Ep. 183 – I Just Can’t

00;00;00;00 – 00;00;21;13
Doreen
So today we’re going to talk about, you know, those mornings when you wake up and you just feel like you can’t you know what I’m talking about when you feel like putting your head back onto the pillow and putting the covers over your head. So if you’re ready for episode 183, let’s get started. Hey, Jeff.

00;00;21;13 – 00;00;45;22
Jeff
Hey. How are you? Good. How are you? Excellent. What’s going on? Well, let’s see what’s going on. Not much new going on. Well, it’s it’s, We’re. School’s over night and summer’s starting and summertime, and you could feel. Here we go, too. It’s definitely warming up a little bit. Yes, it is like it does every summer. I, I know there’s members of our family.

00;00;45;22 – 00;01;04;20
Jeff
Like it’s getting hot. Oh, boy. Like, we didn’t know it was going to be hot. Yeah. My mom always does that. She’s like, yeah, complains about the weather. Meanwhile, she’s lived here for over 50 years in Florida where yeah, it gets a little hot, but it gets hot everywhere, I guess. I guess so. Hotter, hotter. Yeah. So I want to welcome everybody to today’s podcast.

00;01;04;20 – 00;01;26;11
Doreen
We’re talking about those days, you know, when you just wake up feeling like you can’t, when you’re literally feeling like you just want to put your head back under or onto the pillow and, you know, put the covers over your head. And when you’re going through a divorce, it seems like these days can show up more often than not.

00;01;26;14 – 00;01;46;26
Doreen
And, yeah, you just feel like, you know, you just can’t get through that day. You just want to sit down and binge watch Netflix and snack on everything in the fridge. Nothing feels like the choice is between forcing yourself to get up or staying in bed, you know? And you got to really work hard to figure out which way you’re going to go.

00;01;47;02 – 00;02;07;19
Jeff
Yeah. So some of you might stay in bed and others will push through the day grinding it out. But there’s also a middle ground, right. Maybe you’re not feeling it, but you still want to get some work done. You still want to be productive. You know that if you don’t do it, you’re going to accumulate all the things you have to do today.

00;02;07;22 – 00;02;28;16
Doree
But it’s okay sometimes just be in that kind of like, yuck. Feeling yucky. Feeling. Yeah. You know, and especially when you’re dealing with divorce just kind of comes along with it, right? It certainly does. So let’s talk about maybe some some tips. You know, what do you do when you’re feeling like that. And it doesn’t have to be right in the morning.

00;02;28;16 – 00;02;49;13
Doreen
Sometimes you get that way in the middle of the day or at night. You just feel like you just can’t deal anymore, right? Yeah, you could feel that way any time of the day. And I think, one of the questions that before we get into the tips is to ask yourself, is it physical? I mean, really where you’re feeling sick or down and you don’t want to do anything, or is it mental?

00;02;49;15 – 00;03;20;03
Doreen
Yeah. Because I think when you wake up and you’re just feeling kind of yuck, you know. Yeah. Is it, is it because you’re physically not feeling well or is it because you’re mentally not there. Right. Which one is it? And I think that if you can equate it a little bit to your Parkinson’s and how that feels for you in the morning, a lot of people going through divorce probably feel both physical and emotional discomfort.

00;03;20;05 – 00;03;38;16
Jeff
Right? Yeah. That’s a that’s a good way to put it. So let’s figure it out. You know, like you wake up and you’re like, wait a second. Yeah. Don’t want to deal with the today, but is it my aches and pains. Is it physical. Because look if it’s physical, if you really, truly don’t feel well physically, then rest right.

00;03;38;18 – 00;04;08;05
Doreen
But but you got to really figure that out, right? Like with your Parkinson’s. How does that feel for you? Well, I mean, all my life I’ve been experiencing, you know, like back pains and things like that and things that I have to kind of work through physically. Yeah. Yeah, physically. And I feel that a lot of what I go through in the mornings, I question whether it’s it’s valid or not, and I question whether I can work through it or not.

