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Ep. 93 – Understanding the Difference Between Concern and Complaining

How to Reinvent Yourself After Divorce

Have you ever heard the saying, “No whining on the yacht”? It may sound like a silly phrase, but it carries an important message about gratitude and perspective. The quote by Al Franken, a writer, comedian, and former senator, reminds us to appreciate what we have and avoid complaining about our circumstances.

But why is it so important to avoid whining, especially during difficult times like divorce? According to best-selling author Will Bowen, the average adult complains nearly 30 times per day. This can take a toll on our mental health and our relationships. When we focus on the negative aspects of our lives, we create a cycle of negativity that can be hard to break.

During a divorce, it’s easy to fall into the trap of whining and complaining. After all, divorce is a challenging and emotional experience that can leave us feeling frustrated, angry, and overwhelmed.

However, as the saying goes, “No whining on the yacht.” Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects of divorce, focusing on positive thoughts — such as newfound independence, personal growth, and a fresh start — can make all the difference.

In this post, we’ll explore the benefits of avoiding whining during divorce and offer tips on how to stay positive and grateful during this challenging time. We’ll also discuss how to deal with whining from others and why it’s important to surround yourself with positive, supportive people.

How Your Thoughts Dictate Your Actions

When going through a divorce, it’s common to encounter people who constantly whine and complain. This can be challenging to deal with — whether they’re family members, coworkers, bosses, or even your ex-spouse. But the first step in handling this type of behavior is to understand whining in general.

Both Doreen and Jeff are certified life coaches through The Life Coach School and have applied what the school teaches to their own life with huge success. According to Brooke Castillo, founder of LCS, the circumstance of divorce is completely neutral. It’s the thoughts you think about that circumstance that create your feelings, which then dictate your actions… and ultimately, your results.

This means that the thoughts we have can influence our actions and the results we get in life. If you find that you’re not achieving the results you want, it’s most likely because of the thoughts you’re having, as they drive your feelings and actions.

Whining is an action that doesn’t lead to any positive results. Although it may feel good at the moment, it doesn’t help you move forward in the long run. If you’re someone who finds themselves constantly whining, it’s essential to become aware of this behavior and learn how to redirect your energy into actions that serve you better.

How to Deal With Whiners In Your Life

If you’re not the whiner, but you’re dealing with someone who is, it’s important to know how to handle the situation. Whether it’s your ex-spouse, a family member, a coworker, or a boss, walking away isn’t always an option. So, how do you deal with whiners in your life?

One tip is to avoid getting caught up in their negativity. When you listen to someone complain, it’s easy to start feeling negative yourself. Instead, try to steer the conversation towards more positive topics or redirect their attention towards finding solutions to the problem.

Another tip is to set boundaries. If you find that someone is constantly whining at you, it’s okay to let them know that you’re not interested in listening to complaints all the time. You can do this in a polite and respectful manner that doesn’t escalate the situation.

Lastly, it’s important to take care of yourself. Dealing with whiners can be emotionally draining, so make sure to prioritize self-care and do things that bring you joy and positivity. This will help you stay centered and better equipped to deal with negative behavior when it arises.

Here’s a quick look at the dos and don’ts when it comes to dealing with whining effectively.

  1. Don’t agree with the whining. If you agree with someone who is whining, it only encourages them to keep complaining. Instead, try to acknowledge their feelings and redirect the conversation toward finding solutions.
  2. Don’t disagree with the whining. Disagreeing with a whiner can lead them to repeat their complaints, creating a never-ending cycle. Instead, try to empathize with their feelings while gently shifting the focus to a positive outcome.
  3. Do listen actively. Active listening means giving your full attention to the person and acknowledging their feelings. When you actively listen, you create a safe space for the person to share their concerns and feelings.
  4. Do offer solutions. Whining often stems from a feeling of helplessness. So, instead of just listening to the whining, try to offer practical solutions or help the person brainstorm solutions. This can help them feel empowered and move towards a resolution.
  5. Don’t try to solve their problems. When people are whining, the purpose is to tell you what’s happening so they can get the weight off their chest. They aren’t usually looking for you to resolve the problem.

While whining can be draining, following these dos and don’ts can help you handle it effectively. Remember, active listening, empathy, and problem-solving are key to managing whining in a positive and productive way.

The Importance of Keeping Your Situation In Perspective

Going through a divorce can be challenging and difficult. It’s not something we want, and it can be especially hard if we’re not the ones who initiated it. However, it’s important to keep things in perspective.

Earlier this month, Doreen’s mom ended up in the hospital. Seeing an elderly person laying in a bed, with no control over their health, made Doreen realize how thankful we should be for what we have. Whining about things that are outside of our control serves no purpose.

Instead, we should focus on the things we can be grateful for, like our health, our children, or simply waking up in the morning. Even in a traffic jam, we should be grateful that we’re not the cause of it, as there’s always something to be thankful for. Life is precious, and it’s important to keep that perspective in mind, especially during difficult times like divorce.

What to Do When You Feel Like Whining

Whining can be a natural response to frustration or dissatisfaction, but it becomes a problem when it becomes habitual. If you find yourself constantly complaining and whining, it can have negative effects on your relationships with others. People may start to avoid you or distance themselves from you.

It’s important to take a step back and examine why you are complaining and address the underlying issue. Making a game of catching yourself when you whine can also be a helpful strategy. Placing a rubber band or scrunchy on your wrist and moving it to the other wrist each time you catch yourself complaining can help you become more aware of your whining habits and work to reduce them.

Choosing the right channel or platform to complain to is also important. It’s okay to talk to someone about something that’s bothering you, but it’s crucial to choose the right person. You could hire a coach or therapist, or maybe you have that best friend who will listen without judgment.

When complaining, it’s important to remember that your thoughts and words have power. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, try to find something positive to focus on. By choosing a positive thought, you can change how you feel, and this can lead to a better outcome.

So the next time you feel the urge to whine or complain, take a step back, look at the big picture, and consider these strategies to help you break the cycle of negativity.

  1. Step back and look at the big picture.
  2. Take a good look within and find out why you are really complaining.
  3. Make a game of it by catching yourself whining.
  4. Choose the right channel or platform to complain to or whine to.
  5. Talk about valid concerns and share your complaint in a kind way that is seen as helpful to what you want the end result to be, and not critical.
  6. Choose to think positively and find one attribute to appreciate, instead of only focusing on the negative.

By understanding the importance of taking action toward positive change and being kind to yourself and others, you can transform your mindset from focusing on the negative and not producing any positive results to one that creates the future you’ve always wanted.

If you want the tools to shift your mindset around your divorce, we strongly recommend you speak with a coach who can help you take control of your life. At Life After Divorce Coaching, Doreen Yaffa and Jeff Wilson will work with you one on one to help you overcome the thoughts that are holding you back from living your best life after divorce. Set up your complimentary Discovery Call by visiting our website.

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