Ep. 38 – Your Story

Hello, my beautiful friends, and how are you? Are you doing okay? I hope you’re getting stronger. I hope you’re working on your thoughts because remember thoughts create feelings that create action and show us the results in our life. So if you’re not getting the results you want in your life after divorce, Is the place to be.

What are we gonna talk about today? Today I wanna talk about retelling your story from your divorce. I know a lot of you have some real negative stories about it. So if you’re ready, let’s get started.

Are you ready to create a life that’s better than ever before? We are Doreen Yaha and Jeff Wilson, and we are here to give you the strategies you need to create the life after divorce that you. And desire as partners, both in marriage and coaching. We use our expertise as well as our own personal experiences to help you make the next chapter of your life the best chapter.

So I want you to first understand that I get inspired by my clients, either my life coaching clients or my family law clients. I also get inspired as to subjects from things that are going on in the world and around me. So I’ve had a lot of, um, a lot of potential clients and clients who are just stuck on their bad story.

They have a. Miserable marriage and they’re looking to get divorced and they tell me all the negative issues about that and all the stories surrounding it. And then I have others who are in the divorce or post divorce and they’re all about how poor me all of this. So the first thing I wanna do is talk about how you’re going to tell your story.

About your divorce. When you tell the story of your divorce, what does it sound like? Have you ever thought about that? Are you telling your story in a way that is concise and deciding what you want that story to look like? Or are you just talking about it without even thinking about the story behind it?

Because you know, when you tell a story that is negative, you will find evidence of the negativity and no one, quite frankly. Wants to hear the negative stuff. We do it because we care about people. Meaning we listen to them, we embrace them, we tell them, I’m so sorry, and, and we are, but do we really wanna be the person that places that burden on others?

Some of us, when we talk about our divorce, tell a story, I think to get sympathy so that the listener. Some compassion, understanding, or agreement in what the story is. The negative story he left me, he cheated on me. I have no money. The kids are going back and forth between houses. It’s horrible. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.

Look what happened to me during the. All of this negativity when you are telling your story. Think about that. Think about your purpose for saying it the way you’re saying it. Are you saying it to have someone understand and feel bad for you? The story you tell will either empower you or defeat you.

Think about that. Really, really think about that and how do you want to tell your story. The reason I named this podcast, the way I did your Amazing Divorce is because, People, women generally get to a better place post divorce. Now, I’m not suggesting that it isn’t challenging, getting there, getting through the divorce process, restructuring your life, figuring out how things look and what your future looks like and your children’s future looks like.

This is hard stuff, but you can do hard things. And most of the women that I talk to post divorce do get to a better place. Do see the clarity, looking backwards as to a different story, and in some cases, even thank their ex in some strange way. And I’m not saying they say. Speak verbally out loud saying, Hey, Mr.

So-and-so, thank you so much for the divorce or cheating on me, or whatever it was that caused the divorce. No, but thank them internally because without them, without the divorce, without the situation that basically put the divorce in motion and it usually is not. Circumstance, although we tend to focus on that straw that broke the camel’s back.

Right? But it’s not, I mean, when you really look back at your marriage and why the divorce happened, it’s probably accumulation of many years in problems. And maybe just figuring out that two of you are not a good match anymore, and you know what? That’s okay. When I talk to these women. And I discussed with them where they are now and how they felt back then, how they tell their story moving forward makes a huge difference in how fast they get there, the struggle that they get they have to go to to get there, and then what they accomplish and how they feel after the divorce in other, If you could retell your story, how empowering would that be to you?

Instead of saying all the negative things about the divorce and Oh, poor is me, I can’t afford to do this, and the kids are stressed, and all of that. How about looking at it differently? Looking at it from the perspective of, look, now I get to watch what I want on tv. Simple as that, or I don’t have to answer to anybody, or he was mean-spirited, and guess what?

I don’t have to deal with that anymore. And now I get to go back to school or pursue some things that I couldn’t do that maybe he didn’t want me to do. Spend more time with my friends. Start a new hobby, rediscover who I am, travel, all these things that you get to look back on and say, Hey, the divorce, maybe in many ways is a blessing, is a good thing.

So when you think about your divorce and you start to tell a story that is. I suggest that you stop yourself. I always talk about this, take a deep breath. Just why am I doing this? Do what we call in coaching a thought download, and this is gonna be a little involved at this point. When I teach this, you know, when I talk about, I want you to place the words.

Say into the sea line, you know the model, and if you don’t, please go back and review it. Think about it. Listen to the episode that deals with it, but I want you to put your words into the sea line because it’s a fact. You say these words about your divorce, whatever they are, not that they’re true, just that the words were.

And a little bit of a recap. So you have your circumstance, you have a thought about your circumstance, you have a feeling from your thought, and then you have your action from the feeling, and then you have your results. So that’s a little recap on the model. I want you to place the words you’re saying about your divorce, your story.

Pick any sentence that you want, the sentence. Something like the divorce was the most miserable thing that I ever went through in my life. Okay. Let’s say that’s your sentence, and when you say those words, what is. Your feeling? What is your feeling when you say those words? Well, I can tell you those words.

Your story about your divorce, if you use those words or something similar to that, is not gonna be a good feeling, right? Sadness, anger, come to mind as potential feelings, maybe even anxiety. Not good feelings and remember your feelings. Then fuel your action. So when you tell a story that’s negative, your action is not going to be one that is positive, that is helping you to move forward to have a better life.

And then of course your result is you could stay stuck where you are for a longer period of time, or maybe even, you know, go watch Netflix and drink too much. I don’t know. But when you think those thoughts, it’s just not empowering. How about you change your thoughts about your divorce? You change your story to something like, I get to now redevelop myself.

This is the best opportunity. This is the best thing that happened because now I can become who I always wanted to become. The sky is the limit. You see how that just feels differently? And when you say those words, when you put that into the model, your feeling is one of possibility. Excitement, maybe even happiness, encouragement, hopeful.

And when you do that and you use those words, you retell your story differently, you’re gonna start showing up in a new way, in a better way, you know, enough of the victim mentality. So many times when I’m dealing with. They are stuck in that victim storyline. Remember that the divorce itself D doesn’t cause the anger, doesn’t cause the sadness, doesn’t cause all the negative emotions.

It’s your thoughts about the divorce. You see the divorce itself is just a neutral circumstance. It happened, and so you get to choose now. How you’re going to tell that story, your thoughts about it, and you can choose the negative version and the negative story, or you can look at the positive and the hopeful story, the one that’s gonna move you forward to the best version of your self.

You can choose to be stronger. or you can choose to be weaker. It’s the same circumstance, the divorce. So this is a quick podcast episode today. Just wanted to bring you something to think about and let you get on with your beautiful, amazing life and creating the life that you want, and rethinking and retelling.

Your story. Get to work on it. Get your journal out, put on down all the negative thoughts about your divorce. Put down all the positive thoughts about your divorce, and throw that negative piece of paper away and just focus on the positive. I know it takes time. I know it takes practice. But you got this.

I promise you do. All right, my beautiful friends, listen, leave me a review, please. I appreciate it. It helps to get me out to more people, more women like you, strong women going through divorce, post divorce, and so let’s reach them, okay? All right. Have an amazing day. Love yourself, and know, yes, you can do anything.

You put your mind too. Bye guys.

You have the vision of what you want your life to look like after divorce, but maybe you just don’t know how to get there. So if you’re ready to take control of your life and want to find out more about our coaching, visit us. L a d-coaching.com. That’s l a d as in life after divorce-coaching.com. Until next time, have an amazing rest of your day.

And remember, yes, you can have an amazing life after divorce.