00;04;08;08 – 00;04;29;17
Jeff
And typically getting well, I will get to the tips in a minute, but I’m just saying that I question myself whether it’s real. Is it really something physical that I have to just get back in bed and deal with, or is it something that I can get my butt out of bed, get going, and do the things that I was supposed to do and work through it?

00;04;29;18 – 00;04;52;23
Doreen
Absolutely. I mean, like when you’re going through a challenging time, divorce, of course, we’re talking about, but. And you wake up in the morning or just you’re not a morning person, right? You get up. Maybe you didn’t have a good night’s sleep, maybe didn’t have enough sleep. Maybe you’ve got a busy day. Maybe you’re dealing with the divorce and all the things and you’re like, oh, another day of dealing with that.

00;04;52;23 – 00;05;13;03
Jeff
I remember that when I was going through my divorce, it was like, oh boy, what’s going to hit us today? Right? Yeah. But with you, it’s like physically also you’re you’re trying to figure it out. Is it my aches and pains or my Parkinson’s? Because part of your illness is the, stiffness, right, right. The stiffness and, mental clarity.

00;05;13;03 – 00;05;32;14
Doreen
I mean, there’s a lot of things that that go with physically and yet. Oh. Got physical. Yes. It’s more the stiffness and the nausea and stuff like that from the medicine. So I think a lot of times in the morning you’re feeling like, is this physical? Can I work through this or is this mental right that I want to just like stay in bed?

00;05;32;18 – 00;05;56;03
Jeff
And on the side note there, I mean, I when you know the Parkinson’s is not curable, divorce is something that, you know, you’re going through right now. If you look at it, this is a temporary thing. Yeah. Can I work through it? Can I push through? I have to live through this the rest of my life. However, people have it so much worse than I do.

00;05;56;05 – 00;06;12;26
Doreen
You know? You know, let’s not do the personal pity party. Get up and get going. Well, if you can. Right. So, though that leads us to our first tip. I think there’s six tips that we have on when you’re waking up and you’re just not feeling it. Right. So the first thing you want to do is get moving a little bit, right.

00;06;12;27 – 00;06;54;01
Doreen
Movement, even tiny amounts, can help you tap into whether you’re struggling physically or it’s a mental thing, right? Right. If you’re trying to rally it up, just get going. Whether it’s a shower, putting on your makeup, dressing up, maybe even a small workout, you know, get your body moving, don’t push for a huge goal. Just get going. Maybe just getting I find that going outside personally, like being in nature, being outside, even if it’s just for a short walk, get your body up and moving, going outside, taking a few deep breaths and enjoying nature is it makes a huge difference.

00;06;54;04 – 00;07;16;18
Doreen
I mean, if you look at the word motivation, the motive to take action, you say you don’t have to do anything. A big goal or something huge, but the littlest things can make a huge difference. Well, I think that’s part of the issue too. When you’re feeling young, can you just don’t want to deal with the world? You know, don’t over it.

00;07;16;19 – 00;07;39;18
Jeff
My my thought is you don’t have to overthink it. Right. It’s a small little act of getting up and moving. So when you’re moving, play, pay close attention to your thoughts. Right. What am I thinking? Because the brain loves to worry about everything related to the problems that you’re going through. And if you’re going through a divorce, it’s going to focus on that.

00;07;39;18 – 00;08;01;25
Doreen
It just loves to worry. Our primitive brain loves to worry, so it likes to make mountains out of molehills, right? It likes to overthink about all the bad things that are going to happen as a result of a divorce. So it’s really easy to to just say, the hell with it. Today I’m just going to stay in bed.

00;08;02;00 – 00;08;20;21
Doreen
Our brain loves those comfortable comforts, comforters and sheets and the nice cold room that we’re laying in and, and and so you have to fight your primitive brain, so to speak, so you can, you know, understand what you’re supposed to be doing and get motivated and get up and do it. Yeah. So the first thing is to get up and just get moving.

00;08;20;21 – 00;08;43;22
Doreen
Little, little actions. Now I think it’s really helpful for me to get moving, but also to get myself going as if I’m not going to stay in bed. So taking that shower, putting on the makeup, putting on something nice to wear already you’re starting to feel better. And then you can reevaluate, is this physical or is this my thoughts?

