work that needs to be done on yourself about that. If you happen to be someone that. I was really focused on being a parent.

And that is the entirety of who you are. That is a beautiful thing. That’s an amazing thing, but life is a balance. And so you can still be an amazing parent who spends Chi time with their child on your days and visiting the child. Like I said, previously, when there’s practices and things, but having some time to yourself, what’s wrong with.

Explore who you are, do the things that you always wanted to do. Take up a new hobby, engage with more social activities, you know, start dating. I mean, all these fun things that you can do spend time with friends, spend time with your family, meaning your ex your direct or extended family. Right? So when I spoke last week about the negative thoughts and giving equal air time, for those of you that are considering divorce, Think about maybe the positive that might come out of it, it will be challenging.

You know, any goal that you have, anything that you are changing in your life, whether it’s a good thing, like going back to school or taking up a new exercise program or learning a new, you know, language is challenging. Those are all great things, but going through divorce is also a change. Some people may think of divorce as being negative.

I want to have you maybe put on for size that why is divorce have to be looked at as negative? I understand that we take vows that we will stay together, but sometimes things don’t work out. Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes they have to move on for whatever reason, reason. And. Why do we think that that is a failure of the marriage?

Couldn’t we rethink that negative thought to things like we have beautiful children together. I would’ve never had this child, but for this marriage, I learned so much from the marriage. We had many. Beautiful years together. So when I spoke last week about the equal air time for the positive and the negative, I thought it important for those of you that are considering divorce to give yourself the equal air time there.

Look, it doesn’t cost anything. In most situations, some lawyers charge for a consult to go and speak with a lawyer to understand your rights and the procedures in your state that can get you through the divorce. Consider it consider speaking with someone that knows a board certified marital and family, lawyer, or someone at least who has practiced in the area.

At least I always say 75% of their practices in marital and family law and become educated. Be smart and look forward to a different future. If in fact the marriage is. Again, sometimes people just move on. So it’s a short and sweet episode this week. For those of you that are considering divorce to give yourself equal air time on the positive, the negative to go and seek the advice that you need.

A confidential, meaning nobody has to know consultation on your rights and what you can expect and what that looks for you financially and plan plan to make the change, to get. To a different, most amazing, beautiful chapter of your life. If that’s where you are, don’t let the fear take the years and years away that you can move on to a better, healthier life, a healthier.

For you a healthier life for your child, for your children, and eventually a healthier and happier life for your spouse. All right. My friends short and sweet to the point, send this out to anybody that you know, that’s struggling with divorce. Maybe they’ll take the first step to just seek the advice and just give some positive.

Air time to the possibility of what their life can look like. All right. Until next time, remember. Be good to yourself, love yourself, treat others well and have a most spectacular, most amazing week. Bye. And until next time, have an amazing rest of the day. And remember, yes, you can. Bye everybody. Thanks so much for listening for tips, updates, and expert advice.

Be sure to visit your amazing And remember my friends. Yes, you can have an amazing life after divorce. See you there. Views expressed by the participants of this program are their own and do not represent the views of nor are they endorsed by YFA family law group or your divorce law center, their respective officers, directors, employees, agents, or representatives.

The content of your amazing divorce is for entertainment and educational purposes. Only none of the content on your amazing divorce should be considered legal advice, nor does anything here in create an attorney, client relationship as always consult a lawyer for your legal questions.

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