00;08;43;25 – 00;09;12;08
Doreen
You know, the second one is just being kind to yourself, you know, understanding that life can be or actually it is 50, 50, 50% good, 50% bad. You might be just tempered rarely on that 50% bad side. And knowing that it is temporary, give yourself a little bit of credit. Don’t beat yourself up right. Like acknowledge the fact that life is both good and bad.

00;09;12;08 – 00;09;40;19
Doreen
Right? And you might think something like, yeah, this sucks, I’m going through a divorce. But knowing this is just a phase, like you said, this is part of that -50% of the scale actually helps, I think, to appreciate what’s happening. Instead of getting mad or upset about feeling anxious or sad, recognizing that this is normal. Right? Humans have good days and they have bad days.

00;09;40;23 – 00;10;11;15
Doreen
So be gentle with yourself. So many people, I think, get upset at themselves for having a bad day, right? Which only makes things worse. Don’t compare yourself to your best self. Be okay with maybe not being your best self today, right? You’re going through divorce or you’re on the other side of it trying to rebuild your life. This isn’t supposed to be all fantastic.

00;10;11;16 – 00;10;28;24
Jeff
It can’t be. No. How do you know? Yeah. Ever have a good day? Unless you’ve had bad days? Well. And how can. Right. How can you appreciate the beautiful things in life if you don’t understand the bad things? This just happens to be a sucky time. And so you could still say when you get up in the morning, you feel like yuck.

00;10;28;26 – 00;10;45;05
Doreen
Be kind to yourself. Yeah. You know, going through divorce and I’m going to get up. I’m going to get moving. I’m gonna see how I’m feeling. Is this physical or mental? And if it’s mental and I’m just having one of those off days, that’s okay. It’s okay. Like, look yourself in the face, in the mirror and say, you know what?

00;10;45;05 – 00;11;04;25
Doreen
You’re having a shitty day and you’re still going to rally it up and go, it’s going to be perfect. It’s not going to be fantastic. It’s not going to be your best amazing self. You know what those days look like. Just be kind, right? You’re right. I think it is very, very normal that we’re the toughest on ourselves and we beat ourselves up a lot.

00;11;04;25 – 00;11;28;26
Doreen
So I think that understanding that it’s okay, you’re having a bad day. Give yourself a break. Right. You see the version of you who’s having a bad day, and maybe you’re going to think something like, oh, you’re feeling like crap today. And that’s okay. This is normal. The alternative is waking up and instantly thinking there’s something wrong with you, but there’s nothing wrong with you.

00;11;28;26 – 00;11;55;12
Doreen
Divorce sucks, it’s painful, and you’re allowed to be gentle and kind with yourself during this time. So watching yourself from afar in this way I think can be major relief. Like, think of yourself like you said. I think you said about how would you treat your friend that’s going through a divorce, right? So number one was get up and move, see if it’s physical or if it’s mental.

00;11;55;15 – 00;12;25;01
Jeff
Number two, keep resurfacing. Break. Yeah. Be kind to yourself, right? Be kind to yourself and see yourself. Yeah. Number three, let’s go on. Is, reaching out to a friend who has a very good ear. You know, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a friend. It could be a coach, a coworker, or a family member. Someone who will just simply listen without judgment or try to fix it and just say, hey, I need someone to talk to right now.

00;12;25;01 – 00;12;46;16
Jeff
I need to get something off my chest. Yeah. I think it’s important to, for many of us, just to to hear ourselves say it. Right. What do you mean? Well, to to talk to somebody. Right. Just to say, you know, this is what I’m thinking. These are my fears about the divorce. This is my anxiety this morning. It’s important.

00;12;46;16 – 00;13;13;16
Doreen
You know, as humans, we have a natural tendency and depending on personality to fix things. So you want this listener to just what we call in coaching holds space for you. Be supportive, not jump in the pool. Which means they’re not agreeing or disagreeing with your thoughts and what you’re saying. They’re just they’re just there to listen and say, yeah, I’m hearing you.

00;13;13;17 – 00;13;35;01
Doreen
You’re sounding board. It’s a sounding board. I think that it’s so helpful and why a lot of people use us as coaches, you know, they like talking to us or they feel it’s it’s a safe place that they can have, the ability just to say what’s on their mind without any judgment. Yeah. It’s being validated also is very important.

00;13;35;02 – 00;13;55;22
Doreen
It’s being validated in coaching. We don’t necessarily agree or disagree because a lot of what you’re saying are your thoughts are not real, meaning they’re not. It’s fear, right? It’s false evidence appearing real. So there’s a lot especially in divorce about the what ifs. But this could happen and that could happen and all the things they haven’t happened yet.

00;13;55;22 – 00;14;16;18
Doreen
But just having that ability to work through it in your brain and talk about it with someone, I think is super helpful. Right. That’s kind of a good segue into the fourth tip. Yeah, the fourth is building on that. Let’s talk about the fourth thing, which is separating the circumstance, which is the fact right from our thought, feeling and action.

00;14;16;18 – 00;14;43;22
Doreen
Now, for those of you who haven’t listened to us often, we use something that we’ve learned from our coach called the model, which is you have a fact or circumstance, which in this case is the divorce, and then you’re going to have a thought about it. Right? And that’s what’s happening a lot of times when you want to put your head under the the covers is you’re having a thought and your thought is about, like we said, all these things that might happen, all these horrible things that you’re thinking.

00;14;43;24 – 00;15;14;29
Doreen
And then from there there’s a feeling probably the feelings might be things like anxiety, whatever sadness, sadness, anger, confusion, overwhelm. These are common feelings. When you’re going through a divorce, you’re scared, right? You know all the things and be kind with yourself about that. But understand it’s a thought about the divorce that likely hasn’t even happened yet. It’s just a thought you could just as easily.

00;15;15;02 – 00;15;43;22
Jeff
And what we teach you in coaching, change that thought with some work into a more positive thought. As a matter of fact, next episode we’re going to talk about the pros and cons of divorce. And so you can maybe if you want to wait for that episode, because we’re going to get you some tips on how you might change your thoughts from negative thoughts, which is the con to the pro, which is the positive thought about going through divorce because there are positive things, right?

00;15;43;23 – 00;16;17;26
Doreen
I think what’s what most people out there are experiencing is they they believe that the feelings that they’re having come from the divorce, the circumstance. Right. Which is a fact, actually, are coming from their thoughts. Right. It’s a very, common misconception. Well, and what we’re talking about today, which I’m going to just keep using that, putting your head under the covers and just forgetting about the day, eating, eating everything in the fridge and watching Netflix or even worse, right against Netflix, nothing against Netflix.

00;16;17;26 – 00;16;44;26
Doreen
We love us some Netflix, but the action that you’re taking is where how is this going to accumulate into something that’s going to be beneficial to me or is going to hurt me, right. Because, right, if you decide that you’re just going to cancel your day and forget about the world, what does that mean to you tomorrow you’re going to have twice as much work.

00;16;44;28 – 00;17;04;15
Doreen
Maybe your kids are affected because mom doesn’t want to get out of bed. Your boss is upset with you because you called in sick again. So, you know, this is the action line of the thought of the model, circumstance, thoughts, feelings and action that could be harmful to you. What do you know? So just be aware of that.

00;17;04;16 – 00;17;20;26
Jeff
Well, that’s one thing that, you know, we didn’t talk about in the model that’s not on here is the the last part of the model, which is the results of those actions you’re having. So if you can think about your results of what you’re doing, you may have to go back and say, I need to change those thoughts.

00;17;20;26 – 00;17;50;17
Doreen
True, true. Yeah. Because, you don’t want to spiral out of control with this, right? Meaning this could be something that becomes, overtakes overtakes you. Right? Look, we’re not suggesting. First of all, I want to just say something. If you physically are not. Well, you know, like Jeff was explaining, when he gets up in the morning, is what he’s feeling physical because of his illness or is it mental, right?

00;17;50;17 – 00;18;17;21
Doreen
Or is it a maybe even a combination? So first thing is it is if it’s physical, you truly don’t feel well. Take care of yourself, right? Right. Take care of yourself. You’re probably rundown. Going through a divorce, probably not sleeping well, maybe not taking care of yourself, eating well, doing all the things right. So is it physical and if it’s if it’s physical, respect that and be okay with that.

00;18;17;21 – 00;18;39;21
Doreen
Just be honest with yourself. That’s a biggie. You know what I’m saying? Because I think a lot of times we can push ourselves, you know, the mind is so is so, strong, is so important, is so controlling over so much of who we are. You can make yourself sick physically. Right. With a lot of worrying things.

00;18;39;21 – 00;19;00;17
Jeff
So just be aware of that. The other thing I want to say is if it is something emotional or if you are depressed and you are truly struggling, it’s not just I’m having a bad day and this is 50% of the negative and I’m going through a divorce and this feels like crap, but it’s to the level of you’re really not functioning.

00;19;00;21 – 00;19;25;09
Jeff
Seek help. Seek help that this is this is this episode is about when you’re in that state of I don’t feel good, I feel yuck, I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to, okay? But you’re able to get past it. But if you are truly spiraling emotionally, get help. Yeah. You know, please do, please do.

00;19;25;11 – 00;19;44;11
Doreen
So another thing I want to say is I don’t know why I want to throw it in there, but I want to talk about like for me, yoga. Yeah, I love going when I’m feeling blah and I go to yoga even a little, a little, like, maybe I’m not doing my best at yoga because I could do this hot, kind of intense yoga.

00;19;44;11 – 00;20;06;23
Doreen
You’ve been to it. Yes. But just going there and saying, I’m going to do my best today. I would say nine times out of ten I come out feeling so much better. Yeah, I love talking to you. When you’re done with your yoga class, you’re in total different mental state. You’re so happy, you’re so relaxed. I can tell when you’ve done your yoga class and you haven’t.

00;20;06;26 – 00;20;36;21
Doreen
Well, I think it’s really hard when you go and you work out or you move your body to not start feeling better. You know, there are things, physically, dopamine and endorphins and all that that I’m sure physically, promote all that. There’s something else I want to just say when we talk about having a bad day, going through your divorce, feeling yucky and recognizing it’s just that 50% of the bad stuff, the bad time, carry it around like a little purse.

00;20;36;24 – 00;20;57;01
Jeff
Okay? Say, you know what? Today I’m going to carry this around. I feel like crap today, but I’m still going to make my day happen and just put it over there and be okay with that. Right. And just keep doing your day as best as you can. Right? Just see, it is like it’s there. I accept it, I don’t like it, but I’m still going to go through my day.

00;20;57;03 – 00;21;22;21
Doreen
Yeah. And on on that note, every time that I didn’t feel in the mood to go, to go to the gym, didn’t go and had my martial arts class, wasn’t in the mood to take my martial arts class, just wasn’t into it. Yeah, I always seem to have a great class, always seem to have a good workout when I’m not in the mood to do it and did it anyway.

00;21;22;21 – 00;21;58;15
Doreen
Really? Yeah. I find sometimes that I struggle. Like the other day I went to yoga and I just physically was feeling for some reason, just not myself. And I was nauseous for before the class started. Yes. Okay. And I didn’t have a great class. Right? As a matter of fact, at times I had to get back into child’s pose and just let myself, be okay with the fact that I didn’t feel so good and I didn’t punish myself or criticize myself for getting into child’s pose when everybody else was doing standing poses, I just said, you know what?

00;21;58;19 – 00;22;14;27
Doreen
This is me today, and that’s okay. This is my little purse of not feeling great. I’m going to put it over here. I’m going to get in child’s pose. Be kind to yourself. In the next class you went to. You said that I reached class the next day and you would not have recognized that as much if you didn’t have that bad class.

00;22;14;27 – 00;23;03;00
Doreen
True, true. Yeah, yeah. And I and I went into the next class the next day feeling like, oh, yeah, yesterday wasn’t so good. Let me make a super effort today. Another thing that works for me, this is I think tip number five is to organize my space, right? That image really resonates with me. Like another thing that just for me is when I have my drawers clean my desk clean my bathroom organized, you know, it’s it helps me to say, okay, I did this, I organized this because it doesn’t take a lot of mental, effort to organize a space.

00;23;03;03 – 00;23;30;00
Doreen
And it promotes a couple things, right? It promotes getting that done. You probably want to or need to organize your space, whatever it is. But also it might be like, okay, I did that. Now everything is ready to go and now I can dive into my day. Just something to think about for me. It provides me clarity. You and I, both you and I have very different styles when it comes to this.

00;23;30;00 – 00;23;51;03
Doreen
Like for example, when I go to bed at night for me, I need to have everything cleaned up. I want the couch put back together with the pillows. I want the dishwasher filled sink, you know, nothing in the sink. My area ready, you know, to go for the morning. All the things. You, on the other hand, seem to not need that.

00;23;51;03 – 00;24;21;00
Doreen
I need that to help, to make me feel ready for my day. Right. There’s a difference between I. I don’t need that. And when it is done, I still get that feeling of accomplishment or ready to go, or that weight lifted off my shoulders to have things cleaned and organized. So you’re right. I may not think about it or need it as much as you do, but I do appreciate it when it’s done.

00;24;21;05 – 00;25;00;23
Doreen
Yeah, I also want to suggest that if you’re feeling really yucky and depressed, not severely depressed, but just, you know, this is going through divorce, depressed, right? Divorce, depression, I’m going to call it I can’t, I can’t or what what do I always say? I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to. I find that, you know, if you’re not going to do anything for the day because you just need a day off, you want a mental health day, maybe take that day to at least do something like organize your home because it doesn’t take mental, intelligence to to do it right.

00;25;00;26 – 00;25;22;21
Doreen
And then you’ll feel like you accomplished something. You could stay in your pajamas. You can just organize your your space. It’s not a big lift. And then at least at the end of the day, you’re going, oh, I did that. So tomorrow can be a better day, right? You know what else I thought of when I was looking at the podcast and reviewing things?

00;25;22;24 – 00;25;46;03
Doreen
Cleaning your mind, organizing your mind. We have something called a thought download. And when you just grab a notebook and a pen or paper and, and just sit down and just get everything off your mind and onto paper, you kind of have organized your mind. You’ve gotten everything off of your mind. Journaling. Yeah, journaling, whatever you might, do.

00;25;46;05 – 00;26;09;02
Jeff
It’s definitely a great feeling to have that that clear mind that clear. I didn’t put in journaling here. But I do agree. I think that just writing down what you’re thinking, I think that that kind of goes part with the, friend, you know, have a listening ear. Let’s say you don’t have anybody to to call. You know, everybody’s busy.

00;26;09;02 – 00;26;25;04
Doreen
Whatever. Or maybe you don’t feel that you have somebody you can safely talk to that isn’t going to give you advice or criticize you or all the things that just make a lot of times you feel worse, right? You know what I’m saying? When somebody is trying to fix it? Yeah. But journaling can be your friend, right?

00;26;25;05 – 00;26;46;10
Jeff
Right. Journaling can be that listening ear just getting everything off your mind. The other thing for me is that I like to do when I’m maybe not feeling my best. And it’s it’s going to be over various period a couple of days is I want to expect to feel bad the next day, not that I’m going to push myself into that mental state, but I prepare for it, you know?

00;26;46;10 – 00;27;03;22
Doreen
So I like to, for example, take my workout clothes the night before, take them out, you know, these are this is what I’m I’m going to get up tomorrow. I’m going to go to the gym and get a good yoga. And here’s my clothes out and ready. I like take it, take out my clothes that I’m going to wear at the office, wear for the day.

00;27;03;24 – 00;27;25;02
Doreen
Right. So that’s helpful for me I like to sign up for classes. So the yoga studio that I go to, I’ll sign up for the class knowing that if I cancel it within a certain period of time there’s a fee. So it kind of promotes me and pushed me not to do that because I don’t feel like paying the fee.

00;27;25;02 – 00;27;53;14
Doreen
It’s kind of like different defeats me. And then another thing I find when I’m having a shitty day, it’s just not going well. That 50% of the bad is just go to bed early. Well, right. Like call it a day. Yeah. And the day that you’re not enjoying and ended, now you’re going to probably, maybe have, some trouble sleeping, but then you can say, oh, you know, I’m having trouble sleeping like that out of body experience with yourself again.

00;27;53;14 – 00;28;18;29
Jeff
Like, look at me having trouble sleeping kind of expected, right? Just lean into that. Like I’m going to still try to go to sleep. Because what’s the alternative to all this? The alternative to all this is what a lot of us do, which is the bad things that make us feel good in the moment but end up accumulating to negative results that then you got to deal with.

00;28;19;01 – 00;28;53;12
Doreen
So as we started the podcast, deciding to cancel your day and, and just, you know, not do anything that’s going to accumulate into more issues. Right? You know, compound eating, overeating becomes something that people do. We call this buffering. Buffering is in coaching. When you decide to do something, you’re feeling bad and you do something which is your primitive brain trying to make you feel better while eating sugar, eating certain things, drinking alcohol, all those things that make you feel better.

00;28;53;12 – 00;29;12;02
Doreen
It’s a false, you know, at the in the moment false dopamine hit right. Feels good in the moment when you’re having that yucky day and you end up doing it, but then you’re then you’re going to have a double whammy because you the days lost, and you got to deal with the fact that you got a hangover. Yeah.

00;29;12;06 – 00;29;38;08
Doreen
Or a sugar high or you’ve gained more weight gain more weight trying to lose weight, whatever the case might be, is definitely compared downs. The issues that you’re having. Yeah. So anyhow, that’s it. Before we close, we want to want you to know that these are strategies that we use. So sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I have to use a combination of them.

00;29;38;10 – 00;30;05;22
Doreen
And sometimes it’s just okay to pull the covers over your head. Occasionally. Right. You know, I remember, one of our children, one of our kids. I’m not going to say who, but having, something had happened in her life. She was having a really shitty time. And I told her, you have permission to stay home today and, like, really just be in that place of not feeling good.

00;30;05;25 – 00;30;36;18
Jeff
But it’s for today. Yeah. And then tomorrow we get to rally it up and get going. So if you’re having one of those days and you want to decide just to stay home, just accept that that’s the way it is. Don’t overthink it. I think that was punish yourself. Yeah. And just do it. It might have been the seventh tip because giving is giving yourself a time limit to do that like you did with the daughter, is a great tip because some people can go on and on and on and on for days and days and days, 100%.

00;30;36;19 – 00;30;56;27
Doreen
Give yourself that timeline. So okay, I’m going to take today, right? The next day I’m going to get up in Raleigh at our clothes ready to go. Well then you can use all these tips, right? Right. Maybe you use today to use all these tips and figure and just give yourself a day to kind of regroup and be okay with that.

00;30;56;27 – 00;31;22;05
Doreen
Like, don’t beat yourself up because that’s harmful as well. So take care of yourself the best way you can be human. This is divorce. It’s rough, but you have what it takes one step at a time. You can get there. You know, so many examples we have of me as a lawyer, 30 years and being a life coach as well, Jeff, as well.

00;31;22;08 – 00;31;40;22
Doreen
Our own divorces, we got through it. People will get through the divorce. You will get through this. Yes. So be loving and kind to yourself. Take it one day at a time. See if these tips help when you just don’t feel like doing it. Or as Jeff likes to say, I don’t want to. I don’t want to. Thanks for being with us today.

00;31;40;22 – 00;31;58;11
Jeff
We hope all these ideas have helped you find a little bit more peace and strength through your tough days. And listen, come see us if you want to talk to us about coaching, give us a buzz, reach out and, have an amazing rest of the week. You’re not alone. We’re with you. Bye bye. Bye.